wasnt any reason for me to lie.
the scars and bruises where they lie
why on earth do you doubt
why do you push and shove and shout

selfishly sick is what i be
the trauma fake? oh honestly!
i let it happen
i hurt myself
i do it all
and don't ask for help

i am failing critically
i am sick, selfishly.

i let you laugh
i let you lie
i kiss my "normal" life goodbye.
i let my thoughts
dissipate
let the next person take my place

if i lied for over a year
wouldnt that make the truth everclear?
foggy memories swirling endlessly

we are sick, selfishly

-yjp

I'm a somber soul,
My baby is sick at home.
I'm too far to walk,
I'm too young to drive.
Oh it's such a pity,
Lonely with the little lows of life.
My baby is sick at home,
But I've just gotta pocket,
All my strife to sickness.

I'm mentally torn apart
Take a step in my heart
Go ahead! peel off all the skin
Look at what lies within
Behind cute the little sweet things
Is an ugly reality
tugging at my sanity.

Life knows about me
It will cover up the ugly
So I don't end up in the ward
I smile at my life's gifts gleefully
Clutching life's sweet rewards
Deep into my palm.

This is my life
A Sugar Coat
The more I mask
The less I ask
Masking up the ugly, makes it so sweet
Save your tears, just not this week
Another day rolls along
She been sick for too long
Do my prayers ever get answered?
It hurts to watch her struggle through.

This is my little life
It cuts me like a knife
I might've won my little awards
But I'm one step closer to the wards
Where is he at
The one who told me that
I am his number one
It felt like he wasn't here
When the pang of stress was there.

This is my life
A Sugar Coat
The more I mask
The less I ask
Masking up the ugly, makes it so sweet
Save your tears, just not this week
Another day rolls along
Another broken promise
Will he ever care to compromise?
It pains me to see him
Not care about his and our future.

these poems here
tethered to me
by some unknown
uncontrollable force
I didn’t ask for this
I didn’t ask for any of this
all I wanted to do was to play
with the women and the music
and maybe even my kids every now and then
not knowing, not caring,
not believing, not searching
for a higher purpose
for a greater meaning
for an elixir of divinity
but they have arrived
in different variances
& mass quantities
I didn’t ask for this
now it is here
I can’t stop
I won’t stop
until it kills me
until it kills something inside of me
until there is nothing left
except
these poems here.

I feel odd
This strange mood has taken me

Something isn't right
Something isn't right

Discontent incomplete not whole
I wander down a bright corridor the lights hurt my eyes
The hum a cacophony of pain

Something isn't right
Something isn't right
Something isn't right
Something isn't right

I'm falling but stationary
A runaway train lost in the empty brightness
I'm mindlessly speeding through nothingness

Something is terribly wrong

I've never felt this way before
A mad descent
I'm suffering and I don't know why

I feel sick
From tension
From speed
From stress
From pain
From sickness
I don't know why

Something is wrong
Something is wrong
Something is wrong
Something is terribly wrong

My life is falling apart
as I curl up the walls close in
The bright light intensifies
I can't take it
I don't know
Please GOD save me

Please somebody save me

I can't think
I can't eat
I can't walk
I can't sleep

Something is wrong and it's hurting
The light intensifies
The hum gets louder
The walls begin to crush my chest
I gasp for breath but nothing reaches my lungs

Poison in my veins
Thoughts I cannot shake away
Slowly I’m fading

Everyone is out having fun,
While I’m on the run
Running for my thoughts, for my body
I miss the feeling
As free as a bird
As safe as being saved
The feeling when you hear your favorite song and suddenly,
Spinning stops, time stops, pain is no longer pain, scars get healed,
but they’re too deep to be stitched
Wire doesn’t exist
“There’s no wire, I’m sorry”
I would give my all,
Search the whole room
The door locked, key thrown away
Just me alone inside the dark room
What if, the room was my mind

heavy eyes sink, into my hollow
skull. finger tips blued, nails
chipped and worn. it began
with a coldness, washing over
my vibrant being. how I miss
the body, I once was. It pried
melodies from my throat, and
composed a dirge where they
resided. then, it filled my lungs
with sludge, that way, when
I cried out, the tune would
further corrupt. I lay helpless,
worn, and tattered. I do nothing
but lay, and wait, for the familiar
embrace, of health.

i knocked on
your door,
you opened with
a smile;
you knocked
on mine,
i returned
the favour;
the building was empty -
or at least,
the people living in it.
you were different,
though -
you were full of
little surprises.  
you were gentle -
like your touches;
and your kisses;
and your movements;
and my solitude:
of which -
you stripped me,
with your movements;
your kisses;
and your touches;
you shook me,
to say the least.
i was a sick man -
literally, and otherwise:
and it rubbed off
on you, a bit.
yet, you leaned on me;
pressed me;
cupped me;
grazed your lips
against the wet corner
of mine -
swooning;
drooling;
licking;
me choking on
cigarette smoke.
you choking -
every now and then.
you sick freak!
your uffs…
your aahs…
your mmms…
your every breath.
i loved you -
more than anything
in the world
in that moment;
that exquisite moment.
my eyes flickering;
my heart pounding;
my silence, silencing.
it was just right;
you were enough,
in that moment,
and all that
was you -

and then,
you left.