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Finishing first
- a chapter flash back to Easter
in a Christmas Peace
reconceived past under stood
common sense before the internet
... sufficiently advanced know how
made accessible through this screen

Per one and a hap, laps
at once
sat
before me a Manet,

A boy pfifer, piping
a flat image,
catching
my question, why…

For the uniform

For the Zouave oath
to die before surrender,
Victory or Death,
as a child sent
to war
in the name
of God, by Time
assured the same iota one
assumed just used
to refer
to the God
of the Papal authority,
symbolized
by a cross, or two,
one for Andrew,
one for George, both saints.
in the blue field, left field,

at attention, observe the stripes,
thirteen, indeed so great a cloud
of coincidences, so same so often

money borrowed… jewels loaned
for instance
to forge a suitable crown

to suit the proven winner's incentive
to defend the title, each winter,
each longest  night, after
each shortest day, ever
time told true

Allah
In the name of God, the Gracious, the Merciful.
By Time.
Mankind is at a loss.
Except for those who believe,
do good deeds, encourage truth,
and recommend patience.


Waiting is, said Michael Valentine.
From now until New Year's maybe, daily I am thinking about how money is so big a deal that wars are fought to make debts defend themselves with thugees.
Olha 10h
NOT AN EASY PATH LEADS TO ME

I’M THE WORD THAT MOVES THE MOUTH
I’M THE EYE THAT MELTS INTO DEW AT THE FACE ON THE LEVEL OF A TRAIN WINDOW PASSING WATERFALLS AND CEMETERIES
I’M THE PALM THAT TREMBLES WHILE PICKING A FLOWER
I’M THE BREEZE THAT BREAKS INTO A HEAT
I’M THE CURVED MIRROR ON THE SURFACE OF A LAKE
I’M THE AIR THAT STANDS STILL
I’M THE NOTE SLIPPING FROM UNDER THE HAND OF GOD
I’M THE ROADSIDE COVERED WITH THE TRACES OF PILGRIMS
AND SHARDS OF THEIR NAMES
I’M THE FLAME MEETING WATER FOR THE FIRST TIME
I’M THE PIECE OF A SECOND IN THE WORLD’S HOUR
I’M THE SENTENCE THAT BEGINS WITH A FULL STOP
I’M A HUMAN AWAITING A HUMAN
(WHO MUST APPEAR TO THEIR OWN SELF)
Stardust swirls through the blackness
The faintest glow
Becoming an indomitable brilliance
The Moon’s rebel, the Sun’s insurgent
The one guarded by angels with shaking hands
Their exasperation echoes
Through my mothers lips
A hollow sigh
Felt deeply in the bones
Etched in the marrow, carved in the skin
Born of the stars
Born into sin
low by day    a massive moon full
a bowl of candy pallor            
and this city is taken   to a more charming realm

more than one figure takes out a camera
aims                  and   i am not a real person
     but i am represented
       by an attempt     at something 'in bounds'
                       playing it safe
i feel like greeting
     and if truly bold  asking others
      of the quality of their experience right now
nov/24

[early version
Hello / I’m not a real person / But I am represented by an attempt/ A massive full moon /Pink and low by day/The city is taken to a more beautiful planet]
dee 2d
A minimal analysis
a set of conditions, withholding truth
that need to be satisfied in order to believe what you think is true.
belief that is knowledge.
the state of being aware of something within yourself.
psychology presents intuition as a form of knowledge
which we know as having a hunch about something
which is generated by the unconscious mind rapidly shifting through
past experiences.
cumulative knowledge.
my intuition never tells me what to do.
sometimes it's more like embarrassment
knowing that it's there and pretending like it's not.
because when you're always right
there's always that one time you hope that you're wrong.
so now my ego is linked to my emotions
and I can't help but find myself, not finding myself at all.
the disconnection between, myself and my thoughts
and my perception of the characteristics that shape me.
call it derealization if you want to get technical
but I see it as an imbalance.
if I do not see eye to eye with myself then I am not equal to the other side of the scale.
I will continue to fall until I satisfy those conditions
I lie further more to myself into this poem and reach what is self-awareness.
so I admit
I will continue to fall until I satisfy myself with the truth for these conditions.
or at least until I know what I feel is wrong.
I know, I wish didn’t.
In the mirror through tears, i notice that i am dressed in the scars of every deep wound I played off like a paper cut, and the phone in my pocket weighs a thousand pounds from your text messages.

I want to skip the ******* thing in a river.

Oil and water but just as much as I know we won’t ever mix, you convince me it’s all part of the recipe.

I have shrank down, cut pieces of myself like a cake and served everyone at every table a slice every time.

Stuffed my baggage in the closet and let you move yours in instead.

Cried like an anxious dog who’s owner wasn’t around.

And we called this pain love, for 20 years.

I slipped into the role, thanks to my parents.

Mentally ill and emotionally unaware,
It’s so easy to choose what’s easy and so hard to notice your love has gone rotten.

I changed my perspective and every smooth word started to sting.

I was kind as you were building up pieces of me to fuel your own fire.

I understood until I couldn’t anymore, but you never would.

Change your perspective with me, climb the mountain and realize the hike’s easier on the way down, i would’ve carried you all the way up if you asked me. But we sat for 20 years and heard everybody on the way back down talk about the view.

I chose to sit with you instead. And when I finally took that first step up, I should’ve known it meant leaving you behind me.

I am my own destiny. I am the bullet in the chamber and the consequences of the trigger pull. I am my own mind, I tended the garden of fear and worry and constant replay of mistakes and regret. I am more than who I think I should be for anyone else.


good luck with all the **** you’ve got going on. disrespectfully yours, your ex “best friend”
About a former connection I’m healing from.
Abel 3d
Icarus flew too close to the sun.
A short mistake and he was done.

I flew too close to myself.
And fell like a book from a shelf.

The page that opened showed the stupid boy,
in his last moment of blinding joy.

Within me it is dark,
Only sometimes there´s a spark.

From someone flying with me,
Over an endless sea.

I wish I could have met him,
felt his sunburned skin.

Maybe then, I would have known,
That I am not alone,

When writing of the pain I dealt,
And all the hurt I felt.

Icarus like a foolish dove,
Knows how it is to love.
Abel 3d
Are you okay?
For another day?
Another fight?
Another flight?

Can you make it through?
Even though,
You are you.
It’s dry and still in the house this afternoon,
The way houses are at 4:00 in December.
I feel a little itchy and claustrophobic,
Sitting on the floor.
I hate this ******* carpet.
Berber.

I know you love me,
But sometimes I wish you would let me destroy myself completely.

Darkening winter gray settles over us in a dull film,
Berber carpeting the world.
It seeps into the house through cracks in the doorframe you kicked down when we were locked out that night.
Into me too, coating my brain and joints and dreams in liquid fog.
The streetlights will be dark awhile yet.

Cotton ***** fill up my mouth
And I’m fine, just fine.
My grandmother’s favorite color was gray before people awarded points for such things.

It’s nearly night, now, and the sky swirls with peek a boo pink and blue where the clouds are thin and blowing.
No streetlights yet.
The shadows gather at their feet.
I pull out the spaghetti;
Time to start dinner.
Flea 4d
Hello Elena how are you doing
I must say that those idiots got to you
As you are not FBI as I hoped to be
But instead an artist and writer
Bold choice!  This right now is the pits for
Me.   School they don’t accept me and they
Make me look crazy! Instead of someone
Who wants to make a difference.   Can you try
To be a polygraph examiner, but I you want to
Be creative I understand as that the bullying is intense.
You say it will get better, I hope it will
I am writing this as I am crying my self to sleep
I believe it will get worse before it gets if any better
So many psychopaths that I have to deal with
It is sai to be honest.   Will I ever have friends
Or will I disappear!    I hope I don’t, please learn
From me!

Me as a fourteen y/o
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