after a breakup
people said move on
that i'd find someone better
they told me to take it as a lesson
something for the future

they said
i didn’t matter to him
as much as he mattered to me
and somewhere, deep down
in the bottom of my shattered heart
he once swore he wouldn’t break
i knew they were right

but how do i tell them
i fell for a sweet, funny boy
who once swore he’d marry me someday?
how do i explain
that no matter how hard i try
i can’t bring myself to hate him?

not a single piece
of my broken heart he left
has been able to forget him

how do i tell them
moving on
feels like betraying him

how do i tell them
i never wanted the lesson?
i just wanted to be
loved by him

How to Get Over Someone You Love

you don’t
not really

you just never get over someone you love
not till you gave all the love you had to give
maybe more than you ever could
till your heart wasn't yours anymore
just a vessel they once called home

till all the love you had got drained
drop by drop
in texts they never answered
in dreams you didn’t ask for
in silences louder than any goodbye

till living felt heavier than it ever could
till breathing became a task to do every day
like something you had to remind your body to do
like staying alive was a promise you never meant to make

till their name felt like a wound, not a word
till every call ended in silence that stayed
till their voice lived in your headphones
but never in the space beside you

till sleep became the only peace
and even that lied
offering dreams that left you emptier
than waking ever could

till songs you once loved
became unbearable noise
till you couldn’t tell where they ended and you began
till your reflection looked like a stranger grieving someone
no one else could see

till time moved on
but you stayed behind
a version of yourself
still waiting for a door to open
one that already closed

till letting go felt like betrayal
till forgetting felt like a crime
till you forgot who you were before them
and the person you are now doesn’t recognize the light

till you realize
love isn't always enough
and sometimes
not even yours to keep

i feel so sick..

i also feel like
im going completely insane,
thinking things that probably
aren't real.

i feel left out from my friends
like they all hate me or something?

i feel under pressure at school,
like work just keeps stacking up
and it stresses me
more and more.

i can't sleep at night anymore.
so i sleep in and get nothing done --
the work piles up,
and i haven't seen my friends
in five days..

i don't know what to do with myself.

i cry over nothing
over the littlest things,
any miniature mistake
that i make
creates this big dent
in my world.

i feel so insane,
so sick,
so tired,
like everyone is watching
but also not watching.

Don’t worry, I turned off my heart.
I disconnected its valves and
tapped my foot to its last beat.
I repainted the walls of its chambers
a nice neutral color that would
really brighten up the space.
No trace of love.
No trail of grief.
You wouldn’t even be able to tell
that it belonged to someone else.
I spackled the holes left behind,
plastered its cracks, sanded its nicks.
Refinished the worn floors where
too many games have been played.
With any luck, interested buyers
won’t look too closely.
“This one’s got some good bones,”
they’ll say, and marvel at its potential.
I marvel at its potential.
For now though, I’ll turn it off.
I’ll turn it off, if only for me.

Like a moth
you draw me in
over.
and over again,
you corrupt me
every inch of me burns
but only when i'm near you.
It's a feeling i yearn for
i thrive for
i need the pain.

i tried to drink
my feelings away
until i nearly drowned
but their grief,
patient as a vulture,
kept waiting for me
even at the gates
of the afterlife.

Drowning in indecision
Battling the dark thoughts
There will be a collision
While my heart slowly rots

He loves me, even said so
I almost stopped breathing
And that beautiful, warm glow
Suddenly turned freezing

That sudden, neck breaking speed
Making me want to hide and cover
Oh how I crave it, yet I want to plead
Slow down please, this isn't clever

Do I love him, or the illusion of love
I don't find him attractive
Maybe I need a hard, strong shove
But I'm way too reactive

I should tell him, end it soon
To save myself and not lead him on
I pray to Artemis, to the moon
That this pain will soon be gone

After you left, only your shadow stayed,
Each page I write bleeds with your name.
They say no one dies of love’s absence,
But I know—I stopped living the day you were gone.

Your image lingers, etched upon my soul,
A tender portrait time can never erase.
Every memory breaks me quietly,
Every silence is filled with your voice.

I have befriended solitude,
And tied my heart to pen and paper.
For a wife, her husband is the whole universe—
And without you, mine has turned to dust.

What joy can matter,
When every breath aches for you?
So I pray to the heavens each night:
Call me home,
Let me rest where you are,
For even eternity feels too long without you.

— Your Wife

Longing for more, for something better
Acceptance is good, but love is the goal
I'm fat and funny, so what does it matter
If inside I slowly tear at my soul

Turns out he likes me, that he'd care
I nervously agree, giving it a chance
But affection to me, is so very rare
And I can't handle the anxious dance

Can't imagine kissing him
Even holding hands
Maybe my thoughts are too grim
And I should make some plans

But I'm a big fat hypocrite
While I should be grateful
I don't find him attractive
And inside I am hateful

I love our talks, about little things
You're an amazing friend
And it tugs at my heartstrings
The way I see our end