Hearts skipping beats,
Unable to vent,
1, 2, 3...
الى متى؟

Lungs filled up with dust,
Medical was attacked,
11, 12, 13...
الى متى؟

Eyes running out of tears,
Unable to occupy,
21, 22, 23...
الى متى؟

Voices heard deeply,
Some pilloried, some bombed,
31, 32, 33...

√'Wir haben es nicht gewusst'
71, 72, 73... Suffocated by injustice.
الى متى يا عمي؟

I'm just trying to live my life
Like any other human being
I get on the bus, sit on the guys side
I go through my day-to-day

I get called down to the office
I'm told I have to sit on the girls side because I'm in the system as a girl
I tell him I'm not a girl and the heteronormative system is ridiculous
I didn't do anything wrong and sit by myself anyways

He says he will see what he can do
In the hallway not long after, after school ends, going down stairs
I group of kids scream near my ears
I mumble to myself and they touch my head

I said stop
They didn't stop
I turned around
And for the first time in my life I lower myself to violence
And punch one in the leg

I break down
I'm lucky to work with such wonderful people in theatre
I just want to live my life
I just want to be left and not harassed

Im told I can sit on the boys side
I have to sit alone
I can only sit in the front or back
I have to tell the stranger next to me he can't sit there

I want to tell him why
I don't want to out myself
I have to give up the ounce of validation of being treated like a normal guy on the bus by the other guys, who are unafraid to get in trouble for sitting with me cause they don't know what I am or care

I wish...
I wish I was born right just like he and every other guy on the bus

But if I was I would not be me.

I could not understand my own struggles
Or sympathize so much with others

I could not learn and adapt the way I do now
Could not have taught myself to be brave in the same way I am

I could not have the experience of having kids with my spouse the way I want to

I would not have needed to stand up for my rights or that of others

I would not have addresssed my lack of understanding and my internalized transphobia

I am stronger for who and what I am.
My gestalt.
For learning to come to terms with the harsh truths of what I am to the world.

If that wish came true, I would not be me. I would not be
Orion.

People name that place a paradise,
where painful screams are heard; but unheard
the Walking Souls are dealt to be soulless
the Blood is shed as a vain fluid
where Heartless beings are imposed to be escorted

People name that place a paradise,
where Sun rises with hope; but unhope
the Wanton is unbridled in his tyranny
and Victim is to be hushed unattended
where each Atom tells the story of oppression

People name that place a paradise,
where laughter became the part of past
that is mortuary but not a homeland
where Lively spirits are declared hollow
where humanity is just taken for granted

   People name that place a paradise
where painful screams will be heard; but unheard...