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It's been years since I actually missed her
And its a surprise because I thought I was done dreaming of her forever
Not only did she break my heart
But I grew to hate the things we both shared, like a broken handle on a cart.
At one point during these 7 years I became delusional
Creating a fake relationship for her and I, utterly insane, no?
I wanted her and I to be a thing once upon a time
I considered myself to be a nickel and her a dime
Embarrassingly enough to say, but even before we became friends I had set my sights on becoming her man
Unfortunately, I was too hasty in my confession resulting in my unused plan.
I tried to not let it bother me and I was able to move on eventually
Until of course I found out she was interested in my best friend, not surprisingly.
He was pretty popular unlike me
I, however, wanted to be useful to her so I listened to her "gush" over him because that's what a friendzoned 'nice guy' does ,right?
His feelings don't matter so there's no point putting up a fight.
If she's actually interested in you she'll make those feelings known.
I couldn't understand that back then, but I can now since I've grown.
It's been 7 years since she released me from her life.
I became so jaded and bitter from all that strife.
The nickel that wanted to be with a dime
Can't believe I dreamt about her after all this time.
I had a dream about Giovanna last night. I decided to include more in this poem about the friendship I had with her at the time so maybe someone would understand why I get so triggered thinking about her.
eve Nov 2019
i wish you were here,
when i felt unnecessary in everyone else's life
left behind like an abandoned child,
stuck and miserable in the world,
consider me,
an untimely product.
when i was so close to giving up
you were the only person I felt something for,
but that has changed.
Despite feelings changing overtime, I still....
wish you were,
right next to me.
I wish I could I feel your body
press up against mine when the cold air lathers on our skin.
I wish I wasn't so bad at expressing signs of love,
it was never taught
or given to me.
from the start,
you were the only person that knew me better than I knew me
and that is, the reason as to why I still crave the times I wish you were here with me.
I wish you stood by me in the worst of times,
especially when I couldn't think of anyone else in the moment  except for you.
No strings attached, I think I am drawn to you,
like an artist to a blank canvas,
like a girl who runs away from love because she wasn't given enough.
Yet, I always come back to the thought of you and me,
smiling and laughing
living life happily,
exploring each other's interests so effortlessly,
we lose track of time,
forget to realize that we had to meet sometime this week.
that is why I steer away from the thought of you
and although, the title of this poem is quite ironic so,
with careful notice of both ways this can go,
I can still say that,
I wish you were here.

— The End —