my hands smell like chemicals from developing film rolls and no matter how hard i scrub at them i can’t get you out from under my fingernails.
i had a dream about you the other night.
it was casual, fingers intertwined as we walked down twisting streets and we didn’t say anything— you just smiled at me,
that grin could heal broken bones and black eyes.
i wasn’t ever in love with you. i don’t know if you realize that. you were exciting and interesting and intoxicating, but the problem with talking to someone every single day means that at some point you’re not going to hear from them for 24 hours and that can **** you.
i don’t really miss you, not anymore, but sometimes things like dreams happen and i want to smile at you when i see you in the halls.
your hair as gotten long. it looks good on you.
i guess you just always knew how to keep things light and when everything always feels so heavy on my spine, that was a relief. you were easy to be around, until suddenly you weren’t.
i don’t think i’m ever going to forget you.
you’re going to be the first wound that ever scarred. i’m sure losing a lover is hard, but losing a friend can rip you apart. trust me, i’m an expert on it at this point, and i let all my weight rest on you to the point where when you suddenly weren’t there i couldn’t feel anything but falling.
for a long time, i romanticized my memories of you, trying to grasp onto you with rose-colored lenses that faded with age. i used to be angry at you, but the red eventually evaporated too. now i just.
see you.
you still make my hands shake and my stomach churn but mentally everything has stopped.
until i have another dream about you.

Most of the time something similar happens in everybody’s life
When two people meet each other, they know each other very well
Only fake smile and fake laughter is what they share in between them
A reluctance in heart remains
Everything seems to be formal,
everything they get involved in at that moment in time is fake.
It seems everything is out for display
Each and everything that is happening is part of the play, which was rehearsed prior
Most of the time something similar like this happens in everyone’s life.

Is this life?
Is this what was thought and imagined as part of life
Is this the future?
If so, then things need to change.

Everything needs to be reconciled and rechecked again, all over again.

We live in a world where everything is guarded by walls
Secrecy is what seems to be there all along
Taking advantage of others,
eliminating the best options and possibilities for the sake of marginal gains.
All this and much more.
The cobweb type pattern works in everyday life.
Still even in all this chaos, mistakes and threatening circumstances, better to stand for what you believe is right, right from the beginning
A time will come when you will realize all that what you have done is right
The only thing required then will be honesty and truthfulness from your side.

Hope for a better tomorrow
Keep on going
Then and only then you will realize the outside world is not bad either
Always be clear in your mind in what you believe and all that you stand for.

Appreciate the life you live, realize its value
Only then you will be able to understand what’s life going to be in future
Till then it’s struggle all the way as each day passes by
The next day brings in something new, something different
So don’t give up
Don’t lose hope
Be positive
Have a positive attitude in life
Only then each and everything will fall in it's proper place
Only then you will understand what is meant by to be successful in life.

Surrounded
All of me contained
Attire but another layer, another mask

Wounds heal and bleed,
heal and bleed, heal and bleed,
Pain never yielding

I observe, I witness
only shadows
and not the glistening
which bore them.

Except for one
at a time.

Time between each flash
inconsistently lapses.

I feel the fear
overtaking
this prolonged era.

Fear unto darkness
What remains
of my own luminescence remains
contained within.

I will bare only when a
Light pierces, blinding
all I know
when I finally open
my eyes.

The window reflects me reflecting
Beyond: bin men work.
I catch my reflection and look away,
I see my own hands, a folded dove.
A bang from without
A mechanical purr
A cat runs through my mind. The child,
How will I tell her?
Standing, the doors absorbs me,
The window is unattended,
If only there were nothing to tell,
But there is.
And the truth always gets out
                        Somehow.

I brush your brown hair
Away from your lightly-closed eyes,
Place a kiss on your tender forehead
And shoulder my bag,
Heavy with responsibility.

How I wish I still lay beside you,
Curled up in your arms
With your prickly chin on my shoulder.
But the sky is bright
And I know
I must leave and 'seize the day'.

The slow rise of your chest haunts me, dear,
While I brace myself for the end of the world.
No rumbling car or ringing phone
Could drown out your sleeping sighs.

I must go -- I must go!
Tear myself away from our cosy nest.
But slumber on, my dearest one,
For when you wake, I will adore you.

so when I look from zenith to horizon I can no longer tell whether I am myself or I am Leah-wife-of-Jacob, who maybe cried the same tears I did when she realised he would never love her. I could almost drown in all the insignificant pain of others before me who loved a significant her to no end or, avail.
Because it was me who was recalled to life on a single note of your voice which time has boldened to singularity. And it was you who said the best people get lost along the way with your back reflecting this half of the room. And yet
Anxieties flickering to embers; awakened.
Video tapes filed away; unpacked.
If I could not cry I would not, even when you shook my cynical bones to turbulence and life with the reminder that you are ephemeral and so am I. How should I pretend to live knowing that when I lose you this time it will not be to self-control, but to forces of something as calculated as time.