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Ash Young Nov 2023
I think I’m losing my poetry.
Not in some bleak, calamitous way,
Just – I don’t know how to start anymore.

Is that the problem?
That I’m caught up in my once-upon-a-times
And my dark-and-stormy-nights?
Maybe.

Or. I’m trapped in my metaphors.
Even – I’m tangled in my analogies.
Trying to tap the trees of every experience I’ve ever had and
Bleed them for all their meaning.
Picking up each imperfect seed of memory and desperately
Injecting their cores with GMO/Pesticide/Make this Matter/Juice.

This cyclical little life of mine is whirling too quickly,
My tail is tying knots in my intestines.
I can see the nape of my neck approaching in the distance,
Time taps her toes on my scaled sloping back and tsk-tsks not long now.

I keep on asking her what the countdown is for.
She checks her watch and smiles.
- The sun sets, and the sun rises, and I do nothing with my day at all.
Ash Young Apr 2023
Even now,
no matter how meandering the path may be,
all my poetry
stumbles back
to
you.
Sometimes, I'm still in the passenger seat of your car,
seeing some of my own abyss in yours.
Ash Young Mar 2023
This place still exists, it turns out. I didn't mean to find it, I just wanted to use this website for a project, and it redirected me here. I guess that's fate being herself once again, because this always was the place for deep secrets and darker thoughts.


You won't ever find this, I'm almost sure of it.


1. I said I wouldn't write about you anymore, I hope this doesn't break that rule.

2. I'm so happy you've moved on, I'm so grateful to the universe for giving you back love.

3. I've moved on too. It's been... slow... I feel like there's always something new to unpack, something else to remember, something more to forgive or repent. I'm not in a relationship in any kind of traditional sense, but I'm learning to love in a way that heals rather than hurts, and that's pretty immense.

4. sometimes I wish you sent me that email on valentines, sometimes I wonder what it would say and what it could have changed.

5. most of the time, I'm glad you didn't, and you found a love that seems so full of Good in the glimpses I've tangentially seen.

6. A lot of the time, I think about whether you read my email. I wonder if it helped or hurt, I wonder if you think of me at all.

7. Always, I hope for a future where we talk, catch up as friends, you let me cheer for you on the sidelines of your life as you grow into this amazing person you've always had the capacity to become.

8. Eternally, I'll love you. In the way of dog-eared books and well-loved movies. A finished kind of love, a sweet kind of loss.

9. whatever I am to you these days, be it villain or side character, or nothing at all, I hope I at least remain a lesson, to never accept anything less than the love you deserve ever again, no matter the reason  

10. Thanks for saving my life
I played stardew for the first time since you today, I hope your seeds are blossoming

— The End —