How does one tell another that he’s loved her since all those years ago and everyday since. She occupies my mind like raging tempest but even as the storm goes on I can’t help but find comfort. Her presence is that is an angel pure as the rain on a summer day. As beautiful as a sunflower in a field of roses. As these cold years go on I always mind my train of a mind right back on track to her. Alas I don’t know how to tell her even after these long dark cold years that I’ve loved her since the first day i saw her until now. I don’t foresee me ever not loving her.

I say I love ,  and it's true. I give it.  
Loving you, choosing you , that’s my choice.  
If you have flaws, then so do we all.  
I only want one soul to live for,  
To live with , and to be worthy of.

It begins with sparks,  
A beautiful flame expected to follow.  
But who holds the power to keep it burning?

Is it me ,  the seeker, the admirer?  
Is it you ,  the adored, the receiver?  
Or is it us ,  two hands, both needed to tend the fire?

At times, the rhythm falters.  
It doesn’t flow as expected.  
A blink ,  and the warmth feels distant.  
In urgency, I rush to relight it  
To hold onto what flickers.

Maybe I am the love itself  
And when I leave, it leaves with me.  
Maybe you're afraid  
To seem desperate, too attached.  
Or maybe… there's no maybe at all.  

Then what do we call it?  
Is this truly love?

Hello my lifeline.

I hope the suffering is manageable.  If you don’t see the light, just breathe and wait.  You’ll see it eventually.

In my experience, I always saw life through a microscope.  Dissecting - every path, every decision - to the densest part of its core.  For what? For personal satisfaction.  For peace of ego.  I am sorry to disappoint you, but the part of you that wants to know every answer will never have enough.  

As I write this to you (a bit prematurely, I might add), I think about what has truly mattered to me in my life thus far.  Laughter. Sunlight. Deep embraces, especially with women.  But just as important have been the tensions and the moments of immense pressure.  Good is only relative to how well you can endure the bad, my son. To be honest, I am not able to cry as much as I wish I could.  Sometimes, I think my feelings don’t work as good as others.  

I tell you all this to arrive at the greatest defeat of my life.  The time I let my ego make the ruling, and my soul beared the eternal consequence.  I had a father quite similar to yours.  He was stubborn.  That’s what I remember most about him.  One difference between him and I was that we didn’t trust each other.  But you and I, we do.  I hope.  At some point in our journey, I had the choice to choose love, choose God towards my father.  To be a kind man to a battered one.  I decided against it.  I pitied myself.  I was bitter.  It was the wrong decision.  

Now, I realize how an intelligent man like yourself might interpret this message as extortion.  Your old man wants to insure his son will listen to him when I’m old.  This is not the case.  This message is just an opportunity to say I love you and I’m human.  You are healing me, simply by being.  I wish my father could have said this to me.


With Love,
Dad

Falling asleep with a heart frozen, so cold,
Pain in the body is never to hold.
Losing connection to all that is real,
No matter how strong, time’s harsh seal.

Soon we all turn to weightless gray dust,
And time will remind us of mortal trust.

Why would I linger, why would I fight?
I can never have what my heart seeks at night.
What I need for joy, life never grants,
All that remains is an endless expanse.

Plummeting down through shards of my dreams,
Broken reflections of fractured seams.
Gaining momentum with every new scar,
When it’s over, we find peace afar.

Life was not evil, yet never kind,
Despair and self-hate turn blood into bind.

Before last memories vanish in mist,
I loop through moments that once felt like bliss.
Those that made me forget the cold storm,
Forever hating what I never formed.

Mistakes in the past shatter memories treasured,
Millions of pieces in chaos measured.
Warped by self-hate, pain we can’t show,
Our hearts hold truths we never let go.

Killing our souls with words left unsaid,
Not telling the ones we wish were near instead.