The sky was a slate
As I walked alone
Perhaps heaven, too,
Felt the guilt
That comes with noise

My ears are like soda bottles
And my heart feels stabbed
I'm just a teen, barely 16
But now I run. Run far away
Farther than guilt can run

Perhaps Ole Rømer lied
Light wasn't the fastest thing
It was a deep guilt
That only came with a  shot
Louder than screams

My life is ruined
But at least I have one
Now I leave my world behind
And sing a song of lonesome
Goodbye. A life I once knew

May Contain Triggers

I cut all my hair, everyday
the black slowly drifting to the floor
I poured pink into my life, onto my head
to stain into colors, my vision going purple, black, then red
My once clean room piles up in the corner of my eyes
And I flinched away from the piles and piles of lies
to be ignored and locked away
just for another day
I cried all my tears, so now I sit and stare
And I for once can't somehow care
like I used to, and how I loved
many things, and grew flowers with my hands cupped
I wonder if time will forever stay still
so calm when war goes on, the murders. the kills.
I draw on skin, feeling far away
sitting there with rain dripping down my face
water to wash the blood, down, down, down
If I could hurt for my sins, maybe I'd get what I deserved
little by little,
and they all refuse to know or see it all
and I sit here with my heart starting to hurt
I stand at the edge everyday, below me I watch
the waters turn and churn into a whirlpool I can't stop
The bridge that I stand at is so far up, and I cannot see into the darkness
And reality soon begins to lose it's hardness
not sharp enough, not deep enough, not enough to lose it all
and they all believed they saw
but why did they believe I was worth it?
Even when the candles fell to create fire, but from me they were lit.
I look in the mirror, and see the pieces fall
and it cracks and beyond I hear a small voice call
If i'd made it in time, I would have made it there
But now my world crashes, and the voice disappears
so quiet, so sane, so protective, so safe
But it all still drops away
I listen to music, with the world drowned out
To watch it go by, quietly. Earth's calling in dispair
but nobody will listen
nobody will care.
Sometimes I sing, maybe because I know it will be my last
or maybe my past love I had then is now lost
Because this world goes so so fast,
and I don't know at what cost.
Every night, I sleep on the side of the bed
piles and piles below me,
and pressure and pressure from above
up I stare, and see stars I do not,
I look up at the ceiling with my windows still locked
I wish to be held, but to be never touched
to be called out to, but to me, no one shall talk
it's what I want, but I miss the old traditions
of losing myself in all the equations
I have no time, yet i have the world
though I wish I didn't
everyday I wake up, I'm afraid of the sights,
that I continue to see.
These memories I must keep,
this act I must play,
keep my mouth taped, or sewn shut
Maybe one day the thread will wear off.
But for now the waters fight itself below me,
and I wonder how it'd feel to jump
to take in a breath
and to let it hold me like  I let no one else
or do I still sit here as dawn starts to ring its bells?
We will see
we will see

May contain triggers

Her eyes are blue, but sometimes they look green
or grey in the light, or brimmed with tears
in my lap, in my arms
she cried and cried and cried
questioning why
His eyes were blue, but they had yellow in them
Sometimes they would also look green, or grey, or sometimes black with his emotions that he kept to himself, questioning why
nobody knew, and why nobody cared
when his breathing became tight, and his arms
became sandpaper
and his body didn't seem like his own
Scared
full of fear
Eyes that saw and didn't see, eyes that would no longer
open and his chest would not breathe
and I would beg him to take a breath
that wasn't there
Her eyes were green, so green with glints of color
Loneliness became glitter that made her eyes shine
with gold, and silver that twinkled in the light
Her clothes stayed unfolded in the corner of her room,
and her necklaces stayed locked away
Her songs became silent melodies that no one would listen to
and the place that she treasured, she hated school
Her eyes were brown, from once blue they grew to black
like obsidian, with anger that she'd never tell
we'd all question why, and who hurt her
in this family of barbed wire
and glass eggshells
Her eyes that became amber in the light,
and the eyes that people ignored and avoided
the eyes that love too easily, but pushed away too fast
the eyes that cry, and cry
while punches get thrown
His eyes are green, but people say they're blue
from the grandmother to the child, they'd not shared much words
But he stays alone, eyes locked on a screen
because it's all he has, his father is miles away
his mother does not listen, and he looks in the mirror
with hate in his eyes, looking for the God he questions is real
begging him to listen, but he cries out with rage
Her eyes are blue, with dark on the outside
Her eyes are full of pain, and with anger
and with a coldness that isn't comforting
Her eyes are the ones I avoid, and fear fills me
if I stare too long,
Her eyes are fascinating, because they're not green
nor grey nor brown
they're the morning sky before noon has taken the day
they're the ones that went through all and went through none
always questioning, not feeling, always wondering
thinking past her worries, and thinking of a fantasy
Her eyes seem brown sometimes, her eyes seem blue
I can never place the color, perhaps they are emerald
maybe they are golden, or perhaps the color of coffee
they are the eyes of terror, of a child grown too fast
of a smile held by the child within her,
questioning her life, questioning her scars
drinking away her worries, drinking away her fears
Draining her sleep, so she'd get what she deserved
But it was never what she deserved
her are the eyes that needs to be held but cannot trust
hers is the eyes that cannot feel
her eyes is one of whom is lost, of whom can't find
something to grab on to so she is forever drowning
My eyes are brown, and always wishes to change
the color, the way it shines,
Wishing it would change into another person
who deserved the life she has
Eyes that spent childhood crying
In front of people, and stared into nothingness
the locations changed, slowly going behind locked doors
until it wasn't her eyes that cried, but her skin
the droplets slowly forming on her wrists,
down her elbow then down the drain
The eyes that are black, a void that cannot be filled
always thinking, never stopping,
even when sleep takes them, placing it's warm hand
on the lids
Until she wakes with no recollection
and thinks again of stained carpets and waters
50 feet below her
and windows into the ice that could drain
her energy into the earth
that she's beaten and burned and loved
into the life that she'll take into the one she'll hold

Paper boats, gliding across an open lake
We never thought it’d reach the other side
A note at stake that we thought would sink
In prayer that so will the thoughts we hid inside
The scent of lemons as we sat by each other
Crossing our arms over ourselves, protecting ourselves like our mothers
Should have, should have held us when they had the chance
But we are far away now
Our tears become kites that we fly up in the breeze
To have some sort of embrace, though rather cold
We know that where we go is up where we seem to be
But even our senses are wrong, our emotions not so keen
The smell of sweet salt dances in the air,
As if teasing our eyes once again
To be met with the cheeks until going down our cheeks
Into our hands in a closet
The sweet tang of lemon as a message is written
Burned, the repeated
Through this cycle that we once called life, a game we don’t care to lose
So once again we watch as the paper starts to glide
But instead of the paper boat so carefully folded
A plan with wings made of a feather sets free among the wind
Over the river, over the mountains, over that lake to what we’ve sent
Where it shall go, we’ll never know
And we hope for the words to drown again
To dissolve before reaching the dear God’s hand
Written of travels over his beautiful, broken land
We hope that it remains unread,
But he read our lips before the thoughts were even said

I watch him leave, yelling his fathers name
Rushed steps that only mean another day gone
I wanted this… I must know that it is true—
But each day that he’s here I wonder what went wrong
I wanted a better place but perhaps it’s too soon
But her voice, I’ve seen, has become soft
The faint whispers of loud screams became something I forgot
Perhaps I am too naive- too gullible
Perhaps I have fallen into the trap of words
Perhaps it’s getting better, but I remember the ghost of what was
And what is to be
Is this a right thing to believe? To dream?
Perhaps I imagined it all

I've left pieces of mysef in every place I've ever been
Under playgrounds, in closets, against the counter:
Everyplace I've tried to forget
Maybe that's why I'm ready to start a new life
Carve a new smile, a new pace over the one that was never mine
In some sort of reality, it's the god collecting those parts of me
Watching me trying to become someone I want to be--- Could never be
Suffocating loud; Where do I go now?
Where do I go back to collect those pieces to look away again
In my scrapbook
Each and every one with a note, but I can't remember where to look

Those cursed with observer's eyes
watch without sound
in the loud crash of a city's downfall
Although a curse,
those blessed with those eyes
can build kingdoms
with just a look
But silent, they stay

How can one not be wary of the lord's
great skies
but be aware of every grain
of sand among the stores
How can one watch in quiet
as his superiors fall
but jump at the sound of a mere
whisper

Those cursed stand alone,
but yet everyone lies inside their heart
big, but empty
Silent but yet the windows of the souls
showcase chaos
I always wondered why his eyes looked so sad

If I could
I would go back
To take my weight off your shoulders