Envy
how I hate it
It makes me want to **** a man for
dreaming, for asking me to dream.
What use is it, what use have you
in dreaming, in presuming
that I am not in my very essence
capable only of glimpsing the edges
the light-limned outline of the door
leading forward
and falling back again.

heart, a softened shard
thumping deeper than itself
I insert music in my ears
Picking things, living and inanimate,
snatching from all around me;
I put reality in my pocket,
kidnapping eyes
as I build my time-armor
to crunch the kilometers
so hard to swallow
feeding the cogs of routine
daily and hourly bits of myself

I was Choke to affirmity
In a compromising stance
A course of no regrets
A desire that's undeniable

What a pleasant mood
Unquenching thirst of fun
With a Lap tempting dance
ah, An engulf emotion
But Short lived moment

Wasn't I choked by illusion
A virtual love blinded by lustful vision
An undeniable motive of wanting
Of an unquenching thirst for ******  
A portrait of seductive curvy outlook
The craving moment of deception
A fake composure of deceit
The abstruse feeling of the unreal

Behold, a regrettable nostalgic
Of a fallen memories
Of the affirmed mood
Of virtual affection
Of the past that came to hunt.

I revisit a scene once passed
A scene that went by too fast
I unconsciously reach out
And then
Fall into a ditch of murky black.

The first fall, a fall vestigial
The second fall, a fall wistful
Wistful, for I understand
That fall was untasteful
A fall that was not down
But sidewards
Not into a shadow but
A curtain painted black
A curtain that could always
Be drawn back
That is
If you wanted to push past
The strength that you lack.

A fall is a fall
But not always a fall;
In this universe
Direction is relative,
Symptoms and disease
Are not equivalent,
However
It is up to you
To draw back the curtain.