Today I stopped to imagine

If hindsight were foresight,
love languages always matched,
and needs were always met

If we never hurt each other
or let each other down
and if distance, time or death couldn’t separate

If…
If only…

How rich and beautiful the tapestry of our connections would be

Not a day goes by
that I don’t wish
I could have been what you wanted.

I wasn’t Monogamy
or Hierarchy,
but I wasn’t casual either.

No, I loved you,
all of you, each of you,
with all that I was.

I shared secrets,
my dreams, my soul,
but with many.

It still hurts
knowing you loved an idea
when I loved you for you.

I die inside
remembering your pain
even if it was inevitable.

For no one
should have to pretend in love
or live a lie.

You were beautiful,
you still are,
our incompatibilities aside.

Forgive me, loves,
for loving in the plural
and breaking all our hearts.

I used to feel lost here
without a family or a purpose.
Five times I packed up to leave.

"The island won't let me go" -
my dramatic way to shift blame
from a lack of direction.

But...
I met you
and you
and you
and you
and you

This year-long journey became twenty
Now we all have a home in each other
If I am still lost, it is only in Love.

There's a spiders web
Of words I've said
Entangled in the calendar of time
A lovers rhyme of feelings

In minutes or moments or moves
I fell in love with you
A game of chess
Just to feel your breath upon me

I'd wish to call anyone
That singular one
The fable of teachings
Says we're reaching for something impossible

To not feel love across lanes
Indeed, sounds insane
We are wide, we are vast
We are fast to feel full at last.

I have a vision of my future
one I’m not sure could ever come true
A vision where the world won’t  judge
the love I share with you

A vision of my future
where I could have the guts
To hold your hand in public
Hold each other on the bus

I wish that I could find a place
where I will not be shamed
For gazing in your pretty eyes
that lack in any pain

I wish we could get married
without hearing a complaint
And no one thought twice of our lives and we were normal, plain

But as we walk the sidewalk
most people stare and gawk
As though we are a freak show
or evil they must stop

I only want to love you
Without living in fear
I wish that I could say “I do”
and keep my lovers near

pregnant with jealousy  
I give birth  
and cradle it in my arms
I let it cry ... scream ... **** ...  
then I sing a lullaby  
and remind us that we are still
loved
until it shrinks  
and crawls back into my gut

I always prefer the broken people of the world
Not because I want to save them
I am no ones white knight

Those people are more real
Their scars tell beautiful stories of triumph and defeat
They make me feel something more than just lost

The embrace you get from someone who is lonely
Will always be the most genuine  
I will never trade that away for cheap affection

Does loving more than one make me poly?
What if I just need to love the world?
Will she break my heart too?

I can’t help falling in love with people
I care too much sometimes… all the time
It’s my flaw or brain damage maybe

I won’t stop caring because that’s not me
I need to love the world and its broken inhabitants
My heart will forgive me later

I have not given up on love,
But how I love unsettles many,
The girl I am scares most.

I am the girl who can love someone after a couple days.
I am the girl who can love more than one at a time.
I am the girl who shows more love than some have ever received.
I am the girl who jumps back and forth, because this world is taught monogamy is the only way.
I am the girl who loves those that people think I should not.
I am the girl who makes people jealous by accident, because I give out so much affection.
I am the girl who has hurt people with my love.
I am the girl who holds onto love even if it's toxic.
I am the girl who chases love.
I am the girl who wants to make everyone feel loved.
I am the girl who wants forever with everyone I love.
I am the girl who will give everything to everyone.
I am the girl who is reckless when it comes to her heart.
I am the girl who makes promises about love.
I am the girl who breaks her own heart, but keeps on loving anyways.
I am the girl whose heart people want all to themselves, but that, I can rarely provide.
I am the girl that people want in their bed, but I don't understand why.
I am the girl that isn't safe with her heart.
I am the girl that freely gives her heart away.

Is it safe,
To be this way?
It's likely that it is not,
But I say risks were made to take.