How many friendships
I would end-
if was honest,
about the wounds
they caused me.

Subtle taunts,
and soft jabs,
created deep holes
of insecurities.

But instead,
I hold my tongue,
and bite my cheek-
because I want them to like me.

I found hope in every opportunity
I made light within the dark
I created love in fragile ruins
To make up for what was scarce

I wore rose tinted glasses
Red and pink looked just the same
I couldn't recognized the red flags
To me, it was only a darker shade

I tried to fix what wasn't broken
I tried to create without materials
That is how I loved and lost
If only I had been more careful

The cracks and scars within my heart
I only have myself to blame
I keep loving what only hurts me
And love and hurt turned into shame

Love became synonymous with pain
If it doesn't hurt, it is not love
But soon I resented it entirely
I had experienced more than enough

I thought that if I wanted to heal
I should just isolate myself
With time, some space and solitude
I would not need any outside help

Every human wants to be love
To me, it was only a privilege
It was a choice to ask, not a need or right
I interpreted such a rigid image

But love is not the cause
For ill feelings to come forth
True love is pure and positive
That gives it all its worth

I wanted to be loved yet deprived myself
I thought love was just conditional
If I didn't give what you couldn't take
Not loving me was understandable

I surrounded myself with those who loved me
Who loved only for what I could give
Not for who I am or what I wanted
It was the life I thought I wanted to live

Then I wondered why I kept losing people
And why it became harder to please
No matter how much I could give
I could not fulfill my own wants or needs

Now I surround myself with those
Who love not only my company
Who love me as I am and who I was
I now look at love a little differently

Happiness
Is found in a dress
Compress
My stomach
Impress
the crowd
Always say yes
Please the people
Maybe I don’t want to please
But I freeze
I do things for you
Yet, never for me
I’m down on my knees
I wheeze
“I can be free”

I paint bright, beautiful works of art
for you
but you don't like my colors
and this is a waste
so I scrap it and start again
for you

The darkest prison
Shackles you to the worst fear
How people see you

So you do it all
You try to please everyone
At the cost of one

Finding happiness
You lose yourself in that fear
In prison's shadows