Being the eldest son is tough.
You always bear the toughest blows
From punishments and such.
Parents blame you for everything
But thirteen years of it?
God.. That's just too much.

Sure, my sibling is cute,
Smart, and headstrong too,
But they're just such a pain sometimes.
If there's anything to remember,
It's that they're a selfish, stuck-up brat
To the point it should be a crime.

My sibling has ruined my life.
If only I just lived alone.
That would honestly be great...
I wouldn't have to deal with them
Or hear another one of their whines
While they look at me with hate.

I'd have my parents all to myself.
I'd have time to finally relax
And have peace like no other...
I'd waste my time all day
And wouldn't have to share my stuff,
But I wouldn't get to be a brother-
THAT is reward enough.

Love
You use it like a currency
One coin — after another —
when slipping through the mouth
of a vending machine
is no longer enough
You shove and pound on!
Until I gag:

moneysecurityopportunitysuccesspridepowerstatusdreamshappin­essthingsthingsthingsdeadthings

When I ask You:
“Do You regret gambling away
in me the Life that was promised
to You  
as a wasteful investment
when my open hand holds only
Disappointment?”

You answer with conviction
suffices to convict me
“Blood is thicker than water
so I will try harder”
as I swallow — each —
and — every —
— well — meaning — copper —
flood my throat
in the ****** beautiful taste of Love
Love
Love
Love
Nothing
but Love.

I shall never starve for Love
if only I had the stomach for such Food.

You’ve been working so hard
To provide more than what we need now
For what we will need in the future.
Because we used to have nothing.

You’ve been planning so thoughtfully
For the next 20 years,
But you’ve never lived in the current.

You’ve been ignoring what you feel now
And saving your happiness for later.
But you’ve never stopped worrying about the future.

Now he is gone forever for both of us.
You lost your happiness,
Which had never happened.

But I lost my happiness,
Which had been making me feel alive.
It is not just grief of his death.

Now father is gone forever for me.
It is the emptiness in my heart
Constantly consuming me.

When I am nervous on the stage,
Who else will always applaud for me again?
Who else will always love my performance again?

I know you don’t care what I care,
And you only approve what you care.
But can you just look at who I am for one time?

I wish you can live more in the current
And worry less about the future.
Because I treasure every single second in my life,
When you are still with me.