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Jim Kirk Jan 2020
Born my son of youth,
My pride shadowed you,
Our long talks sitting outside,
Your wisdom and learning astounded,

You followed my career to fly,
Your letters stroked my ego,
Returning in uniform,
So healthy and strong.

Life is random and chaos,
Tomorrow is a dice tossed against a wall,
Struggling up my drive,
Grasping a wounded leg,

You was a ghost decimated by ****,
My heart bled, my love insane,
You were weak, sick, you were meths *****,
To the VA and rehab I hoped,

But rules by elderly, tired, bored women closed the doors,
You detoxed, and cleaned up in your high school room,
Daily classes, and screening followed soon,

A wife,  two girls, rounded your life,
But **** called her *****,
And she had exclusivity of your soul,
Of your girls gone, likely a loss for evermore,

We opened our hearts and all we had,
To you, wife, and little daughters,
Once, twice, three times many more,
Our pain ebbed, but our love was true,

Lastly, my wife and I had highest of hopes,
Everything fell in place this time,
I prayed, cried, it’s been awhile,
Life is Random and Chaos,

We all fell this time, no energy anymore,
No hope, no faith, battered love I taste,
The emptiness I feel is to great, I put it in a box,
My son of youth, I can no longer shadow you,

Yet Chaos and Randomness is a two edged sword....

By James Kirk-Wiggins (c) January 2020, All rights reserved
The destruction to our essence is no greater than when we observe a child of our youth choosing an insurmountable path toward destruction and eventually......
chelle Nov 2019
There is a hole in my arm
Where the fire used to go
I dressed it in a bandage
can't believe I went so low
Seamus IV Aug 2019
Thinking with short breath, gripping my chest, sinking with stress?
Just to attest, Imagine putting stress to the test
Over pushing boundaries set with intent
Chasing leads, gaining lost time pursuing a lust with broken trust
Only to rise to the question
Can the duality of morals and ethics which define us..
Be overwritten?
Misconstrued needs for skeptics lost in line
Slowly assimilating breathless methods

Hijacked

Black rose petals spiraling to conclusion, Decomposing as if to forget this
Why don't I neglect this elusive euphoria defined in terms of confusion?
Split paths once veering in opposite directions begin running parallel
I know I'm here, but who's that there?
Ominous reflections veer back with eyes unfamiliar
A face with no definition grabs my wrist lurching me forward
Weightlessly ***** following a diverging direction with questioned intention.
Where are you taking me? (Silence)
Operating in two places at once, questioning who is the driver

Hijacked

There but ever increasingly distant, attempting to reach you
The sunrise rekindling the spark of yesterdays intuitions
Preserving eloquence like a flower in full bloom
Suddenly fades eerie in an instant, dwindling on gloomy restless expressions
Cloudy perception refracted by crystalline illusions
The evanescent cypress terpene, king of bliss
Flowing in the direction towards what has been calling it most
An icy chill enters my chest, a constant race to chase an endless quest
A ploy of acceptance with a cotton ball
Pieces of
our past.
Wondering how we will
Patchwork
them back
together,
in the days
of the weeks,
the months
of the years ahead...

as you disguise
yourself,
on benches,
in corners, alleys.
Hidden in woods,
underpasses
of freeways.
Tents, cars
of strangers.
Filthy trap houses.
You disappear,
to find
comfort in
the only place
left to heal.

The Deep Depths of Sleep.

Oh how I
worry about
you my love.
You suffer so
for this journey  
you have embarked on...

Oh, how I
hurt for you,
yearn for you,
love for you
and cry for you.

Your pain
so deep
keeps you away,
to dwell in the
terrifying place that
encourages
the need to
Self implode..
Obliterate all ability to feel.

Even the
true sense of Belonging
Of being
unconditionally
loved.
Missing my precious daughter so...
Randy Johnson Jun 2019
I've always said no to drugs but my friend didn't do the same.
When a person dies of an overdose, it's always a **** shame.
John learned the hard way that a man reaps what he sews.
Every time drugs were offered to him, I wish he had said no.
I'm not certain what he overdosed on, it may have been ****.
When my friend of forty years overdosed, he drew his last breath.
I recently read that **** damages the lungs, kidneys, liver, heart and brain.
John might have rejected **** if that was something he could've ascertained.
Years ago, I tried to convince him to get some help but my words always fell on deaf ears.
He was forty-eight but if he had said no to drugs, he could've lived for many more years.
DEDICATED TO JOHN W. BROWN (1970-2019) WHO DIED ON JUNE 3, 2019.
Ashlamzz Jun 2019
I say I be doing fine but **** sometimes I miss those good old times
I’m selfish I’m mean I just need methamphetamine
But I’m fine
I’m fine I’m really trying to be fine
I just need a line
8ball and I’ll be fine
4 yrs sober and I’m fine
It’s just a thought of not being fine
But im fine
No way to breathe
No way to find myself
Out of this sorrow
of you

I hear rumors
Sleeping In laundry mats
Dumpsers next
to the river
At night
Under freeway passes
Alone

The **** owns you
Knowing you
are so vulnerable
Breaks my heart
Even more

I am isolated
in your aloneness
I am lost in
your lost-ness
I miss you deeply
Yet am afraid
Of all you
come with

How do I find solace
When there is none
When the
silver lining has
become tarnished

My Sparkle Girl
Gone Girl Gone
Even if I found you
You would deny me
You would deny
me because
I am the voice
of reason
That you run from

I am so very alone
in your aloneness
Methamphetamine addiction. Heartbreaking
You are gone,
yet everywhere
that I touch,
breathe,
see, with my sensitive eyes
and heart.

You are gone,
Yet we never stop looking.
We know you're out there.
Each morning we call the
hospitals,
morgues
the jails.

You are gone.
Day after day
we hear nothing.
We wonder,
we hope,
we pray that you
are alive.
That no one has hurt you too badly through the night.
That you've not hurt yourself too much to come back from.

You are gone.
Yet the shadow of you is here.
It is everywhere.
Your shadow floats down from the
moon light,
and at night
covers such deep sadness
we know then that we miss you beyond the stars.

The You
that was You..
Losing an adult child to drugs is devastating beyond words. It hurts so bad.
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