I continued to ask myself:
How do I trust a word?
I’m going out of my mind
This can’t be right
As you spoke in snake tongues gone rogue
There was nothing for you here except my sterile wit and huge imagination
Leading, draining, careful precision like
the stairway to heaven
I was consciously moving choosing creating my future
Playing chess with my emotions
Were yours even human?
Stale bread is the answer
I loved and so I became the greatest to build
I am. Because I trusted Him. When I chose to become an understanding of those learned moments of momentary promise
Severed bliss; Nothingness (emptied)
I Never lost reflection
So just leave me the pail
Water dripping over my skin
I am gratified
There is no longing for longevity anymore
There is only me now
Lacquered with the Spirit of enlightened authenticity
Infused with a Spirit that has woken me up!
For what is spiritual peace but a moment in time that feels so ripe and right with goodness and a kind of high (ness) Power to become One with
The threshold runs deep you see
And so does the knowledge
of limitless humility
with a gratuity of acute consciousness
Awareness is Power
And I am free
To finally live. I am alive and well
Yes
I am.
Consciousness was the biggest lesson I’ve learned throughout this year and a half long experience. I also learned to expand the love I had kept inside for myself which is the most important thing I could have done, and a bit of humor of course. In all brutal honesty, as a woman, when you go through these challenges in any relationship especially with men who have been harmed either physically or emotionally abused which if not most if not always present itself to you in the form of a deeply hurt and neglected individual with a trauma background, you want to identity that immediately through using your intuition and reaching out to a loved one, a mentor, someone you trust, a coach, a therapist, or a good friend who supports your wellness and mental health. Writing this piece and thinking back to who I once projected myself to be as I was going through this challenging time, enabled me to bring out my courage and my self love and respect and even my faith and gratitude in a deeper more meaningful way. Through writing I develop my faith in those who I do want to surround myself with and who want to enhance my life rather than unintentionally or intentionally entangle it in their pain. We all have a story to tell. We must believe we are greater for it. I am greater for it. Say it to yourself. I am. I am one with love. I am powerful beyond measure. I am amazing. I am grateful. I am the best for myself and for who believes the same in me and shows it. Remember that. One must speak to it as they show you the worth that you show yourself each day in all you do.
