Oh how I love you,
Dear Unborn Baby,
I've been waiting
For you.

Holding you in my arms,
Is all I'm yearning,
For I've been waiting,
Since 22.

I can't wait
Any longer
To see
Which part of you
Resembles me.
I want you
To be better
In every way baby,
Better than me.

I've seen how
This world can be deceiving.
I want you to trust me,
When I hold you close.
I can't wait
For this world to see you.
When you're ready to take off,
Take my love with your wings.

Oh how I love you
Dear Unborn Baby,
I've been waiting
For you.

Holding you in my arms,
Is all I'm yearning,
For I've been waiting,
Since 22.

I am here
Expelled at last from that warm darkness
Fluid replaced with air
Crying out so that the nurse knows,
So that the world knows,
That I have arrived.

I look up and see a Goddess
A true beauty with loose ringlets
And glimmering skin
But sacred tears are falling
From her golden eyes

A deity like her deserves jewels
I am just a tiny speck of dust
Floating around her palace
I am not what she asked for

I want to apologise
But all I can do is wail
I am sorry, dear Goddess

She looks down at me
And she smiles

And in that moment I’ve been blessed.

She wears long sleeves to hide her scars he smokes a cigarette in the back of his car. They’ve been pushed to the point of wanting it all to end. They have an unborn child which they don’t know yet, it was a one night stand that left her with regret.

They don’t feel like they can raise a child but those two pink lines make her feel better now, it’s a fresh start and a second chance for him to be a better man than what he is now and what his father was growing up a chance to wake up every morning next to the woman he loves.

She’s afraid of the mother she will be, afraid that her little girl will be sitting in her room alone comforted by an empty bottle and a blade with so many tears streaming down her child’s face just like hers did.

Take me back
Where all is muffled
Blanketed
Lights filtered through meshed pink
Sanctuary
Harsh sounds of existence slurred
Safe from harm

Ophelia, drowning in flowers
Escape a world I don't understand
Mottle my fingers I cannot see
Where I begin and the air ends

I wish to be this close to you again
Connected by a cord
That can never really be cut
Feed knowledge and experience
Into a pre-natal brain
Etch your wisdom into whorls
Thicken the pads on my fingers
Envelop me
The beginning and the end of my universe
My Dôn
Is it any wonder I cried when I left?

Take me back to a time before language
The only foetal words I know
Are the drum bass of my universe
I am, I am, I am,
And soon I will echo your confident staccato
I am, I am, I am
Okay.

I feebly linger around different wards;
cardiac care,
   Then endocrinology,
        Psychology and counselling-
Maternity; I stop. Finally feeling less like an  extra on the set of a dreary movie and suddenly i feel present.

I know this hospital like the back of my hand but never had i truly acknowledged how much brighter it was on this side of the hospita- Too bright; i cant concentrate.

Everything seems otherworldly ; the sun casts a brightness over the ward making the harsh fluorescent lights less noticeable , the rain trickling on the tin-like roof, the sound of newborns crying desperately as they are forcefully removed from the comfort of their mothers' womb.

Without noticing i find myself standing by a young mothers hospital bed, probably no older than 19, her wavy hair drenched in sweat and her face flushed but peaceful. She holds her baby so close her iv must be on the verge of falling out but she is so overwhelming calm.

Tears sting my face. Only now the warm tears reminded how cold my skin was. She looks up, looking confused. "Promise me-t-that-you'll love your ch-child no matter what mistake-mistakes they make?"

unmotherly love envelops you in all your childish ways
snickers and jealousy
emotional vampira
vacuous hole holding love at ransom
unmotherly mother
narcissim reigns over your sadistic ire
never satisfied
manipulation and cunning
pander them to exact perfect cuts of pain from me
but this is the last heart bleed
this the last compassionate faulter
I am no longer your prisoner
my babes are safe in bough of my loving arms
a million miles away from your strategic abandonment of me
your Radom spates of visitational cruelties
it spread a generation too far
you went too far
It will no longer reign
My humility is gone I am the best version of every dream you ever had
and I did it on my own
despite the cruelty of your cold
a lesson must be learned
now I'll show you a mother with a fierce love
the mother you choose not to be
a lioness crouched over her cubs guarded by claws
though capable as my other siblings seem to attest
you only have interests for their best
no more last
no more future
no more past
you don't hurt me anymore
my progeny will rise to all they aspire
challenged and sheltered  
all equally loved
a child can not be her own mother's mother
you are nothing I need, now nothing I want
my only regret is, that I didn't leave your black hole sooner.