I wish
I wasn't
me
disappear,
in fantasy.
Angelic
and
a flock,
I wasn't
been...

Take
apart,
this
freezing
and
cold-ness
of
this inner
side of demon.

Eating  me,
like caterpillars,
on a tree,
grazing
nearby
as a grass eating
field of reindeers.

Sending me tender kisses like airbags, softening the blows to my
heart; your service with a smile radiates warmth as I stand in line,
eager to sketch the portrait of our love— chasing after sparks, once
your heart starts to believe you’ve found the one.

Making daylight savings – to awaken with the sun, its golden rays
dance upon your cheek, radiating warmth that yearns to envelop me.
Yet, I ponder— will a touch more of this brilliance consume me, or
shall I remain alert– do I stay woke,

or…

spend most of the day in a daydream, cherishing this infatuation,
cradling it close to my heart, preserving our moments for a future
where courage blooms within me, allowing me to finally ask you to
be my wife.

“Perhaps yes, or maybe not” – I’ve pluck the petals of my choices,
now lingering on the tenth flower.

                                             I think I'm in love with you Daisy.

Water under the bridge and me
How knowledge turn banal missing verbs and dots from wisdom called absurd like time because of watches late when neither knows the right answer to be, i dont know. instead of eating poison just because starving, to throw a coin out of reach, like promise without words to keep like words without truth pointless like the journey without destination, youth without home, without roots not tree but a platation nor a name to keep to keep to care for, but a spring and summer, like the finger that pointed handed saying blessed and holy for hundred folds is told god to repay what isnt and should must. The careless ones that care too much to act or advice. Like the ones knowing the most speaking the least. First one can teach to cry one must learn, like to worry for a concern, bad for good. Like an excuse instead of an answear   of all the questions due, and then i hear: anythings better than hemlock, sounds to me like crosses seem some left behind in gones unwilling or unable or foolish, but not foolish to as love but more to hate as intentionless so godful one, as godles the other. Not as hope that doesnt believe but faith that doesnt hope, like the scars and the wounds like lions and pride like storm rains time that comes in soon is the time that went after time from time to went to come to you and me and you and me to come to care for, careless and carefull like about the rainbow we used to, once talked in thunders and birds screams and the field roads of passway  rocks fallin in mountains under the beatin of hooves of fate free and reason and language and time of salvation a dream we dream about and inviolet heaven a bedlike welcome awaitin all them men of all them boys whose love loves better than mens more than a son a father and father son to home how we greet is what gives that name to that house of great our fathers and our fathers god we too dare to bother to seek  our pay with a dream to awake from once our stomach fed not starving for morrows to die in but days to live close and as humble as honest the heart of the heart we call soul gave a think and roads enough to name one a wanderer indeed wandered and wishesh wished at star fall and prayers whispered to the safe of his palms for fools call foolish every time and for gods call theirs unlike men once therefore always like the said spoken a beggar begs the landlord a meal we beg your charity to grant us you already granted like the landlord the spring and responsibility to brother and duty in disguise every now and then with a new story to end and to sing about like a dove with broken wing, sheep without shepard and voice without sound and silence like god to stay unknown for all  to have to think of, like air like love we breath every breath a scent of instinct an inspiration to know better like heart beats beatless and unknowingly like all we forget but remember. Like all we pass be dying, and all we do and say to mind to dont matter yet to matter like to think to think twice, how many wrongs it takes for a right, as wars to battle to peace and roads to step to meet, tears to cry to see a brother and thorns to a king and kingdom and its dom to heaven get near of far already had come, did never leave nor left like the sun the day and yes a question to not  answer like today tommorow is and yesterday never was as long is cohen writin hallelujah like davinci paints mona lisa, still the beggar asking for a slice is the least, always.

Sometimes i think of water sometimes of the bridge. His wisdom is wise but not profound but ultimate, its emotion like music does to soul to embrace but not hold to kiss for but the cheek to know like love to never give yet never take, speak when spoken, to laugh and without a reason to have a reason many times for rivers to move alike free to run out or walk away just two of the poorest choices of transport, as to get insulted or insult a choice to decide for controll being out of yet free to have a share in meal but not in the song, just as the worda have meaning so do they have reason, which he built his life its laws and gods and decided to be in controll and be free like to do and have done to perfect to complete, he understood we go in morning where we say before night, people are never as sick as they say nor is it ever as bad as it seems or good as one thinks when thinks right never as wrong as never wrong when thinks. Knows only thinks. Doesnt think knows. Before mind a word to speak to cross silence like time to call out to question its patience  to deeds to get done never heared say more than at times havin nothin to say what to pay a privilige to hope or death, door or key, nerves or lack of focus to blame hearts dont listen locked, and before the last dies, so does the week after the last day, so the hope we hoped in was everywhere around, while we called it death where we never been what we could have been drunk and travel with song and the boys a wicked a smile to cherish and band to one word instead like devajah, and with devajah life saved, eternity granted and by stars be shining and falling and devajah to blind to see, by making them look, lame to walk by forgiving the ways of sins and sinners for sake of love asked to part from evil.  

Sometimes i think to drown, sometimes to learn to swim, sometimes to set sail i think to have somewhere to sitq The idea of control is to not have it just as the hunger the strive of soul that searches with knowledge of only known to dont know and free will is only it takes to find it, therefore to find the path that turns to understanding and wells by green lakes with swan and benches and shores to turn inward full of kindness and waterwalls all as welcoming as the surface that echoes every leaf every drop and seed of poppy in one whirl of will at hand of might and on tip of my tongue the reason of able to sense the pain the cause of mistake a lesson in every mirror i see after suddenly like to recall a trivial of some of past and smile, how simple once we understand. Meaning i guess: sad is not sad, nor is happy, as long not perfectly happy with being sad. Nothing is boring except us, if so   so it is with shame just as blame you can a bag to command a man to carry, but guilt is only selfmade why air in that bag bigger than me, of world the half, of hell the cover and heaven everything else, im wearing. Control is not about doing what you want but to want to do what you are. Freedom means act accordingly and slavery to force and be forced. There is a great song: you gotta serve somebody. Like hour to minute, minutes to hour, steps to footprint on the road where you want to be or want to go. Freedom is not in control but control in freedom. Not fencing our loves but facing our fears. Water under the bridge and me thoughts of all the bridges and all the rivers and me's waitin there patiently the great waterendin...
                                  and i laugh.

Water under the bridge and me thinking there be something wrong with me beside the great waterendin.
                      ...and i laugh again.

When I was
20
I became
involved with
a married woman.
She said that
her husband was
abusive.
She was looking
for a way out
or a break.

She had the
most amazing eyes.
Wild and dark,
like a walnut, on fire.
She smelled like
the earth, sweat,
and wildflowers.
There was something
uncaged about her.

I was young
and naive.
I believed everything
and hoped too much.

The *** was
ferocious.
She taught me a lot.
We broke the
bed and took
bubble baths together.
It was a lavender love.

One day, she came
home with a balloon and
flowers.
She said we are
having a baby.
Those wild
eyes flashed pure joy.

My mom was
worried.
"She has a husband."
My mother was a realist.
She accepted it though,
even bought the woman
some gifts.

It didn't take long for
Amber to show a side
of her, I hadn't seen.
I caught her in some
small lies, and she became
violent when upset.

The affair ended.
She went back to
her husband.
It felt like my heart was
being
ripped out through
my nose.
Pain like a
rotting *****.

I remember talking to
a friend about it on
the phone,
pausing to *****.
It hurt so
******* bad.

Her sister called
me a week after
the split.
I asked about the
pregnancy.
It was all a lie.
She had a
hysterectomy a few
years earlier.

I still believe in people,
and hope too much,
and the years have made
me wiser.

I heard much
later that
she died at 40 of
lung cancer.
Those beautiful dark
eyes finally got
some rest.

I wish I was your eyes,
watching faces, pass.
Will your gentle gaze
catch my stares
and be made aware....
that I'm lonely,
lots of love to share,
My glass is empty.

And then they shake and cross your boundaries
Seem so fragile you don’t dare to breath it in
But you don’t wanna break their limbs
Neither keep them upon your skin

It takes up space in all the wrong ways
Evaporates
The price that I pay
It’s alright that I change
It’s alright that you stay