something 'bout the way

you had no clue

that this whole time

i was in love with you

every time you said my name,

it finally felt like it was mine
,
not some borrowed thing

i watched strangers wear better

than i ever could

you made me feel

like i had a body worth holding,

a soul that wasn’t just echo

and i still never told you

because the scars,

they open

blood dripping

staining me

until all i see

is hurt and broken

and that’s why i hide,

that’s why i run,

that’s why i drink,

because then

at least

i’m actually real

i loved you

so quietly

i disappeared in it

and you,

you never saw me

not really

not once

god, how could you not?

Where we live is hell,
up above is heaven,
the place we go when we die,
hell is the place we go if we lie.

My heaven is in his arms,
on earth I remain, his arms bringing the beauty of heaven to me,
a place that takes away all the hurt,
a place I know I don't have to be alert,
keep my walls up high,
cut my wings and be afraid to fly.

Where we live is hell,
torture, day after day, all we feel is pain,
people around us making us go insane,
every path I choose seems to take me down the wrong lane,
all efforts of being heard, being seen, goes in vain.

My heaven is in his eyes,
that sun kissed honey brown eyes,
oh, how warm, how captivating,
the eyes that draw me in,
leaves me in awe,
one look into it and the worlds comes to a standstill,
the world silences and all pain ceases to exist.

Where we live is hell,
when all the world brings you is heartache,
and your heart just breaks,
shattered pieces all over the floor like shards of glass wounding you with every try to pick it up and put it back together,
oh, what more, what more does the world want.

My heaven is in his smile,
his warm, soft smile,
oh, for him I'd walk a mile,
I'd do anything to see him smile,
oh, my one wish, the day I walk down that aisle.

And for me I know he'd pick up those pieces caring less if it hurts him, if he knows it'll take away my pain and make me whole again.
My other half, my home, my everything,
the love we have,
knitting together as one the very souls of us both,
no place for loath, just love, laughter and a life worth living if it's with the other person,
his smile like a light so bright removing darkness from my world, eliminating all things bad,
his smile, a light that guides me through this tunnel of life,
filled with nothing but darkness,
he's my light that shines so bright.

Where we live is hell,
when life gets hard and all that's left to do is cry,
oh, how I wish I could die,
all that's left is dread,
every day I wake up, reality hits, a life dreaded every day,
who wouldn't wish they were dead in such a world of cruelty and misery.

My heaven is in his laugh, in his voice,
my peace, my home, my other half,
a laugh that is so much more, that is music to my ears, a sound I won't ever get tired of listening to, a sound I'd choose to be able to hear if I could only hear one thing for eternity,
so much to calm you down, but for me,
his voice is it for me,
an instant relief when everything around me is too loud, too much, too heavy to carry,
his voice is it for me,
if I couldn't hear anything else let it be,
his voice, his laugh is it for me,
an instant calmness rushing through my body the moment I hear his voice, making every bad day, every sad moment instantly better.

Where we live is hell,
when the world doesn't fail to make me cry, to bring me nothing but pain, to bring me down,
he never fails to make me smile, to keep me sane, to love me through every up or down, to turn every frown to a laugh even on my worst days.

My home, means his arms, his laugh, his smile, his eyes,
because what else feels safer than home in a person you know you can always run too,
someone who proves every day the love they give is true,
a person, my person, a home, my home,
is the person I know I love and loves me too,
the person I know will hold me in his arms and keep me safe from all harm,
my heaven is HIM.

I long for you,

in a way where I'd do anything to be wrapped in your arms,

to have you beside me even if just for a moment,

to see that handsome smile and lose myself in your eyes, even if just for a second.



This feeling is like no other,

it's the ache of missing you,

but an ache worth every second,

it's a comforting ache, knowing I still have you to miss and long for.



I long for the day we finally wake up next to each other,

turning to rest my head on your chest, your heartbeat steady against my ears, sunlight spilling through the curtains, as your fingers gently run through my hair.

I long for the morning where I ask how many spoons of sugar you want in your coffee, or if you'd prefer eggs or something else,

though I'd already know, because it would be our every morning routine, one I'll never forget.



I long for our little dates, sitting across from each other,

seeing my favorite dessert show up after our meal without me asking, because of course you just knew, you remembered, you always do.

I long for the day I can run into your arms anytime I want,

to hold your hand while resting my head on your shoulder,

watching our favorite movie, or rather mine, because of course you'd let me choose,

instead of waiting impatiently and hoping the day I finally get to see you arrives soon.



I long for the day a house turns into a home, our home,

filled with echoes of our late-night laughter, photographs of our wedding day hung up on the walls, cute little Polaroids stuck to our room mirror, and the sound of our favorite songs playing as we get ready each morning.

I long for the day we say, "Be safe, I'll see you at home," instead of "Message me when you're home safe,"

oh, that feeling of coming home after a long day to see the one person who takes all the weight of my shoulders and brightens my world, just by a hug, as I melt in his warm embrace.



I long for the night we fall asleep in each other's arms,

knowing we're safe, it's finally time to close our eyes and rest, without our thoughts spiraling keeping us up at night.

I long for the day every message we used to send over the phone become words spoken across the room,

I long to wake from a bad dream, knowing I can turn over and there you are, next to me, knowing I'm safe and nothing can ever hurt me,

but what bad dream, being with you banishes every bad thing from my life.



I long for the day I get to walk down the aisle with a bouquet in my hand, our eyes locked on each other, the brightest smiles plastered on our face, tears of absolute joy falling from our eyes knowing the day has finally come,

our favorite song playing as I walk towards the beginning of the life we've always dreamt of, as I walk towards my life,

knowing this is it, we made it, him and I, finally coming together as one, ready to conquer it all,

hand in hand, side by side, forever and always.  



I long for the day, we build a home together, a home that's ready to welcome our little ones,

building a safe haven for them, a home they'll always know will be there for them to come to, parents they'll always know they can run to.

I long for the day we two finally start a family of our own, watching our little ones take their first steps, say their first words, climb their first tree, fall and get back up, wiping away their tears and letting them know it's going to be okayy, celebrating every victory with them, holding their hand through it all,

their laughter and smile becoming the source of happiness in our lives, our greatest joy,

proof we made it, we did it, we fulfilled our dream of building the life we will continue to live for.



I long for these days, every second, every minute, every hour, every day,

but I wait patiently, savoring each little moment now, making memories we'll look back on,

passing by life, by living it the fullest and embracing the joy of the little moments, rather than letting life pass us by and not making the most of it, living in regrets,

because I know every moment will turn into a memory and every memory is a part of the life that's going to gift us what we long for.



So, I cherish the hour-long phone calls, and the days I miss your presence when you aren't with me,

I treasure the "Good morning and Good night," texts, the "I miss you," texts and the random check ins over the phone,

because these are all moments that's going to lead us to our destination, it's all pieces of the life we're building,

because these are moments we'll look back on one day, moments that'll we'll tell stories about to our little ones and ones that will be remembered when we stand in front of each other hand in hand, eyes locked, taking our vows,

proof that the wait was worth it, all the longing and days we felt it's going to be forever till the big day arrives was all worth it.



I long for you, and oh, it's such an itching desire to get a time machine and fast forward time,

but I'll live every moment fully appreciating it till the day arrives, as these moments are priceless, and best believe I'd never trade it for anything in the whole entire world,

as these are moments that make the yearning worth it,

because in the end, the wait will be worth it,

after all it's for him,

my person, my home,

the one who makes everything worth it.



- Because in the end, every moment apart was just a step closer to a forever with you ❤️