I’ve waited so long to talk to you.
I’ve messaged you and have waited
to hear back from you.
I am still waiting.
At this point, time isn’t a factor.
Even if I never hear anything,
I still will wait.

The closest I get to you now
is an algorithm.
Social media suggests you
as a new friend.
As much as I would love that—
to start over and pretend,
as painful as it sounds,
to love you in restriction,
trapped by some border,
like we’re strangers.

I stare at your picture and never
swipe the notification away.
In a way, it feels like old times.
The only thing missing is your voice.
You’re with me when I go to work,
you’re with me when I am in the car.
But nothing lasts forever.
By the time I wake up,
the notification is gone,
the screen is empty,
and you’re gone.

But your eyes—
the way that you smile—
have not left my memory.

I suppose I should be satisfied
with what I have now.
I’ve tried,
but I am not

Bad apple,
come spoil my bunch.
I've got a hunch
that you're a little sweet
and sour.
Cold's the wind
and late's the hour.
Let's soften together.

One good apple's all I ask.
I will not stoop or stretch.
Neither will I pay for it,
though I'm a starving wretch.

I will stand beneath the tree
and to it, gently call.
I will open up my arms
and hope the right one falls.

oh dear moon
so we meet again

I've been trying to avoid this
even though my room looks best
when basked in your silvern glow
in this light you shine on me
all my worries feel so far away
hours between me and reality

oh dear moon
let's confide in each other

I prefer the world this way
the layer of night covering it all
making me think I am alone
in the silence of the dark
not daring to turn on the lights
how else will I see your cold beauty?

oh dear moon
please be my muse

once you rise I feel at ease
words spilling onto the page
my brush flying across the canvas
as you charge me with creativity
and sometimes I simply sit and stare
while you illuminate my skin, my soul

oh dear moon
I have to leave

nothings pains me as much to admit
I cannot be here any longer
it tires me waiting until you rise
always dreading the moment I awake
but I've known this already forever
yet never able to rip free from your cycle

oh dear moon
we will meet again
in the early morning
at 3am

You extinguished the flame,
Yet the embers still glow,
In the quiet corners of my heart,
Where memories flow.
A tale of love and loss,
Shared from long distance,
In the red-lit dark,
A connection, a longing,
A love that begged for amnesia,
As tears stained Paris.
“Was it your husband?” you asked.
“No,” she replied,
“I met him years before,
When I was young and unformed,
Dynamic and beautiful,
With no real sense of my value.”
He saw it, delivered the experience,
I was unwilling to accept,
So I ran, he let me,
With beauty, passion,
And always a scan,
Looking deep into my soul,
Seeing me without words.
The combination of power,
Humility, generosity, passion,
Was too much to take as real,
So I ran, spent 20 years,
Washing him from the fabric of my soul.
I married the man,
Who reminded me in subtle ways,
Of who he was,
He became the bar,
By which all men were measured,
The haunting traits I looked for everywhere.
A strange thing occurred,
As he emerged from uncharted territory,
He identified as love,
Swept away for 16 years,
Bringing the total number of years to 33.
The phone call,
From what seemed like another dimension,
A voice so familiar, long awaited,
I nearly hit the floor,
I spent time examining,
Why now, after 16 years of intentional silence,
Shipwrecked in uncharted territory,
He named love.
We spoke,
I noticed so many versions of me,
Represented on that call,
None of them angry, all of them curious,
Multiple lifetimes flashed through my mind,
What we could’ve been,
Had he not gotten shipwrecked,
In uncharted territory.
But his love, capsized by a new bar set by you,
Extinguished this flame from the past,
I compared him to you,
A man he could never be,
I wished it was you on that call,
Instead of him,
When I tried to imagine a future with him,
I only saw us in the end,
Until sunbeams find you.

I wanna run to you in an airport
Like they do in 90s romance movies
Because I miss you and
I’ve been away from home for two years

I want to sit on the beach and explain the landscape that
You know better than I do
In the language it was originally loved in, that
You never bothered to learn

Why would you?
You dip your feet shallowly
Into the water instead of dunking yourself
Like I do, down up down up down
Because you’ll be back tomorrow
And I’ll spend fractions of me

Waiting for a call or a text
For 20 bucks to send you
To breathe plumeria-scented air
From the oil on the skin of your neck
For a picture of the freckles on the webbing

between your index and thumb, and the ring
That I bought you before I left so that in the pictures
you post with your white boyfriend
I’m there on your finger

So when he’s teaching you the ‘local’ lifestyle
I’m there on your finger
So when you island hop for a surfing class
You keep me on your finger, where I can feel the waves.

I want to come home but I can’t, not before
I buy you a new ring, out here
in the empty expanse of a Where’s Waldo puzzle
It has to be

Something expensive, something durable
That won’t tarnish in the island
humidity, something that your
San-Francisco friends will ooh and ahh at
Because I want to see you wearing it when I get home.

I’ve been away from home for fifteen years
I return in my dreams, but the soil
doesn’t feel right, and the love isn’t how
my mother’s father’s father described it

At the beach, lots of people swim, but no one else
Keeps their head under and lets the water breathe life into their hair.
Lets the water into their mouth, chokes, then does it again.
But I like the way you

Dipped your feet in when you watched me
Leave, on a boat chasing Troy
Venus my northern star
As I enter the storm

My boat floats through the violence,
against Poseidon’s abundant will
because my sail made up of duct-taped exam scores
And half-organized sermons
Is mightier than any of his sons

I’ve been away since 700 BCE
But you’ll still know me when I come home

pulling me up just to push me back down, to this cycle i'm bound. pride is a sin whether from you or within. i climb to the top not planning to stop but if i go too far—
just let me fly, be free. let me truly be me. unlock the door, release the chains because no matter how much you think you love me, you only put me in pain.
how can i heal when i begin to it's my skin you peel. bring me back to "perfect," everything you dreamed for me, but that's not who i am, can't you see?!
just let me live my life, the way i intend too. you treat me like a trial run, how is that fun for you?
this is my life, not yours. leave me alone