anxiety runs through my veins
self-destructive thoughts swirl in my head
my hands tremble
tears blur my vision
bone deep loneliness sends chills down my body
I feel so alone
I text people
but it's all in vain
I get left on delivered
for hours upon hours
a heaviness settles in my chest
maybe they don't want anything to do with me
maybe they were pretending to be my friend
maybe I'm annoying them with my problems
maybe I'm nothing to them
tears spill down my face
I hold in my sobs
my phone taunts me
with the texts marked as delivered
I can't do this
I feel so alone
I feel like a burden
with all this overthinking

I feel alone
in my own shell:
playing pretend,
with my smile laid out on a shelf.
I’ll study grinns until they fit my heart.
And they cover it with blinding light.
Because the darkness
became a treasure I shall only see.
I let no one grasp it,
no one touches my true self.
No wonder I feel alone
when I don’t let anyone see myself.

I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks now
my eyes are drier than driest deserts

I feel like a flower slowly losing my colour and petals
my ears long your laughs
which were never for my humour

like a night blooming cereus
mysterious, unique
and I am just a simple daisy
common, innocent

it’s just a crush they told
can a simple crush change me? No.
but true love can

he loved you for your beauty, who wouldn’t?
meanwhile I loved you for your real beauty

beauty that comes from the inside
like a honeybee I come to the smell of nectar
not to the deceiving colours

please come back
even if you don’t even acknowledge me
your face wakens a part which I never knew
and your smiles and laughs fuel it

all these fantasies breaking away with
every passing day without your presence

I don’t want it to end,
it is the only world in which I can feel love
and moreover where I can love you

In Time
To be understood, that’s all I needed.
To be touched, not just skin-deep but soul deep.
But I was never truly seen.

My eyes dulled hollowed.
Yours… gone.
I watched from behind invisible bars
As you kept living.

A hollow man, buried in memories.
Stuck in the past,
Convicted by what I did,
By what we were,
By your love, your promises.

And I still wonder…
Did God turn His face from me?
Did your eyes ever really care?
Was I just a stepping stone on your cruel little journey?

“I love you,” I whispered,
Heart still waiting for you to come home.
Mind frozen in time,
A relic waiting to be remembered.

There was a girl who danced in the rain.
No one understood her or cared for her pain.
She danced out in the puddles all alone.
No sun in sight, for it had set long ago.
She used the thunder booms to dampen her screams,
As she pondered through the pitter-patter, what everything means.
Sometimes the others would spray her with a hose,
Knocking her glasses off her nose.
They’d shatter,
Masked by the pitter-patter,
They’d laugh at her,
Since it didn’t matter to them.
She was going through a storm with winds like a hurricane.
All that the others saw was a girl going insane.
All that she wanted was someone to listen to her cries,
But all that anybody did when they looked her way was sigh.
She danced throughout the night,
The lightning lit up the sky.
She would have danced till the end of time,
If he hadn’t stepped into her life.
He took her hand,
Stopped her from spinning around.
The rain fades away from where they stand,
And she finally feels found.
The girl who danced in the rain,
Found a partner for her ballet.

I know you’re tired of me, because I’m tired of myself. And it’s not just the weight of my body, but the relentless echo of my thoughts, circling like vultures over the dead parts of me I can’t seem to resurrect. Each morning feels like I’m peeling myself out of bed, shedding skin that’s steeped in shame. I watch you sip your drink, knowing it’s easier than saying my name. You used to look at me like I was the sunset, worth staying a little longer for. Now your eyes drift: to the clock, to the glow of your phone, to anywhere but here. And I can’t bring myself to blame you. I built a mausoleum out of what we had, hoping you’d still find warmth in a tomb. My chest wasn’t always this hollow, but over time it unraveled, thread by thread, pulled by hands that mimicked mine. Now even your kindness makes me flinch, and the silence between us feels like confirmation of everything I fear. Somehow, I’m always too much and never enough all at once. I understand if your soul is weary, calloused by the effort it takes just to keep trying. I’ve carried the ache of my own presence for so long that sometimes, even I wish I could leave.

I could pretend I’ve got it together,
Feign ignorance,
Fake confidence.
I could lie and say im fine with it,
Choke on trickery,
Cheat each bit of me.
But the truth of it is simple,
I fell in love and you fell backwards.
I’m moving slowly and you are
Moving on.
I went off the rails and you just
Went home.

I have dealt with many things,
but to you I am just dramatic,
a lier even.
Whenever I open my heart,
you shove it into a box,
making it harder every time.

"I'm Depressed"
I finally tell you,
seeking comfort in your words,
even though they scare me further.

But, you let me down,
you told me the words I feared the most.
                  "Your just a teenager, you don't know what that means"

Then, what's wrong with me?
Why do I dream of jumping off,
of never coming back.

Maybe I'm just being a teen,
or maybe that's just a lie.