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shedoom 3d
There is a deep empty space inside of me
which no one wishes to understand
My tears are a monument to them
My strife and toil is their eternal bliss
quietly forgotten I sink deeper
I never wished to be this way It was none of my choice
to be an off **** in your field of flowering blossoms
soon to be snuffed out and forgotten in the amber
dust to dust ashes to ashes
overlooked and unwanted unneeded and unhelpful
A deep stain in the linen needing only to be removed
When will I be set free? When will it end?
There is nothing left for me here. There never was
and there never will be.
i do not know what i feel
the void in my heart echoes defeat

all i ever wanted was a loving home
yet nothing seems to catch up to my desire
seems im only getting further away from it

nomatter how much i try to gaslight myself
the truth is always staring me back in my solar
i know what i know yet i can't
if i do, i'll be the one responsible for it

this is all too much to bear alone
my therapists can only do so much, im impatient
i want resolution right now

i just want the same warm arms to consistently feel safe at home.

what if i was never meant to experience this?
and it's just wishful thinking?
will my life only amount to desiring and watching others get it instead?

i did everything right with my heart
yet i feel my life doesn't reflect the depths of my being
what is missing?

my worth, my certainty
they evade me when i need them the most
what will become of me in this timeline?
noway to know but surrender to the flow of life happening as me
so I lament
sadness should be felt without needing fixing
what depths are your human calling you to explore within yourself?
It's easier to talk about
bacon-wrapped pineapple,
than all of the things
no one ever wants
to talk about.
Soph 7d
Am I annoying?
Too loud?
It feels like
I'm friends with shadows

Wondering why
No one replies
No one makes plans with me

Who'd want to be
With someone
Who's quiet one moment
And annoying the other?

Left out
Alone
Hurting

But I wouldn't want
To be a burden
So I **** it up
Stay quiet
Charles and my predawn jog was a sweat-athon and as the sun rose, a heat-dome brightness tattooed crisp shadows in every corner. Any lingering coolness was burned off - evaporated.

It was 94°f, 3 hours later, when I walked to campus - why don’t we use  parasols anymore? Drag on, radiant afternoon heat, please.
That was 100 proof sarcasm, in case you couldn’t tell.

Hot days seem to drag-on slowly, like waiting for a microwave or a droning, liturgy. It wasn’t in the forecast but I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear, “Today’s forecast is slow, really slow.”

Let’s start an Internet theory that the atmosphere is thinning or we’re just ants under a magnifying glass.

The finally setting sun left a blood red line under the falling blue dark, like a **** of wound in the skin of young-night.

Once my nightly obligations are done (classes, homework, reading), the silence can seem oppressive. I’m used to the never ending hustle, boiling drama and noise of seven suitemates - so there’s that.

On now empty nights, I’m tortured by the high-beating pulse of youth, and I pace my empty apartment, like someone restlessly waiting for their venti-mocha-latte at a Starbucks.

Can anyone suffer like a young woman left all alone?
Why, oh whomever, must I sip from this deep, bitter, undrinkably salty sea of solitude?

In this, my prime season, why do I only manage to exist?
My needs are in a shameful state of decay.
.
.
Cruel Summer by Bananarama
Habits (feat. Haley Reinhart) by Scott Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox [E]
All That I Need by Ebony Loren, Matthew Ifield & Sebastian Kamae
BLT Merriam Webster word of the day challenge 06/27/25:
oblige (obligation, noun form) = something required or forced
Maybe I don’t have a purpose.
Nothing bad has happened to me.
I’ve worked hard for everything I have now.
Maybe that’s to fix the dreams of the little girl,
Who had everything taken away from her.
Her room, her possessions, her ability to trust.
Nothing but broken promises.
Filling up her bubble of hope too many times.
If I had purpose, would I be able to expect my expectations?
I see nothing but disappointment in every human.
Is this real?
If I had purpose,
Maybe I would be fulfilled.
Maybe if I had purpose,
I would be well loved.
If I have purpose,
Maybe I would enjoy the world.
If I had purpose,
I would have company.
If I had purpose.
It seems like lately
Its all been pain and frustration
And I realized
That I go to counseling
And I'm told about how toxic
All of my relationships are
And I realize
That I don't know who to love anymore
And I just don't know
If it's worth it to me
To rid myself of poison foods
If it means I'll have to starve.
I know she's right. I know that I have a tendency to form toxic relationships because of all that I've been through. But it just seems as though in the process of stripping off the people who aren't good for me, I'm also losing everyone who I love and I don't know if I want to be alone for the sake of getting better. I don't know if I am willing to face the fact that I have a lifetime of bad relationships and that they need to be torn down in order for new and better ones to be built, you know?
Lance Remir Jun 27
I write about you
Every single day
Letters upon letters
Entries and poetries
Writing of us, of you
Lovingly and angrily 
Yearning and lonely
Every single night
Chapters and stories
Emotions and thoughts
Thousands of words
Even with all this
You can't even send
A single word back
mae Jun 27
i slept in the arms of cities
with no names,
listened to taxis like lullabies
while the moon
pushed its hips against my window.
Hawley Anne Jun 26
Led by only moonlight.
I wander till im lost.

I find myself in a forest
untouched by all but frost.

Its quieter than death itself
I'm afraid to even breathe.
I can feel the eyes upon my back.

I try, but fail to scream.

So lost now, what do I do?
I dont know my left from right.

The darkness seems to compress
I search for a source of light.

I look for any kindness within, the demons surrounding me.
******, vile, hate and rage are all that I can see, so I sit down and hug my knees.


As I pray " please someone find me"
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