she's just the kind of girl
basement dwellers portray
scamming cash from weirdos
the dumb ones anyway

she wants to be a doctor
but life gets in the way
she still finds time to hit the gym
and keep the belly at bay

sometimes I have to pinch her
"just making sure you're real"
she smiles but I don't think she knows
the way she makes me feel

it's like rain at the window
while you're warm inside
it's finding the sharpest pencil
when you really need to write

it's the clinking of coffee cups
beneath the morning sun
and Euclid's consternation
as two remain one

she's just my kind of girl
that's all I have to say
the kind of girl to make you wish
you could sleep all day

I’m rocking back and forth against the hull of my loneliness,
Stuck in knowing it’s goodbye
But not being able to say I love you
or I’m sorry.
I’m crying with joy and longing as I lie in the love and conversation around me,
Wishing it were mine.
I’ve been high so long my heart rate stopped going down with the sun.
Going over it all all over again all the time.
I feel like a child again, terrified by the the dark, the wind, the eyes of men.
I’m breaking down in the line at the gas station.
Looking out the glass wall at a Lovecraftian highway,
Flickering florescent lights like the ones from The Exorcist.
On my way to a cavernous husk of a family dinner,
Most of them gone now.
Just me, my mother, and my widowed, bereaved, great aunt.
There’s a stupid old cardboard cutout of a mascot next to me grinning too widely, holding up its product.
I scream and tear it’s head off it’s body
In my mind.
I have work on Monday.
This is life.

It had been a while
Even tho no tears were shed
I could feel it was a wound tt would possibly leave a huge scar
I had no bad intentions when i said it
I had no ill meaning when i did it
I did it out the pure feeling of longing
Out of the innocent feeling of yearning
If i had to mke an apology
I would be apologising for loving a woman like a lil girl


It was all love at first
And that love kept growing n spiraling out of control
Every Time my hrt beat ...... i swear i could feel it ...... as if its about to break through the cage
Every Time i put my hand on my chest it was as if im trying to calm a mad dog down
A feeling i loved n hated
Cause Every Time it reminded me of how deep it was
How deep the wound was gonna be
As i kept replaying the worst case scenario in my head
And making more rush decisions
In a sad attempt to protect my heart


In the end it didn't hurt
At least not at the moment
But the longer i sat there the more i could feel the wound opening
As if its about to rip my hrt in 2
I clutched at my chest
Held on for dear life
The laughter echoed in the empty starry nyt
Reminisce of a broken heart
No, a broken mind
As i sat there feeling regret from the words protect your heart.

Recently “minutes” or recently “hours”?
Recently, minutes were reasonably ours.
Like how I “recently” saw him at the grocery store,
And “recently” went back, hoping I might again.

Sure, we spoke…
Recently.

So I logged on, recently,
Just to see what’s up.
That’s how it always is,
And the status is always the same:
“Recently”

built up my walls
to avoid this
reinforced them with metal
lined up the windows with wood
bolted the doors
Swore on my life that I wouldn't let anyone through
but I missed a hole in the corner
and a little mouse snuck in somehow;  undetected
but I let it roam as it pleased
It wouldn't harm me?

little did I know he was a devil in disguise

the piercing screams of insults
ones that became engraved in your subconscious
just to be written in the back of your heart with a knife
another scar to add to your extensive list

run

like a plane crashing to the floor, millions of pieces breaking off in the air
similarly to how she always manages to fall apart in the most volatile way
each level of insanity leading to another part of my body becoming a target
she always manages to find another target

run

the wrath consuming me
years of pent up frustration, i eventually become my own worst enemy
all because of what? someone else's words? some insane person's actions?
but i can't control it, i can't help it, i can't do anything but think of the worst

run

in my fantasy, i'm soaring through the night sky
while a multitude of lights are shining beneath me
knowing my end, knowing my impending doom
but in that moment, i know she can't hurt me anymore - so i win

you can't run anymore. the run is over.

i knew deep down that the person in the picture wasn't really you
but in my fantasy you were everything i had ever wanted

but oh how i miss being held in your arms
in distressful times such as these, i find myself wanting to run to you

to feel your embrace
to feel your presence
to have the warmth of your cheeks pressed against my mine
when you ran your hand through my hair, reassuring me
that everything would be okay in the end
but it wasn't.

i quickly remind myself who you really were in the end
the disappointment still consumes me

stuck in an endless cycle of criticism
just to avoid the mere idea of being hurt
the idea of letting someone fully into my heart, just to take another piece of it away?
it's something my mind and heart cannot fathom yet again

is my judgement something that can be seen as egotistical?
funny how i hate myself so much, yet try to hold you to such a high standard
but i know love cannot be formed in this manner
love isn't about changing someone into what you want
but rather about accepting and loving them for who they are

my mind judges the immaturity you have, like any other teenage boy
or the way you aren't my ideal person, academically
yet i admire the way you talk about your passions
or how you kiss me until i feel okay again
maybe that's what matters more

envy overflows like a landslide corroding a road