I'm trying to find a girl. She hides behind tears that no one sees her cry. I think she's trapped under a mountain of insecurities and lies people have told her. If you find her, can you tell her she's loved. Wanted. Can you help her understand she's not a burden if she wants to talk to someone?

Standing in the middle of these innumerable insecurities..
Still waiting for those fake possibilities!!
Surrounded by all those liars!
Who pretend to be my admirers;
Feeling too low to express..
Too low to introspect!
Loosing everyone I've ever had,
Everyday things grow even bad!!
Too alone to be consoled...
Too exposed to be hated!!
Feeling soo alone,
Amidst of this mess I've created..
Far away from life!
With nothing for me to revive.

Here I'm alone with tears...
Growing silent..numb.. holding all my devastating fears!!

i wish i were normal
do normal things when i go out
being attracted to normal people
i wish the way I dress sometimes were normal
i wish for my expressions to be common,
to see the world as it truly is
to have normal dreams,
and a normal state of mind
making me a confortable person to keep around
and a perfectly normal person for being loved.

✨I fear the unknown

I'm walking down the aisle,
Looking all beautiful and elegant,
Maybe all this to impress the man standing infront of the altar, waiting for me.
But it doesn't feel right,
Something's missing.
Unlike other brides,
I'm not that happy.
Maybe that's what it feels like,
The congregation seem happy for me, for us, but my heart ain't,
Its frowning, I'd have thought its jealousy 'cause someone else gonna share it, but no, it's a strong feeling, tag war between the heart and mind, instincts and the 'love' I think is there.

I'm closer to the altar,
He's ready to take my hand and lead me to the journey fate planned for us,
But ****, my mind is strolling on a different lonely path,
A lane of no return, of looking back, a lane that...
I'm worried now,
With questions in my heart,
Maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm too nervous, but where is this trust I claimed to have,
Where is this love?
Is this a mistake?did we rush things on such a short notice?
Am I really lucky like my girlfriends say?

We are already here,
My dad is handing me over to him,
Instead of being elated, I'm feeling scared,
Is this the right thing to do?
Am I really on the right path?
Why am I so insecure?why do I think he's gonna forget all this, and see me as a nobody someday?
Why do I feel he's gonna fall out of love,  and no longer treasure what we have?
Why am I too engrossed to the thoughts that he's gonna hurt me, he's not gonna show me respect even infront of our kids,
****, talking of kids, what if he leaves us, what if he finds a perfect lady and think all that we have, the family, is all a mistake?
What if I confront him someday and he decides that its over for us, what if he raises his hands on me,
Will I take all that?
Am I really ready for this man, for this new phase for me?

The ring is already on my finger,
Now I'm not just the girl they used to know,
I already have his second name,
He owns me now,
There's nothing like looking back, escaping this,
I've owned up to it,
So maybe, just maybe, I should shun these thoughts away,
And be happy, or that's what I think,
Let me laugh, smile, love while it lasts,
Cause the future is uncertain, not even my insticts can define it or predict what will happen,
So I'm looking back at this man, I smile,
My heart praying and hoping, this is the best decision I've ever made!

©tiana💞...