Every beautiful surface has a terrible depth. - unknown


The mysterious formation
of pristine turquoise glaciers
in my heart.
Are the monuments of all
my cold goodbyes.
The terrible ache of the chaos of life,
broke off an island of ice
seeking the why.
The tip of the iceberg is
frozen shards of what's left behind.
Sinking voyaging thoughts
from the dark depths of my mind.

Standing there is a beautiful man
who says take my hand.
I will forever be your land.

I gave you my time, my thoughts, my care,
But you left me hanging, like I wasn’t there.
I tried to be patient, waited for you to see,
But I was always left with silence in between.

I reached out, I asked, I did my part,
But you never replied, and it broke my heart.
You were glued to your phone, always online,
Yet I was the one left waiting, every time.

Maybe you don’t see, maybe you don’t know,
The hurt in my chest every time you let go.
I’m tired of the games, tired of the lies,
Tired of waiting for something that never tries.

So now, I’ll step back, no more chasing you,
If you miss me, you’ll know what you put me through.
I won’t explain, I won’t make you see,
Because you should have known what you meant to me.

we locked eyes and i didn’t know i’d already started to drown
you spoke in fire but all i saw was the glow.
promises bled through your teeth,
as you hid the ashes in the sheath.
your touch was a symphony of desire,
but love, it seems, was a language
you never learned to inspire.

you held me like a trophy.
but trophies don’t have hearts, do they?

and then, there was blood.
not the kind that heals,
but the kind that screams in silence,
that no one sees or feels.
i waited for your hand!
for your voice to break the ache
but your care was a phantom,
a shadow i couldn’t shake.
you kissed my name on your boots?
yet left me bleeding in my bed.  
your love was a script, rehearsed.
while i lived without an urge.
i gathered myself in the dark,
each fragment, each broken part,
but i left before the light had burned
before you saw my heart returned.
i burned what the boys left of me
and rose from the ashes,
again, wild and free.

for i am no man’s reflection
i am my own truth, my own salvation.

in whispers soft, our tale did start,
he, the constant beat within my heart,
through all my flaws, his love prevailed,
yet now, it's like a ship that sailed. (drifted away)

in whispered vows, we danced in dreams,
but now, reality it seems,
has torn our love like shattered beams.

his gaze, once warm, now icy cold,
my love, a story never told,
i loved him deeply, hearts enfold,
now distant shores, my love untold.

in silent tears, my heart does weep,
a love so deep, now lost in sleep,
i gave my all, our secrets keep,
but now alone, i sadly reap. (feelings of loneliness and heartache)

as i watch him drift away,
i'll cling to memories, come what may,
for love, though lost, still finds its way.

When we crossed paths again
The only intimacy that was shared
Were our shadows overlapping
And even then
Yours was the first to leave

and if one day
you decide to stop calling
i’ll still be leaving my phone
with the sound on
for the night

What draws me in, to this?

Is it love, or something twisted—
Said a mother to her daughter
It's so hard to tell the difference

                            But please;
                                     I need to know the difference

"
I didn't understand then
And I won't pretend to know much more now;
All I can do is try to not be angry
                          
                            And at that, I'll fail.
                                                           ­        But I'll learn

"
I used to believe in the world, with an innocent infatuation for its goodness

Now I believe, with a knowing compassion for its faults

...

I think things that are perfect are easy to love;

         We meet God in our love for that which is not

I looked at you as a stranger
Even though I know your favorite color
Pink, because you thought it was cute

You talked differently to me
Even though I remember that smile
Especially when you laughed at my jokes

Your gestures moved stiffly
Even though I remember how it felt
Being embraced by them as we lay together

Your eyes seemed normal
Even though they used to light up
When I gave you your favorite sweets

Your hands are stilled
Even though we talked about marriage
Your ring size, which golden band you preferred

Your tone is quiet
When it was loud, passionate
As we talked about our future and dreams

We had some distance between us
Even though your warmth, your hair
Was laying on my chest before

You spoke quick, punctual
When I remember your slangs, accent
Speaking freely and comfortably around me

You were so reserved
Even though we told each other
"I love you"

There was tension
When it used to feel safe, opened
Calling each other "home"

We said goodbye
When we used to say
"Always and Forever"

Strangers once more
Like in the beginning
But ending just as that

The worst part was thinking I saw you,
A you with depth,
A depth that matched mine,
But you just turned out to be
like everyone else.

In my headphones
’My favourite faded fantasy’
By Damien Rice plays—
Spare souls— one or two broken hearts
and Me, once again,
All of us
Waiting for a bus to take us
away.
Flickering lights,
And 2 am’s old friend,
Cold.. so cold.
In between heavy silence,
And pity stares,
I can’t help but compare,
Peacefully silent, you
warm and sound asleep
In your room,
A 5-min walk,
right around the corner.