Oh the stars and moonlight
The stunning shine
But that shine is not enough to get you out of my mind
Morning walks
While we just talk
Nights on the grass
While we wish for time to not pass
Stuck in our own world
Were it's just us
The sun rises
And I too arise
Look to my right
And you are not in my sight
For you, my darling
Only live in my dreams

I know how to carry pain
not like a burden,
but like a second skin.
I've walked through fire in silence,
kissed betrayal on the cheek
and called it by name.

I know bad words.
Not just the ones they speak,
but the ones they plant
in the soil of a soft heart
and leave to grow wild.

I've tasted different traits
bitterness sweetened by charm,
gentleness sharpened to a blade.
I've danced with shadows in daylight
and called it love.

But this one...
this is new.

This ache that lives in my ribs,
this grief that kicks from inside,
this quiet war I fight
while smiling, while feeding,
while staying alive.

Excuse me,
but I’ve never been pregnant
with someone else's cruelty before.
Excuse me
if I need space
to untangle this web
before I decide which thread to cut.

I will lie here,
wrapped in blankets and restraint,
saying “I’m fine”
while every door in this house
begs to be torn from its hinges.

I want to set this silence on fire.
I want to burn this version of me
and walk barefoot through the ash
until I meet the woman
waiting on the other side
the one who chose herself.

I’ve known pain.
But this one is new.
And still
I will survive.
Because I have to.
Because I always do.

I cry often and hard at the moment,
From the soul
Anxiety is rampant and how I wish it wouldn’t control me
I’m too heavy for the people I want to bring joy
But he listens and he cares and he knows the outlines of the darkness inside of me
He kissed my hands and my head
When I called him beautiful
He almost cried