Don’t ever forget them but remember and accept.
Let go of their fault for when you cried and wept.

Sad to say goodbye but don’t fill your world with misery.
Try to focus on the positives and the good history.

Don’t move on but take it all in and to your heart.
So much guilt with the pros of your sad depart.

Never got to say goodbye in that **** hospital that morn.
But continue your life and cherish it
while you mourn.

(I wore blue)

It was spring, I remember.
2022
My mother didnt wake me.
left it to the Sun's golden hue.
When she awoke, "why must you forsake me?!"
Thats when I knew.
We parked in a garden of stone,
So many things to do.
As she rested her grey head,
dressed up in red,
while I wore blue.
Would grammy have been cross?
She was always the boss.
I honestly have no clue...
But for all who may have wondered,
this much I'm sure is true.
No one as sad as I that night,
the night that i wore blue.

Living in reverse,
rewriting our love
in careless verse,
denying all that died
in between sacred seconds
we were able to cry.

I want us to crawl
back to that hole
all our shadows
ever put us.

Even if all we do
is lie to the sun,
become blind to light,
perhaps the darkness,
just the darkness
understands us.

i don't know how to process grief,
so i pick the memories,
put them in a basket,
like apples plucked from a tree.

there they'll rot, pungent and sweet,
until it ferments,
and then i'll get drunk on the memory.

the rancid cider hardly sates the thirst,
but going down it feels like pins and needles,
and my throat swells with a memory reversed.

I fall back into the comfort of our once existence.
every time the  other sibs cry out your absence
in black texts- how they MISS YOU SO MUCH.
And yet, your stories are my memories.
In their writing down I am there with you, so much.
There with you -mom- in that old faded yellow Chevrolet
traveling the black top of highways and backroads-
you in the driver seat until it was my turn-
the white lines coding out our secret message-
GO- LET US KEEP GOING.

i hate it.... i hate absolutely everything everything about this, all i see is the dark red glow of pain.
you not even looking back as you walked away,
the air being ****** out of me as i fall to the ground,
my knee's bleeding open as i landed on the cold pavement,
the flashbacks of us holding hands,
kissing,
dreaming.
weren't we happy?
what did i do wrong?
why did you leave me?....
because know im here alone,
begging and begging and begging you to please come back....
begging the oxygen to return to my lungs.
begging for anything to feel something other than this.
-Faith Cubitt

call me when it's over,
i'd rather not watch it all from the start.
rewind to the credits,
make sure to read every single name out loud.

keep the tape rolling,
there might be a hidden message or two.
my mind is unstable,
but the state of it's got nothing to do with you.

so call me when it's over,
i've seen it a million times inside my head.
rewind to the credits,
read the names and remember that most of them are dead.

We suffer from a sense of separation
Separation from self, soul,
brothers.
We suffer from thoughts run rampant in our heads,
Emotions left unchecked, stuffed, and ignored.
We suffer from memories stuck in our bodies
In the tissues
The cells
Encoded and bound.

The sense of separation is false,
A lie.
A myth we’ve been sold
A part of our conditioning
Domestication in drag.

When we can stop
And stare our faults,
Straight in the face,
Without cowering.
Eye to eye with the shadow
With love (and fear)
And grace.
We can then dance with our faults,
Our Shortcomings
Our humanity.

And then my friend
We realize
we’ve always been whole.
A part,
Not apart,
Of the cosmic wave.

We see then that we’re connected
To our souls and the divine.
And can be there for our brothers
who’ve been left behind.