2 times 2 is four, as my life path
always wonder if I am on the right path
wish I could calculate my path, extract the unknown
prove it with words and numbers, not just inner knowing and tarot cards
math is more believable to the severed body
I use other means to understand my body
holistic, artistic, there's always another way
deterministic, statistic, no place for the grey
calculate how best to waste your days

Sunrise brings realization that you are really gone
Amidst the golden beams poured onto my lawn
Morning sky wide with opportunity blue
All I'm able to focus on is you
Taking time to change your mind
The veil of denial rendering me blind
You notice me when it's required
Games have made me so ******* tired
Rays of sunshine warmly fall onto my cheeks
Have not worn an authentic smile in over three weeks
The birds sing a cheerful serenade
Their musical voices to my ears all but fade
You block any memory remaining here
Would be happier if all trace of me disappeared
Will hear your compliments if there's something you need
Motives hidden between your lines aren't hard to read
Sunset floods fire
Room filled with a glow
Goodnight said to secrets you alone will only know
Footprints on my heart because you tread upon my chest
Stomping the vulnerable parts you once caressed
You do not observe scars you left on my skin
You're too selfish
Subconsciously rubbing it in
The space you once occupied is now vacant and cold
Chasm of darkness is all it seems to hold
Blackness comes creeping as the light goes down
Relieved night cloaks my visible frown
Swallowing earth but it sticks in my throat
When it does finally reach my stomach I bloat
Bites I choked down churn in my gut
Tempted to *****
I keep my mouth shut
And fill the gaps in your life with cheap connections
Lost
Fool yourself by picking random directions
I suspect eyes will not sparkle for long
You with someone else just has to be wrong
Reality is not black and white
In fact colors are brighter because I feel grey
Don't understand how you could lose my love and be okay

they are polluted by my delusion
they were born to ruin
my tears are acidic and my burden is heavy
my fears are basic and I feel incomplete already
it's a lot to wrap my head around, especially when my feet are not on the ground
I'd rather ride the clouds or catch a wave
who determined that life had to be so grey, day in and day out
paychecks in and I already spent it, this hole I cannot get out
my teardrops are acid and my god I cannot hold them in any longer
my emotions are stronger the longer they harbor.

The cold January air has filled my lungs. A fiery gaze I give the moon—my tight breathing, hitching, my divine shadow foreshadowing what will happen next. Blood and my sweet cherry wine.

The stars hovering over the moon and the grey clouds fogged up and him, beside me. His heartbeat almost dugged out of his chest, even if I can make out what will he say next, I make sure I wear an all smile. He needs to see I am better off without him. He needs to know I will be okay.

And the next thing I knew... He was gone far away like a ship in the night, drowned by waves and dark fiery gaze of the ocean, I listen, as I slowly loses the noise of everyone, I lost myself. And then this song came, another tears swell at the sight of my eyes. I sang a little bit, and a part of me lost everything that night.

The cold January air and my sweet cherry wine.

I wake up
Heart pounding
Staring at a grey wall
I lay there in silence
A dull sting of nothingness
Capturing my soul
Eyes wide open
I keep on staring
Hoping to feel something
Alas, I never do