I got so afraid of losing you that I subconsciously numbed myself of your love

My biggest fear came a reality when I realized I was pushing you away

When really all I wanted was you touching me, loving me

I became ungrateful and unbelieving of your love so I wouldn't worry about losing you

But, I've come to realize, I want to risk feeling the pain of losing you

I want to love you so hard that, if this was our last day, I'd lay easy knowing I loved you with all I had

Worrying about the future, unwillingly numbed my present

And, I will fight so so hard to get it back

It is in this moment of shame that I am most dishonoured

I can physically hear the folds of my clothing rumple as I collapse into the sidewalk of my mind-- skull fragments reverberating off the backs of my teeth and echoing dully in the absence of mind.

Silently and absently, I will expire -- My final call

Again

              
                 and


                               Again


I will die here...
                               Even if only just in a dream