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Kngblaq 18m
Heavy is the head that wears the crown,
A crown of blood, of love, of frown.
He fights the demons, in and out—
Such is the man who soars with doubt.

Provider, Protector, Pontiff, King—
Each role a weight, a stinging sting.
The price is steep, the path is grim,
It strips the soul and hardens him.

Parallel lives now blur the norm,
Behind calm eyes, a quiet storm.
Smiles conceal the tears they hide —
Each man must pay, with self and pride.

"Be bold," they say. "Be strong. Be brave."
Yet none can see the toll it gave.
The pain, the shame, the silent cries—
That is all that is left when honor lies.

In mirrors cracked by time and years
He sees a face he can not revere.
A man of strength, yet worn and torn,
By battles fought since he was born.

And still he walks, though limbs may shake,
For others’ peace, his own he will break.
A living myth, a silent vow —
But who will crown the weary now?
~Kngblaq
The struggles of young man trapped between love and family
Days melt into each other
Like wax figures under the sun
Monday was four days ago
I could swear it was Tuesday today
8:00AM was one hour ago,
It’s 8:00PM
What did I eat today?
The pain of tomorrow
Ruhani 14h
Though the world feels too small
but my wings still can't fathom all
The northern air sways right
but my body refuses
to lift my soul.
Shall I leave my fate
to the wind beneath
or take the plunge
in the ocean's fall.
star May 27
the fall 5.20.25 (4:29 pm / 16:29)
none of us are really afraid of heights
we’re afraid of the fall
we’re afraid of the pain
and what will happen when we hit the ground

is it wrong to not be scared
is is wrong to want that

i’m insane i know
i’m not all right, yes, i know

i know i wouldn’t care if i slipped
i know i’d be happy freefalling down
i know that wouldn’t be a bad end of me

maybe that’s wrong
to want to destroy such a gift
life

[playing: dandelion and hampstead by ariana grande]
Little so little i see this light
Its afar i see from a blinding height
I see im barely catching my breathe,
As its when death might knock my door
The door of life my chamber holds
A frail and Fragile tis' a hollow shell
An empty flesh ,An Hour glass
The time drifts like sand from my hands
Slowly and gradually escaping my grips
Of my mind Of my soul of my nerves that would bind
This rotten flesh left to die
I feel this cold sowing this seed
I felt it growing beneath my feet
Its vines adorned with prickling thorns
Slowly wrapping my arms and bones
I feel imprisoned by this darkness
But still that light lingers afar
Sometimes hovering above my eyes
But i see it never ,i see it never
As death still creeps near beside
Near my bed Near my body
I see my time might be near
But this sticking soul never lets go
This rotten body of flesh and bones
Freezed and shivered with frosts that froze
The tips of my fingers still feel too cold
I might never know when ill see my home
Im left alone all alone
This darkness that wraps me whole
This light still lingers just beside me
Whispering my name singing my songs
But still this thought haunts my mind
I might not live ;Not anymore
Any passing second;These eyes would close
My soul would drift to the lands of yore
Wishing and Bidding me Farewells ;Oh Lord!
Thats when i cry;
Take me Lord!
Take me Lord!
Take my body ,my very soul
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  _tsuki no ume.....
Led by only moonlight.
I wander till im lost.

I find myself in a forest
untouched by all but frost.

Its quieter than death itself
I'm afraid to even breathe.
I can feel the eyes upon my back.

I try, but fail to scream.

So lost now, what do I do?
I dont know my left from right.

The darkness seems to compress
I search for a source of light.

I look for any kindness within, the demons surrounding me.
******, vile, hate and rage are all that I can see, so I sit down and hug my knees.


As I pray " please someone find me"
What are you supposed to say
when you run out of words
Teary eyes to the sky
Only silence to be heard

What am I supposed to say
When words don't even come close
To the mountain highs and weary skies
When I'm left without a single verse

What am I supposed to do
When my brain becomes an empty room
When my heart plays out it's final chord
Not even my soul speaks my truth
.
i made the front door my enemy
staying inside to concentrate
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  on written projects
i devilled away daysĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
exorcised away my rights
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to the world out there

now (with projects complete) Ā Ā Ā 
i approach the door
Ā Ā Ā Ā  theorize that I am wanted beyondĀ 
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to receive sustenance
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  and be free of my aches ...

... or
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to become sustenanceĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
give in to my condition
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā to pass back my remaining valueĀ Ā Ā 
hand in my reportĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  with the staples removed
be resolvedĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
as some gaseous defeat

i bravely open the doorĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
there is no attack by nature
nor any euphoric reward
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā  i am left alone to feel my own way
to give and receive breaths
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā steps are takenĀ Ā Ā Ā  Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
and signals interpreted
rejoining the worldĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā  Ā Ā  Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā 
as if uninterrupted
minor alterations made. originally written approx summer 2024
Most go through the motions daily
without thinking Sunday 8:30 AM
Walking the park with my dog
I noticed something that seemed off
The kind of thing you can’t put your finger on
It’s a feeling a thought something
that made me turn and look again

A White middle-aged man heavyset
Wearing a white ill fitted dress shirt,
a red tieĀ Ā Solid black dress slacks
It’s Sunday OK I could believe that
He had the hand of a little girl five maybe six
She was dressed in really shortĀ Daisy Duke jeans
A white tank top with flowers
Her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail
Low at the base of her neck

Her head forward eyes fixed the ground
When somebody passes by I give the
Standard Greeting Hello good morning.
He replied good morning.

It’s what the child did behind her back.
That panicked me to the core
I needed to see it once more
She had left hand behind her back, her thumb in towards touching her palm
She was moving her little fingers in and out
Slow determination with urgency first,
I wasn’t sure what I saw

She looked over her shoulder
Then quickly , looked down at her hand,
Returning it behind her back and then
Glancing at him afraid he might see
head forward eyes to the ground
****** features emotionless frown
Not a word spoke, but you saw
something in her eyesĀ Ā Fear
Almost a tear
The movements of the hand quicker
Fingers wider thicker
each time she looked behind at me
Attempting to get my to see
There was no interaction between
the adult male and the child except
for his controlling grip on her right hand

Next to the swings
There was this makeshift square blue tarps
Fashioned into an enclosure
He extended his hand and the hand of the little girl towards the enclosure.. A hand emerged from the within without the rest of the person being seen.
Again, her hand quickly extending and closing wildly gesturing now frantically apparent
The little girl disappeared in the enclosure

The man maintained distance waiting in silence
There were two young adult white, male and female, tattoos up and down their arms with them
Three children all boys, different ages I’m guessing
7,9,10Ā Ā silent
They did not wiggle, or giggle .they did not do anything, but stand perfectly still.
Honestly I did not notice that at first.
My mind was fixated on the little girl

I approached them and said do you see that man and the little girl?Ā Ā something seems off.
I explained to them about the distress hand signal
Taught to the children in schools in case they were ever abducted we’re in a situation they felt they could not speak and we’re not safe.

The young adult female unfazed said well he’s part of our church. Not They (the little girl) but He’s
I said something’s off. I hope I’m wrong
but there’s something wrong with this picture.
The the young adult woman offered no explanation or seemed concerned for the little girl’s safety .

The young adult man said nothing looked away avoiding eye contact
TheĀ three boys kept their heads
forward eyes downward
The park was empty
There was not a group of church people around
the park, it was this couple, the three boys and the man with a girl. All white.
I am not one who looks at color
however the police need
A full accurate description

I turned to the man standing there
waiting for the little girl and said
What church are you with?
He replied, LDS
I looked right in his eyes and said
that girl is in distress. There’s something wrong.. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t express concern.
. His mannerism was rigid.
My heart already pounding.

I wasn’t sure what to do.
I told him somethingā€˜s feels wrong
I offered him an opening to ease my suspicion
If everything was fine,
A normal response would’ve been
Him yelling, telling me off or
to mind my own business or
To reassure me, everything is fine Or
At least to ask me why I feel this way

Silence was not the correct response for the situation that I was escalating. I wasn’t yelling.
My voice was excited and loud I was shaking
This is where I made a mistake that could have caused those children their lives
I told him I’m going to make the call still nothing
I walked away and I was on the phone with 911

Looking right at the man
describing his features To 911 dispatch
I should not have alerted them that I was calling the police that gave them ample time
to Leave To get away

My husband said they would not do anything in broad daylight too much exposure

When the police got there, of course they were gone. That little girlā€˜s face etched in my memory
silent rage behind her fearful eyes.I failed her.
The police asked was the dad abusing the girl
He did not say he was the father. I told the police.
I didn’t witnessed any physical abuse.
Then what made you think something was wrong?

The little girl was doing that hand gesture they teach the children in school if they’re abducted or something’s not right oh, he said.
as if not fully impressed. I said I’ve been coming to this park for over 20 years. I have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I know when somethingā€˜s off and there was something off with that little girl.

We were finishing our walk as the Police Man investigated minutes only the whole situation plays over in my mind..Ā Ā had I been more inquisitive to see what car they drove.
LDS little girls don’t dress like that
especially on Sunday.

I wonder
What was behind that Blue square tarp enclosures. Who was the person that pulled her in?

There’s a group of people who said on the bench passing out flyers for their church the watchtower. I told them about what I observed, and one of the ladies was quick to say just because that man said he was LDS doesn’t mean he really was and she started to tell me everything wrong with that picture. Another man at the market walking me to my car stated he saw a man dress like that. It’s one of the scams they use their dress like a business person saying they’re out of gas. They left their wallet at home whatever the story is very but they’re dressed like business men so they don’t appear homeless and are more likely to get what they want or to be seen blending in. The store clerk said stay away from those guys they’re evil.

This is a cautionary tale. We need to be observant to our surroundings children’s lives are at stake.
The children in the school district are taught survival should you get lost in the wilderness in May? They go for a week at West camp. They’re taught how they could survive with a pine tree eating the bark drinking pine tea noodles where is north south east and west and what to look for when lost Basic survival. They are also taught in the event. They are abducted. You put your hand behind your back put your thumb towards your palm and you move your finger in and out when you can’t use your words this movement behind your back can alert people walking by that you’re not safe. There’s actually a corridor that starts in Sacramento works its way up towards our area trafficā€˜s the children in our small community and using our hotels and taking them up to Reno in Vegas never to be seen again. It’s called the look twice program. Only one time had I experienced this in our Market. Looked about 13 or 14 year-old Dressed in a **** Catholic school outfit thigh, high socks, really short skirt and a white button up blouse. But what really gave it away was the wig she was wearing it looked like the wig of a middle-aged woman. And having children and grandchildren, her attire would never be permitted in school. She was standing by the ice cream. I went up to her and asked her if she was OK and I was gonna get some ice cream for my grandchildren and what kind would be a good kind before she could say a word this man came and grabbed her and pulled her forcibly down the aisle. By the time I got up to the front desk, there were six other concerned parents, the police were called. The child was saved, and the man was put in jail the look twice program,
That was years ago. I certainly have never come across something with children so young I am one that minds my own business but when it comes to children, I’m a grandma the whole thing just gives a sick pit in my stomach, wondering where those children are tonight.
I love burnt marshmallows and my favorite color’s green.
I’ll say I’m very open, but my favorite game’s hide and seek.
I’m kind of bad with money-
ya know, I can always make more.
I’ll distract you with jokes if we dive
too deep into my lore.

I’ll remember your birthday, stress for months on the perfect gift.
I’ll be properly obsessed with you until
I feel the shift.
I am such a lover girl until the
loving feels too real-
giving someone the power to hurt me is a soul-crushing, humongous deal.

I will fight against it-
there’s no love without the risk.
But it will be a struggle, and no one deserves my ******* fits.
One day, someone will want them, raincoat and boots in tow:
ā€œWhat’s a little rain in the grand scheme,
when at the end I get to love you though?ā€
I am scared to drown you and I don’t want to sink, but someday, one day, I’ll meet someone who jumps right in and doesn’t blink
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