I had a father once
one who committed one too many sins
so I don’t know why it surprised me so
when there was finally one I could not forgive

was this not his legacy all along?
irresponsibility and negligence and abuse
and never knowing right from wrong

I am a victim of my fathers demons
my mother even more so
his fists and his ire and his indifference
pummeled us and refused to let us grow

why was I so surprised
after a life time of deviancy and ire
that my father would be the same creature he is
bathing everyone else in his fire

Candy cane dust
on the rim of my cup.
Burning sweetness
a burst of holiday.
When I finish
and lick the rim clean,
back home, where
no decorations hang,
no tree stands tall,
no family awaits my return.
My only present,
the candy cane dust
left on my tongue

Can soft and quiet
Sing loud and strong
Can self possessed
Burn hot lifelong

Can serious hearts
Giggle delight
Can gentle spirits
Fight for right

Can loving souls
Know good anger
Can wind-filled sails
Stow good anchor

They not only can
But will again
I've seen it within
The clan Del Ben

"Are we there yet Mommy?" asked the little child

"Not yet my love. But soon enough you'll see"

"Daddy, are we there yet?" the child asked again

"No. But when we are you'll know it. Trust me"

"It'll be a while yet before we are there
But I'll tell you a secret of which I am aware.
If you pay close attention, sometimes you'll spot
A little bit of home that someone had forgot."

"It happens when two hearts come together
And true love finds a lasting home
Where peace and joy are birds of a feather
Built upon faith's cornerstone."

"It's where life flourishes and children grow
It's where laughter and love so freely flow.
But this is just a taste of what is yet do come:
It is far beyond your wildest dreams and then some."

"One day we will go before you
And leave you for a little while
But later you will join us again
And we'll welcome you with a smile."

"So, you see, for now, home is where we are.
As long as we're a family, Heaven isn't far."

When I was a child light shone
angels through my fingers
crowning my parents’ faces,
blessing the simple tasks of theirs:
table setting, pouring water—
how it lit the world in my upturned smile
and flowed through as I grew
and how it followed me home
and stayed, even in the dark.

Light was the water, earth,
reflecting off every animal,
every street, everything I touched—
the light always ahead,
the darkness, just softly behind
—doubts, questions, thoughts—
light, enlightening the dark words
of my mind and mouth.

And when the darkness caught up,  
and I watched my parents fall behind,
my body/smile down-turn to groan
and my thoughts and words
turn to memories— I realized how
the past was always near and how
grief turned everything to light.

When the holidays begin,
we all can be together
with our families and friends,
we´ll see You in the new year.

- Tarmo Selter -
2024