Sunlight beams down on us,
as we stand side by side,
wearing matching outfits,
laughing.
Sure siblings are supposed to hate each other,
but, in that moment,
we were more than just siblings.
We were two hearts,
soaring high in the sky,
ready to face the world,
together.

Lift that chin, Rosa.
Lift those eyes up high.
Say to the sun, you're welcome.
Lift your face to the sky.

Lift that chin, Rosa.
Spread your arms open wide.
Tell the wind that you're ready.
And just see if you don't fly!

note:
I wrote this about a decade ago and things are very different now.  This was published, but I had to write this note prior to the poem:

______

I’m a divorced parent that is currently having hardships in seeing my children. Because I see them so seldom, I frequently reminisce about them and although it’s sweet remembering them, it hurts my soul as I’m very close to them. This is my representation of the pain that comes with their faces as reminisce. If you’ve ever missed your children, I guarantee you will relate.

SEE YOU IN FIVE

It’s another sleepless night and I reminisce. The window to misery starts to creak open, slowly widening… the window promises my disintegration with torturous flashes of their faces… flashes that lash at me from the past.

A slave to my own mind, the slash comes, far reaching spiked tentacles smash against my back as I see their faces. I am a slave. I must obey. Make another mark upon my back, front and do as you will. I am your slave and I obey.  There is nothing I can do except to die as I disintegrate into their essence. The window wider yet, my tormentor at his full glory stands in front and I obey. I am a slave to my mind and I obey.

Who is it today? It’s my Son and I am a slave to his love. I miss you soo much Mijo. Hit me your hardest! Take that strap as I am yours. Take it both hands, it’s easy….I’ll show you Mijo. Yes, there…that’s how you whip daddy.  I am your slave and I want the sweet torture. You’re good!
Yes! I remember that day at the park…I held you in my arms… you were so small, bright blues radiating with your love. Oh!! That was a good whip! It grounded me…there, I’m dissolving into you. I am your slave. Yes I’ll always give you my best smile! Keep at it… I’m disintegrating now…that’s my boy! Soo strong with your love! You smiled at me that day in the park and it was the best present any Dad could have. Yes, it’s bleeding but it’s nothing. No.  It doesn’t hurt. I wanna see your face again. Please, torture me with your whip. Use all your might! Swing that arm back…swing hard! Thank you. I’ll always be here ready to be your slave…you own me even if I may have nothing but misery, I am yours to do as you wish.

Every night I am your slave and I’ll be here ready for that arm! Thank you for visiting. Of course I love you too! Say hi to Mom and Maddie. See you tomorrow…..wait… I’ll be up the next 4 days, so I’ll see you in five…

Remember you
I was Simon, an architect trying to find precious artifacts.
I found the crown,
The cause of all my frost,
The thing I thought would save me,
But it changed me.

Just as I was giving up hope, I found you,
The most precious artifact of them all.
My Marceline.
A little vampire girl,
Lost in her own ways,
In a world too unforgiving to let you in.

You were the only thing that made the days bearable.
I held onto you when everything else fell apart.
You were the reason I kept going.

But now I’m the Ice King, lost and scarred.
I try not to lose myself because I need to save you.
But who’s going to save me?

I found you in the wreckage of a war,
Just a scared little girl, lost and alone.
I was just a guy,
Scared and searching for my home.

Remember you.
We faked our laughter to ward off the fear.
Just the two of us, plus dear old Hambo who was always there,
Always together, a patchwork family of
Not one,
Not two,
But three.
Inseparable and together, side by side,
With broken smiles and hearts we tried to hide.

Like two pieces of a puzzle, we fought together
To stay alive.
But before I knew it, I had to leave.
You were gone from my life.

I see you as my daughter,
My sweet girl who saved me
More than I ever saved her.

The father you should’ve had, I couldn’t find.
We lived this ruin of a world together,
Until I could no longer ward off the evil that came with the cold.
Now the ice has frozen everything,
And I forget the man I was, the love I once brought.

Remember you.
Even through all the things I’ve forgotten,
For every moment that fades away,
Know that until I come back again,
My life will always be cold and sad.
I just wish it wasn’t like this.

I miss you, my Marcy girl.
Please forgive me
For whatever I do
When I don’t remember you.

I follow behind you
Bouncing as you go
So full of joy
I can't help but think
What will you become?

Golden hair flows behind
Tossed by the wind
Will it stay gold?
Or fade with age
Darken before my eyes

Less than knee height
A tripping hazard
Bruised knees
***** feet
Will you always be clumsy?  

Slurred speech
Words unfamiliar
Say what you think
Repeat what you hear
Will you truly speak?

A high pitched whine
Emotions uncontrolled
Chaos inside
But nothing is wrong
Will you have reasons to cry?

You wear a sparkly dress
Butterfly sandals
Marker stains
Claim to be a princess
Will you always love beauty?

Scribbles on paper
And tables and skin
Painting your arms
Driveways full of chalk
Will the world be your canvas?

I want time to stop
Still it flows on
Glimpses of the future
Even as she runs
Will I be there to see it?

Magazines strewn amongst,                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­            
mis-matched coffee cups,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                  
white rings on the tabletops,                                                       ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
We are just getting
up                                                               ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                  
You yawn & look at me,                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­                making your way, groggily,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
rub your eyes sleepily                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                                       
  as we exchange, ''good
  morning ''                                                               ­         
                                                                ­                                                
Hair sticking up in the air,                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                              
neither one really cares                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                           
 Noisily pulling out a
  chair,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
both of us, with feet
bare                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                
Coffee smells
permeate,                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
as it drips &
percolates,                                                      ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­             
begging us to take a
taste                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                               
  Aren't Sunday mornings great?

I won't be here to hear them reminisce
On the way he would purse his lips,
Or ask for a sucker and a grandson's kiss.

                   we dropped them off at school
                    gave them treats and broke the rules
                    we were cheering, clapping, beaming
                    we're with you when you're young
                    we helped teach you right from wrong

They'll laugh at my raisins,
And frozen cheesesticks,
The fruity yogurt,
My silly magic tricks.
They'll talk for years about our Sunday morns,
The BLTC's ... and... little storms... and
Then they'll mourn.

                        we picked you up on rainy days,
                          you'd have sleep-overs and movie galas,
                          we took you to concerts, plays and games,
                          to swimming pools on sun splashed days,
                          and gladly do it next year again

One would shyly ask for a cookie,
A digestive or an Oreo,
One would ask for licorice,
Or a fugesickle with a spoon and dish.
And one, a grandson or daughter,
Would meekly ask for a straw and water.

                            you see us whisper with Mom & Dad,
                             and wonder if it's good or bad,
                             but we confirmed sizes and bikes
                             and arrangements for an overnight

In days to come you'll reminisce
On all the things we'll surely miss.

It never occurred to me
When I realized that half is quite the difference
your hair was curly and mine straight

It never occurred to me
When you never called
Or when you barely came home to visit
When the gifts you gave
Told me you didn't know much about me
And weren't particularly interested in trying to

(But I kept them anyway,
Because maybe you did care)

It never occurred to me
When I started to forget
How you appeared in my life
Or when I kept your picture up on my bedside
For months after the fact

It never occurred to me
When I realized I never felt quite close enough
When I heard my name was still in your mouth
Despite not talking for years

But when I was in my comm class
And my professor said
Identities exist in relation with one another
It finally hit me.
I am not a sister,
Because I do not have one.

I was five hours through my trip of eight
When I saw through bug guts light tearing cloud
I was thinking about clips sent my way
Of her play with the offspring of her own

Laughing without regard for somber weight
Which hung on us like a funeral shroud
Her spirit was ready were it the day
She was prepared if then she would have flown

But how it closed with a coffin lid’s freight
What tears under such sorrow we allowed
In front of his daughter dying he lay
Soon enough I’d have his pictures alone

In the light I saw insects smashed to death
“Three hours left” I said under my breath