Used to play hide and seek
With emotions
That made me "weak"

They counted
Only to ten
Not much time to hide
So they always caught up
And found me
In the bathtub

Over time
They knew all spots
I used for hiding
They always find me

They make no noise
Walk on their tippy toes
Silent shadows
In endless rows

I don't want to play
But for them
Even when it's over
The game never ends

I’m sitting on a bench at this empty railway platform,
gazing at the train ticket in my hands — again and again.
The years of longing will vanish in a few hours.
I’m finally meeting him…
after so long.
Flashes of our last goodbye play in my mind:
The promises we made,
The sacrifices for our careers,
The calls that stretched across time zones and tear-filled nights.
Now, everything is flooding back —
Nostalgia tugging at my heart,
Memories turning into butterflies in my chest.

When I look in the mirror,
I don’t see what they see.
They say I’m cute,
beautiful,
good looking
but none of that ever felt like me.

I wasn’t like this before.
As a kid, I never questioned my reflection,
never measured my worth
by the shape of my face
or the size of my waist.
But somewhere along the way,
the world made me doubt.

The older I get,
the more I shrink into shadows
of what I think I should be.
Pretty, but not enough.
Desired, but only if I fit
some picture perfect fantasy
they scroll past
and save to their dreams.

They say looks don’t matter,
but their eyes speak first
long before their mouths ever do.
And I’m tired.
Tired of pretending I don’t notice.
Tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt.

My brother’s voice still echoes
She’s not worth the wait.
When I look in the mirror,
I don’t see what they see.
They say I’m cute,
beautiful,
good looking
but none of that ever felt like me.

I wasn’t like this before.
As a kid, I never questioned my reflection,
never measured my worth
by the shape of my face
or the size of my waist.
But somewhere along the way,
the world made me doubt.

The older I get,
the more I shrink into shadows
of what I think I should be.
Pretty but not enough.
Desired but only if I fit
some picture perfect fantasy
they scroll past
and save to their dreams.

They say looks don’t matter,
but their eyes speak first
long before their mouths ever do.
And I’m tired.
Tired of pretending I don’t notice.
Tired of pretending it doesn’t hurt.

My brother’s voice still echoes
She’s not worth the wait.
Ugly.
Words not meant for me to hear,
but now I carry them
like a bruise beneath my skin.
Even makeup can’t cover that.

I straighten my hair,
dress like I’m trying to matter,
smile like I’m confident.
But inside I still feel unseen.
Still feel less.

My ex warned me:
If you gain more weight, I’ll leave.
As if love had a number,
as if my worth was on a scale.
He gained weight too,
but I guess his mirror
was more forgiving than mine.

He’s gone.
But the damage stayed.

Now, when old crushes reach out,
I disappear.
I’m busy.
I’m out of town.
But really,
I’m just hiding
waiting for a version of me
that feels lovable enough
to show up.

I tell myself:
One day, when I fix my body,
when I become beautiful,
then maybe
I’ll let someone see me again.
Maybe
I’ll finally see me too.
Ugly.
Words not meant for me to hear,
but now I carry them
like a bruise beneath my skin.
Even makeup can’t cover that.

I straighten my hair,
dress like I’m trying to matter,
smile like I’m confident.
But inside I still feel unseen.
Still feel less.

My ex warned me:
If you gain more weight, I’ll leave.
As if love had a number,
as if my worth was on a scale.
He gained weight too,
but I guess his mirror
was more forgiving than mine.

He’s gone.
But the damage stayed.

Now, when old crushes reach out,
I disappear.
I’m busy.
I’m out of town.
But really,
I’m just hiding
waiting for a version of me
that feels lovable enough
to show up.

I tell myself
One day, when I fix my body,
when I become beautiful,
then maybe
I’ll let someone see me again.
Maybe
I’ll finally see me too.

There’s a freak in her brain taking over again.
Dormant she waited, tortured then baited…
Emotional break…
“Once, Love? for memories’ sake?”
Yet, once is not enough.
Starved, she begs.
She’s rough. She’s plagued.
Demanding nightly, never lightly—
impassioned penance, love’s disease,
maintaining as fresh though long deceased
those mutual sins, two decades past…
Would you put her heart to rest?
Alas! her need is too deep, too vast
while you’ve no care left to soften her nest
Mourning, consumed, she resumes
downcast.

I don't
feel anything
at all,
but I feel
it all
at once.
The brokenness,
the misery,
the weariness,
and the shame
are like
being
drenched in silt,
caked in filth,
covered with
life's crud.
I reek
of the living river—
its currents
have carried me
into a sea
of everything.
Now,
I find myself
adrift
in an ocean
of everything
and nothing.

I fear to say
The truth of the matter
I kept myself closed
For quite some time
The fear of losing
I've kept my door open before
The room my heart lies within
Open for people to view
Easy access to
Grab
Hold
Cherish
Well once twas a possibility
After watching several
Yes several
People play carelessly with it
My heart can only take so much
Well I have spare keys that
I may pass out but
I am very weary of you
Will you accept the key
Will you try to run with it
My heart is hard to track
It takes me so long to locate it
But I'm willing to try again
Here you go
Here's the key
The room is a little messy
No one has been here
Except me
If I clean it
I might just be giving you
An easy route to steal
Or if we clean it will you
Protect it
Or
Am I going to just be searching again
Well
Here we are
You have the key
The door appears
So how about you
Come right in

I stand on one side of a line carved by time and you… you remain at the other.

Two souls destined to collide,but sentenced to drift apart.

You left the introduction of a human being just as an introduction….but I am reating a wound that was never supposed to exist, a wound not caused by words, but by absence.

Do you know?

Just because I haven’t healed from the past, I’m missing so much of the present.

I smile with my lips,but I bleed with my silence.

Do you know?

For a line that doesn’t exist in my palm,this very hand has written countless poetries….each one a failed attempt to erase you, but only engraving you deeper.

Do you know???

I am trapped between a forgotten boonfrom some distant past life and the curse of being forbidden from touching that gift in this one.

It’s like the universe gifted me heaven and then locked the door before I could enter.

Now the world keeps questioning me

Did those memories even exist?

But how could they know?

How can I tell them?

Your memories flow through the blood in my veins

Each heartbeat echoing the syllables of your name.

Your voice has become the rhythm of my existence.

Your picture….it will be the last thing my eyes will see before they close forever.

Your breath….it will dissolve into the air with the last breath I release.

No one knows…

You are the god in the temple I built inside my shattered heart.

You are the silent prayer behind every tear I hide.

You are the reason I survive days I don’t want to wake up to.

You are the soul moving this lifeless body.

If there’s any destination that could drag me away from you, it’s nothing but a six-foot grave.

But still…..I am trapped between two brutal truths

One pulling me toward the end of this life and the other is your memories that were promising to haunt me even beyond death.

I’m living a life between surviving and surrendering between forgetting you and becoming you.

I’ve decided

I will become you

Not as a choice, but as a consequence of love that refused to fade.

Because loving you wasn’t just a chapter of my life,it was the entire story.

If there’s no space left for me in this world as me, then let me dissolve into you.

If life won’t let me stand beside you..

I will rise as you.

My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it's this way.

It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.

I can't finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.

I'm under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.

Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn't be more wrong.

The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.

I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.

From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it's gonna be, I can never tell.

Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don't know what to do.

It comes with no known trigger.
It's not going away; it's only getting bigger.

Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.

I want to cry, but I don't know what for.
I hate this disease; I don't want it anymore.

I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.

Will these feelings only last for today?
'Cause it feels like they will never go away.

In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.

I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.

I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.

How could they when even I don't?
How could they when they simply won't?

This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,

Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.

Some days I'm just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.

But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.

Well at least to others
Is what I mutter

Things aren't usually this bad,
But you won't know which I have had

'Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.

I can't keep that clear thought in my head.
I'm done with this crap; I am going to bed