grown, Rolando's fissure
soaks words.
Most days he lies domant.

unannounced, sulcus scatter
secret codes.
day-to-day his labour unpleasant.

crafty is a snake
wise is a sage

winter holidays and you become snow
between glaciers and silver towers
among apes, wizards and goons
you become snow in the winter

as you turn into what you dread
as you turn into this being
a viking, werewolf, you name it
may the games begin, you may die

beneath the surface of your dreams
beneath red heavens and families
in times of hunger, you stay focussed
you become snow in the winter

as you turn into another, an: other
snow is flooding the news flash
sinners, brothers and sisters
burning sandstorms, playful twisters

elijah's path is covered with thorns
roses **** the innocent and they cry
wild roses turn into winter snow
raise your head, watchin' them grow

clocks, the same time, worldwide
remember the oaths of the old ones
remember them praying in the snow

...and turn into this being

From heaven, fire Elijah called.
At Jezebel's word, fled he, terrified.
From duty, by heavenly chariot, removed.
On mountain top, with Moses, appeared.
Elijah, not the greatest prophet.
Nor Elisha, even doubly anointed.
But John, the greatest born of woman;
No fire nor bears, doubted and beheaded.

Springtime – a few days early
we go to the battlefield and dodge snakes
whitewashed bones by the creek, stop to listen
to the sound of a waterfall – or the rush
of blue and brown beneath the trees.
Hug the riverbanks. Birds are coming back –
goodbye juncos. You say you think
you saw an indigo bunting in California.
Most brilliant blue – but I don’t think
they go that far. Soon we’ll only talk
on the phone, or see each other
twice a year. This morning I brought home pictures
spread them out on my bedroom floor,
and we sat and talked. You said
“this is what happiness looks like. Right here.”
One tremendous year – there’s faces
I would cut out of certain pictures.
But it doesn’t matter now – 26 photos
and all of them look like love. I felt warm all day.
Maybe it’s the air. Or the sun, seeping back
under my skin. Or maybe it’s just the changes –
who we’ve both become. I like us better now.
I want to take it all in slow, like the last breath of air
before I duck under. If I swim long enough
it could be like this again, one day.

the night i
first
found out he
might
be sick it rained.
i ate manhattan's favorite
rice-a-roni
and tried so
hard
to feel something
to be fair i was very
upset
but i didn't feel it.
all i got was a
headache from
forced
tears and a
sleepless
night.

three months earlier
near the time of my
birthday
i was having a terrible day
per usual,
when i received a birthday card
in the mail.
it was from my sister and on the
bottom of the card it said
from:
then their names followed
but in the biggest
font, right underneath the rest of their names
was his,
'Elijah,'
written by his own hand.
I
smiled
at the thought of him
smiling
while writing that.

I'm in love with you.
In every way I thought I'd ever love someone
And in every way I never thought I ever could.

You brought a light into everything I hated,
And showed me that the darkness behind my eyes didn't scare you.

I didn't try to wipe you clean and make you perfect,
And you didn't try to do that to me either.
Thank you for that.
Thank you for loving me.

We created a new light between the both of us.
A life we talked about but never imagined would come so soon.

Everything will never be like the past again,
This is our first steps as people we've never been before...

And it's so **** scary,
And I've never been happier.

When Elijah comes again,
We'll all turn the page of sin,
He is not the Lord,
But a voice of awe,
Heaven above, earth below,
Fire within, ever to glow,
Divine life and love on Planet Earth,
One vision and one dream,
Amity and no more bigotry,
One global fellow humanity,
Ceasing hostilities, such sin,
When Elijah comes again.

The lack isn't enough
The absence of another set of hands is proving to be tough
No ones asked me how I'm doing for quite awhile
I remember your bed
I remember how much we didn't care about each other's pasts or the lingering of our own deadly thoughts
If you are the golf course and I am the rain then I'd like to go back to that night and remember how it felt to be completely ****** up and utterly insane
But I'm tired
No
I'm exhausted
A year ago I was not alone
I had dug a hole in a boys heart and filled it with suicidal thoughts and unanswered questions, both his and my own, and destroyed myself while calling it "love"
I think I was hiding
Using him as a mask
Because I was terrified and needed someone to provide me with a flask and cigarette addiction
The past is the past
But the past is all I have
The present is proving to be boring and the futures a *****
I guess I'll just be alone for now
Get dragged by the snow drifts and mesmorized by the wind
Stand out in the freezing snow and think about how I never feel warm anymore
Cause when I'm alone I'm cold to the core
Bored