Every year ends in darkness and starts in darkness.
Why does that seem like a revelation?

My kidneys are failing me
But I have failed them too
I tried to **** myself
Yes I'm starting on a taboo.

But I do have to admit
One very sad little fact.
I never wanted to end my life
It all was just one sick act.

I know, it's low.
But don't cheer up just yet.
If I did it for a lack of attention
that you didn't give, and I didn't get.

Then what does that make of you?
Do you feel any better?
I still managed to harm my health,
Not dying doesn't end my letter.

I need love and acception
So I happen to just ask it wrong.
People make mistakes,
And I've made them so long.

I at least care to come clean,
I have the feeling, I'm never seen.
I speak the truth when I say,
I've never chosen the wrong way.

I just needed you
And you needed me too
I'm not there, but neither are you
It's not fair, but we're not seeing through.

We're both wrong
And no ones right.
And now you're gone
And I gave up the fight.

Move the magnet from your compass
when you want to know the way.
Slay the snake inside your stomach,
it hunts truth, its only prey.

Throw a stone at self-deception
though the mirrors in your hall.
Can you feel it, breathing slowly?
None but pride before the fall.

It is 11:11 a.m on my time clock
Memories left on my brain lock
If I could emprison you with a iron lock
It might not be a shock, I put an end to my breathe - No
For this love I birth for you is like a rock

Gushing tears,
Hands pressed on my mouth so not even the devil can't hear me, so he can't laugh at me,
Neither the strength to say, "God help me!"

My heart is just on a death - knock!!!

What you think is nothing
And what you thought you think is nothing
It was just a coincidence infatuated fronting
Youthful Glaring
In shades and flimsy
Photograph clumsy
I gave you something
but it was nothing
Let us sit down and sort it
cos I know you will forever love me
but ‘twas nothing
For all is long thing
For you hurt me
doesn’t mean you don’t want me,
but you don’t know you love me
Cos I hunt you.
Don’t be deceived on something that don’t fit you
I pity you
You ugly and you want him
So keep searching on something that is nothing
Well’ there is something I want to tell you,
Uhmn, don’t bother, it nothing
But stop thinking like you are dreaming

A tickle on the earlobe
Subtle enough to be inconspicuous
Draws the attention of
Subconscious being.
Whisper with the essence of
Sweetness enchants the prey
To surrender its leash.
A tactician of great wisdom
Does not fail to miss the chance
To behold his reign on a pawn,
A sacrificial entity drawn out
Of its freedom in
Hopes to resurrect
As a queen.
Its demise, nonetheless,
Is that of a tragic hero.

i. you were a soccer player
we met online and talked for hours
you played video games like i did
you had the brightest smile
you were handsome to me

but you had excuses for not being ready
you were left incomplete by someone before me
you distanced yourself, afraid of making mistakes
then you went and made one
thats when you left me.


ii. a random guy picking up a random girl
we didnt get along at first but soon we were always talking
that one day we were sitting in the field
i couldn't stop staring at you and smiling
you asked me out and my heart fluttered

but we were not right together
you didnt filter what you to said to other girls
you went to prison for a month
your friends verbally attacked me over what you did
you cheated and i no longer could excuse you anymore, i left.

iii. you helped me while my heart was broken
you spoiled me rotten and made me smile
you helped me make friends
you were a good christian boy
i felt so safe with you

but one day that stopped
physically and emotionally left hurting
you made me close up inside
making tinder profiles and flirting with girls on there
you lied to the world about me and made me the villian

iv. you are the last one i'd ever think would hurt me
no the heartbreak didn't come from us dating
no this one came afterwards when we stayed friends
you were my rock and my friend
you were there for years

but then i saw the real you
you assumed one day my twitter post was about you and it wasn't
you admitted to stealing something of my dead grandma's
you carved into my wall, cussing at me
now i am stuck unable to trust because of you

how do i describe the feeling of that january morning? the serenity of the cool air nipping at my skin, while the chilled lake water rocked the wooden dock beneath me. i took the peaceful walk from the house to the lake barefoot. the coolness emanating from the cobblestone seeped into the soles of my feet.
      i walked down the winding pathway and allowed my eyes to scan over the greenery that flanked me on both sides. tulips and lavender flowers blooming in the cold air. mulch filled the area around grass and flowers, keeping them protected and safe. bees kissed flowers and mingled as i strolled passed. how beautiful and tranquil a scene i was honored to witness.
      i dragged ironically eager feet over wobbly brown planks on route to the dock ahead. i felt water sway aggressively beneath my feet as a boat raced past the dock. a glimpse of a small hand waving graced my vision with the passing of the boat. my balance fumbled, but my mentality stayed steady. when i finally lowered myself onto the wooden box on the edge of the dock, the warmth of my coffee finally began to soak into my palms.
      my eyes continued to glaze over the scene before me, and for the next few moments, i felt the serenity of the universe consume my entire begin. after sixteen years, a moment of fulfillment. finally at home.
      the sun sent droplets of his sunlight down to caress the lake and offer her the gentlest of kisses. the droplets glistened off of the lake´s ripples and flirted with the water. they danced and bounced upon the lake until she shone so brightly it was hard to look directly at her. as the two became familiar, i felt the sun retreat. his light slowly faded away and his kisses disappeared all together.
      as the hours passed and he was seated back upon his throne, the lake was left empty, deserted. her sadness did not go unnoticed, the wind understood her pain, so she picked up and pulled us both out of our trance.
      the lake was offered the kinder kiss of the moon, and she accepted. the fainter light and the lighter kisses became what kept her whole. there was a air of mystery surrounding him and the lake soaked it up. he became her new lifesource, she found something that kept her going.
      me, i received my sustinance from writing this poem.