Unlit Hours

Late nights—
they’re the worst for me,
bringing out the worst in me.
Mind racing,
like it hurts to think.
Not a moment of peace—
fighting myself just for a second.

Fighting peace like—
there is no hope.

I wish I could help,
but it’s hard—
when I hate myself.
Can’t stand who I am.
Lately,
the only relief I find
is in causing—

more pain,
more defeat.

These late nights,
they make me feel
like I’m not worth it.
When I get love,
I throw it away—
feeling undeserving.

Cold, alone, I shiver
at the thought
that night is coming.
It knows how to find me.

Dark thoughts consume me—
every night.

I don’t want to die,
I just want relief.
But I can’t have it.

I’m a broken record—
but I let it play.
I’m used to this feeling.
Is this what I was meant to be?
How I was meant to feel?

Every morning, it’s me—
looking through the glass,
waking up in this body—
wanting to throw it away.
I sell myself lies
that things are getting better...

and I still buy them.
But they’re running out of stock.

Knee-deep
in the darkness that I made—
of my own actions.
The night controls me,
makes me feel worthless,
hopeless—
I hate myself.

Like there’s no daylight in sight.

Great luck, I must have
For your gallery came in view.
There laid a similar face
That at dawn, my mirror drew.

I looked at every nook and cranny,
Even zoomed in the pitted dust.
By hook or crook, as they say
With every measure I must.

I saw no pictures there,
No proof of your presence at all.
Only your name echoed
In antique cups and dusty hall.

Yet I knew it was yours,
My devotion wasn't merely a cue.
Here I gloss at just your name
In this Gallery made for You

Drip
Drip.
No water needed.
You cry in colour now.
Grief mixed with pigment—your palette was pain.

Dear anxiety,

i know you still cling to me
like clockwork, you never fail
to show up,
control my every move,
like a puppet and its master—

pulling the strings

making me look at my life
through a mirror,
yet I'm forever scared—

to lose you—
old friend.

i walk around in a haze,
but you're there to comfort me,
a static noise i can't turn off

old friend—

i can't sleep without you
sleeping beside me,
sending shivers down my spine,

i feel you touching me,
with your cold breath.

i shiver - I'm scared—
of what you do to me.


but i let you stay.

you influence my speech,
put words in my mouth—
that i didn't want to say.

make me stutter,
’cause i can feel you

clawing at the door—

to let you in
when everything seems calm

i always let you back in

i ask you to leave,
but you make me stutter—

You poison me—

and i end up
begging you to stay

you know you're my weakness.

you may burn everything to the ground,
everything i have—
but i can't get rid of you—

i always hear you calling my name
answer it in a heartbeat, old friend—

you understand me and comfort me,
I'm addicted to the feeling of drowning,
with tears running down my face
I'm addicted to the ghost inside of me—

i hate you
but i still let you in

i regret it.

i stopped feeling
and started accepting—
that you're always here,
you're part of me.

It rained today,
The first rain in forever.
It smelled nice;
A great wet sigh of relief

I didn't miss it until today-
When the raw thunder rolled over my back
And down my pinkened cheeks
When the crisp grass softened
And mists poured thickly through the rippling trees
That pulls over the sky like white sheets
Tucking us in to the earth; soft and small and damp and sweet

But maybe tonight, the pattering tap
Will pull me so softly
To sleep