Dear celebrity crush,
I wish that I could clone you
so I could have my own you,
my creepy devotion
would fill up an ocean

You died in 2023 and your dad died in 1977.
After living for 54 years, you went to Heaven.
You have lost your life and that is very sad.
Now you have been reunited with your dad.
You did charity work just like your father did.
Your dad loved you and you were his only kid.
As your fans grieve, they're sad and depressed.
Your life ended after you went into cardiac arrest.
When CPR was performed, your heart was restarted.
But you still died and your fans are broken-hearted.
You died a few weeks before you would've turned 55.
Your fans are devastated because you didn't survive.

In 1977, you starred in an episode of Doctor Who.
If you hadn't died, today you would've turned 82.
You starred in an episode of "Enemy At The Door".
You were a very talented actor but not anymore.
In 1989, you starred in "The Woman In Black".
Sadly, you died and you won't be coming back.
You starred in five episodes of "Coronation Street".
You starred in three hundred and fifty-five episodes of "Heartbeat".
In 1962, you starred in "Top Secret" and "Mystery Submarine".
Today would've been your birthday if you hadn't died in 2019.

Celebrities are modern day deities, addicted to worship by their legions of devotees,

Theyre merely human beings, no different than you or me, narcissism is a nasty disease.

At risk of sounding heartless,
I say **** your favorite artist.

You can say you think they've changed,
Or you can say they're still the same,
But if it's clear that they campaign
Against my rights and freedoms,
And you won't disagree with them,

I'm willing to admit,
I do not give a ****.

I love the way the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences let Will Smith sit there, for 40 minutes, preening in the front row, in plain sight, after he assaulted a black man at the Oscars.

I know what you're thinking - wait, isn’t Will Smith black? Well, obviously NOT. In an America where black men are routinely murdered for selling cigarettes or having a broken taillight, Mr. Smith got to commit his crime in front of millions of people. Then sit around like a three-piece suited sultan for over a ½ hour to receive an Oscar and a (reflexive?) standing ovation.

Will, in an effort to make his violence palatable said, in his tearful acceptance speech, that he was protecting his wife. Chris Rock made a joke about her hairdo. Was she actually in some kind of unseen danger? Perhaps this is some kind of new, Muslim “honor” slapping?

The very function of comedian hosts and presenters at the Oscars is to take-the-**** out of these overpaid actor-celebrities. If you multi-millionaires can’t take a joke, stay home or wear a **** wig.

I’m curious, we know Jada and Will have an “open” marriage - because they have said as much. Does that mean, in “Smith” logic, Chris could have *** with Jada but not comment on her looks?

How far does Will’s privilege extend - could he have *****-slapped Betty White (she was pretty salty sometimes) - for instance? I mean, Chris Rock is half Will Smith’s size. Do you think he would have launched up at Dwayne Johnson, Idris Elba or Jason Momoa? I doubt it, even if Will did get to pretend, he was Mohamid Ali for a while.

Chris Rock is a trooper, he took the hit and carried on like a professional. He’s going to be ok. Chris is in the middle of a national comedy tour, and it completely sold out the night of the assault. Even with ticket prices jumping from $49 to $340 per seat. I can’t wait to hear his new bit. I’m fairly sure every comedian in the world will now make a point of making vicious fun of Will - who’s made himself a punchline.

Will Smith will now start an apology tour. “It was a momentary lapse,” he’ll say - like every guy who ever slapped his wife or punched-down on someone weaker than themselves. From now on, whenever Jada’s invited anywhere, she’ll be asked if her husband is coming too and if he can be counted on to behave himself.

Chris Rock generously declined to press charges, but the LAPD doesn't need him to charge Will with assault. I know he’d only get a slap on the wrist, but someone should hold him accountable.

I was a Will Smith fan once.

I saw Sting in the lobby this morning, we were going out and he was coming in. Lisa nudged me, “Sting” was all she whispered. He was with a woman and a man. The woman was talking to the doorman. Sting was dressed all in black except for a long stark-white cashmere scarf, he was chatting and working a dark-gray French-flat-cap around in his hands. His hair is very short and white.

We wanted to walk in the snow, if only for a minute.
A gust of wind caught us as we reached the sidewalk. The two American flags, on either side of the entrance, went rigid, at 9-o’clock as if saluting us. “Jeeez!” I said, like the Georgia girl I am - or was. “Don’t be a baby,” Lisa answered, like a true, pittyless New Yorker but her cheeks had turned a child-like pink. She flipped up her collar.

I patted my pocket, relieved to feel my phone and know that if we froze to death the authorities could use “find my friends” to locate our bodies.

Leeza joins us a moment later and I can’t help but notice that she’s dressed like it’s a cool fall day. Back in the day, when my brother would dress like summer even though temperatures in Georgia had dipped cruelly into the fifties. Seeing him, my mom would say, “Where there’s no sense, there’s no feeling,” but I don’t.

“Did you see Sting?” I asked Leeza (12). She gives me a blank look. “Sting”, I said, “the lead singer for The Police?” I add, as clarification. “I don’t know who that is,” she says flatly. “He was famous,” I say in surrender, “a long time ago, in the 90s.” Maybe the next generation won’t be as celebrity driven.

Thank God Lisa suggested I pin my artist-beret down or it would have blown away, like my resolve to walk in the snow. Still, I followed Lisa into the park like a cat on a leash - unwilling to be seen as any less Canadian. The show crunched like we were trampling over snow-cones.

Trees began turning away the wind as we entered Central Park, “I think we may survive.” I said cheerfully. Just because you're freezing to death doesn’t mean you can’t be ​​affable.

Why don’t pigeons freeze to death - I thought birds flew south for the winter?

A man has lost his life nearly 62 years after he was born.
We've lost an actor and comedian and his name was Norm.
I'm sorry to have to inform people that Norm MacDonald has passed away.
He died on September the 14th, he left this earth yesterday.
He starred in movies and was a cast member of "Saturday Night Live".
He was diagnosed with cancer nine years ago and he couldn't survive.
He was also a writer who wrote for the sitcom "Roseanne".
Millions will mourn the death of this very talented man.
"***** Work" is my favorite movie that Norm starred in.
He went to be with The Lord yesterday, he's in Heaven.