I don't need anyone to console me
Don't pick up my pieces scattered on the floor
All I want is for someone, just once, to sit in the shards
And bleed with me

out of all the people who have seen me,
why did he made me feel seen?
He saw me as a evergreen paradise, always beaming up to dream.
He stared at me,
prolonged,
as i'm the ruthless star crashing through the galaxy.
A thousand words of coursety,
letters of love.
A million actions of care,
a zillion praises to drown in but
why does his look of wonder fill up my anxious soul?
why had he become the Sol to my Soul?

Born into a box ruled by someone else’s fine print.

Where can I go to die,  with dignity?   in peace?
The sad truth is there ISN'T a place.

No one ever sees that, even when it is time
for it to be in their face.

We cannot leave this world the way we would like.
Rules and laws govern us from the point of *******,  now.
Didn’t matter what you wanted, or how you lived, anyhow.

Euthanasia applies to every creature BUT us.
How is that even reasonable? Why don't we  have a solution that's feasible ?

There should be a pill, a process, an injection.
Something clean, nonviolent.  Something a family member could discover without unnecessary trauma and mess . Not a rope  or gun or a car exhaust ,
and more stress.

If mercy is written for the beasts and not the people,
then burn the fine print.
Tear up
the contracts.
Polite cruelty? as if suffering needs proof,
as if the idea, the desire for dignity needs permission.
  Respect   the person ,  choice  and decision.

Teach the world, starting with the U.S.,
a new word for human ending
not a disgusting, painful, lonely surrender of life, or suffering , depending,
A choice in  passing that preserves whatever semblance of dignity remains.  
A grant for  freedom  to decide  how  and  when.
After all it's love
not sin.

May Contain Triggers

I cut all my hair, everyday
the black slowly drifting to the floor
I poured pink into my life, onto my head
to stain into colors, my vision going purple, black, then red
My once clean room piles up in the corner of my eyes
And I flinched away from the piles and piles of lies
to be ignored and locked away
just for another day
I cried all my tears, so now I sit and stare
And I for once can't somehow care
like I used to, and how I loved
many things, and grew flowers with my hands cupped
I wonder if time will forever stay still
so calm when war goes on, the murders. the kills.
I draw on skin, feeling far away
sitting there with rain dripping down my face
water to wash the blood, down, down, down
If I could hurt for my sins, maybe I'd get what I deserved
little by little,
and they all refuse to know or see it all
and I sit here with my heart starting to hurt
I stand at the edge everyday, below me I watch
the waters turn and churn into a whirlpool I can't stop
The bridge that I stand at is so far up, and I cannot see into the darkness
And reality soon begins to lose it's hardness
not sharp enough, not deep enough, not enough to lose it all
and they all believed they saw
but why did they believe I was worth it?
Even when the candles fell to create fire, but from me they were lit.
I look in the mirror, and see the pieces fall
and it cracks and beyond I hear a small voice call
If i'd made it in time, I would have made it there
But now my world crashes, and the voice disappears
so quiet, so sane, so protective, so safe
But it all still drops away
I listen to music, with the world drowned out
To watch it go by, quietly. Earth's calling in dispair
but nobody will listen
nobody will care.
Sometimes I sing, maybe because I know it will be my last
or maybe my past love I had then is now lost
Because this world goes so so fast,
and I don't know at what cost.
Every night, I sleep on the side of the bed
piles and piles below me,
and pressure and pressure from above
up I stare, and see stars I do not,
I look up at the ceiling with my windows still locked
I wish to be held, but to be never touched
to be called out to, but to me, no one shall talk
it's what I want, but I miss the old traditions
of losing myself in all the equations
I have no time, yet i have the world
though I wish I didn't
everyday I wake up, I'm afraid of the sights,
that I continue to see.
These memories I must keep,
this act I must play,
keep my mouth taped, or sewn shut
Maybe one day the thread will wear off.
But for now the waters fight itself below me,
and I wonder how it'd feel to jump
to take in a breath
and to let it hold me like  I let no one else
or do I still sit here as dawn starts to ring its bells?
We will see
we will see

I wonder why people cannot forgive, for even the things I try to hold slip away
I wonder why people cannot forget, for it seems far too easy for me
the things I try to do just fall apart and what I've built
is far too weak
I wonder why people can't cry, for my tears become a river
then it becomes a raging drought that I cannot help become alive
I wonder why people get angry, for my heart it cannot hold
when I come up in defense, I promise anger is not my sword
though sometimes I carry pointy daggers and pointy arrows
I promise that they're made of foam and of my own sorrows
what's outside is not in, and what I hold is not a sin
is it? is what I will question, but I cannot make it so
I wonder why people cannot see the world as it is
a snake in a garden, like the garden of Eden
We have become a parasite, one seeking to destroy
to live and protect a world we say is ours
I wonder why we cannot heal, and how we shy away from the sun
why I love the rain when they love the snow
and I the thunder and them flowers, they'd only know
I wonder a lot of things, and for those it'll never be
answered because this world is a strange place
that will not be here much longer
I hope that they'll know the destruction and the pain
while I search for something
to make this world even a little worth it

Im sorry, are the words I should have said
But sickening silence is what left instead
Forgive me, I should have begged
I was wrong, I tried but efforts become quicksand
And I know you tell me I fly but I promise you I can’t
I should have noticed, but yet I couldn’t
I wouldn’t, so convinced I shouldn’t
So now you have become an anchor for the ship you’ve built
Now your body has been used to keep me in place and afloat
Now you have become the dying sun in the night of silk
And I know you wouldn’t want it, but you’ve gone and I’ve lost hope
I know this was supposed to a push for me to be safe
But I can’t help but wonder if it was me that made you hate
The mirror, and the person behind it. Convinced you there was darkness
Waited a mile away as the bomb set off, and you became less and less
I’m sorry, is what I should’ve wrote with the stars I drew on your arm
I know your hurting, as the stars became ones in your vision, and the crash of the car alarm
Would be the last thing you heard, im sorry I couldn’t tell
I wish I would’ve been there, I wish I would’ve helped
Even if my hands began to slow, covered with your blood
I would hold you and sing a lullaby to let you know you are loved
Maybe then the angels would take you in like you’ve thought not
And even though you promised, I think about this a lot
So im sorry, I’ll say it now, im sorry for using the hope you’ve given out
Each a part of you and each a part of me, let me become what your story was about
Im sorry, forgive me, come back down to earth
I promise that I’ll listen, I promise now I will learn
I promise I will hold you like you never let me before
But I knew you needed it but yet I still walked out that door
You kept it locked for a reason but now I know it was a way to escape
You were keeping the promise so when I left it open, there was no one else you could hate
Im sorry
I hope you can forgive me though I know you won’t be beside me
I will try to become who you needed me to be
Because I don’t know what else to do from keeping me from following
Im sorry, because I’m writing to late
Im trying my best like I told you, im trying to stay sane
Will you accept my apologies, even when you are so far away?
Will you let me have another chance, will you let me hold you?
Will you let me say sorry until the empty space beside me is no longer new?

Words evade me, often on this day, if I become more silent
Then would I be able to avoid my place?
Just one card bought me just half a day of smiles that even I couldn't keep off my face
And I wish I had said something if I had known what to say
Although you don't know, there are many reasons why
And even then, I'll ignore the day and pray for the gift of rain from the sky

Dear Stranger, or whom I love
Next time you look in the mirror and look away in disgust
or disappointment, or terror, or simply because you must
When you hear your voice, or your skill in a hobby you love
or once did as favor grows thin and you prefer to just sit
Next time you look out the window and frown
because it's raining, and it's pouring, above the whole town
Or there's fire to the woods outside your door
It's burning, and the trees are screaming as you lay on a bed on a floor
You shape what you think you are worthy of
like if you do or do not deserve friendship and love
Some think you must earn it, and even then it should never be given
or others are accustomed to it so they don't know what to believe in
To take is still to take, whether they give in the future
The scars won't heal, and it'll continue to rupture
So don't blame yourself, and don't blame the others,
what you want to see is what you choose to bother
I know it's not that easy, or simple, and it's a two faced problem
or maybe more faces that I can't see.
Next time, remind yourself that you wouldn't tell a flower
that hasn't grown yet that it doesn't deserve water
and you wouldn't tell a child that hasn't learned yet
that it must always look back and regret
You have two windows, and they're called your eyes
They look into your soul and I promise it isn't empty
You too deserve water, and love in the rain
don't be afraid of thunderstorms because eventually they'll grown flowers,
and forests and homes to the beasts
So if you go through this, and if an earthquake shakes your home
Don't let it change you, that this is a place where you deserve to leave.
This is your home too
_ from a stranger, whether you think you know me or not