You blame me for this but we both know the truth
You can't handle that I'm not solely interested in you
You want me to idolise you, while never moving forward
You want me to despite you, can't handle what's important
Always right? Yeah, I'm so tired and spent, we would be a train wreck
And now I'm sitting here doubting, every single thing you've ever said
Your projection is palpable, it has its own pulse, do you actually believe it?
Do you gaslight yourself too? In your bubble of delusional deciet when
I'd have helped you leave it. Nevermind then, I hope you learn from this
I hope you don't dismiss the pain, I hope you understand all I ever did
Was too soothe your ache. I miss you, but you said this is for the best
Not for the reasons you stated though, we both know that's the test
We both know, you'll lie to yourself, but your heart will confess
However, you'll "bury that mess" on my day no less. I guess,
I always knew, this would have it's end. I hope someday when
You've reflected, when I've collected my self respect
You'll actually be able to be that "friend"
Without blurring boundaries like they don't exist for a reason,
I'll just keep this car wreck active, so my veins keep bleedin'

All the best in love and life ❤️

I took my first wrong turn
when I took you so for granted,
I was so relieved to wake up next to you.
I’m so used to making my world burn,
or making sure that it stays slanted,
perhaps I should stop writing in red and start with blue.

You want to know what was my worst mistake,
it was watching your heart break
to prevent a fracture of my own.
I need to stop doing things only for my sake;
can’t eat and have my own cake,
each day is just a loan.

I see colours from and around you
but I always paint shades of grey,
we can argue that the pictures beautiful all the same.
Analyze shadows, shades and each hue,
we can always find a sun ray;
we’ve perfected it into our own type of game.

You want to know what was my worst regret,
was making your eyes turn wet
to keep my own dry.
I’d place all I own left on a bet
that it’s something we both won’t forget,
I wish that was a lie.

I committed my worst crime
based upon my biggest sin,
you’re so faithful; truth is I don’t deserve you.
“This won’t happen a second time,
I’d rather trade off my soul and my skin
spend the rest of my life held together with tape and glue.”

You want to know what was my worst mistake,
it was watching your heart break
to prevent a fracture of my own.
Share consequences from the choices I make,
it causes me to burn and ache
right down to the bone.

i keep telling myself it’s not a big deal
people fall in love
people drift apart
but it wasn’t supposed to be them
not the two people i trusted
not the two faces i looked at
and thought,
“they’ll never do that to me”

funny how betrayal doesn’t come with sirens
no alarms
just small silences
a skipped message
a weird glance
a laugh that didn’t include me this time

and i wonder—
when did they first look at each other like that?
was it while i was talking?
was it during one of those nights
i was pouring my heart out to her
and he was just… there?

she knew
they both knew
and still they smiled at me
still asked how i was
like they weren’t already
pulling the knife out of my back
to see how deep it went

i don’t even feel anger right now
just emptiness
like i’m standing outside my own life
watching it fold in on itself
quiet
unimportant

maybe this is what it means to be forgotten
not in absence
but in plain sight
to be looked at
and not seen

i keep thinking i’ll cry
but my body must’ve decided
it’s not worth the water

and maybe it’s right
maybe i’m just a chapter
they skipped through
a placeholder
until they figured out what they really wanted

but god
why did what they wanted
have to be
each other?

Holy Gabriel evil Michael
*** calling kettle black
Thieves of righteousness
With demonized hands.

Holy Uriel evil Raphael
Birds of the same feather
Father condemning son
Innocent criminal criminalizing Innocent.

Holy David evil Uriah
Evil Sheba holy Bethsheba
One lost a husband the other had none
****** Mary turned Angel Katherina.

Holy Satan evil God.
They're always right and you're wrong always
Satan judging demons for a pie
Friend selling friends for money and unquenchable greed.

The grasp you held on my heart
once felt reassuring, securing even.
But your fingerprints left bruises,
each one an echo of your lies.

My heart became a weathered map:
torn corners by sharp words,
crumpled from venomous lies,
the trail of betrayal tracked across it.

You made me flinch at kindness,
distrust soft spoken words,
run from help, for fear
it was another trap.

Even amiability makes me brace for pain
and I know-
I will never be the same, because
love feels like a fairytale
written for someone else—

and I can only imagine the ending.

"are you contemplating? did you observe enough?  
have you surveyed them all?  
have you scanned me, inspected my wounds, and scrutinized me whole?  
did you see—view the noisy entities that lie around me?  
thanks and regards, i hope i helped you with your study."


would you go ahead and just cry, baby?
i told you before—i've been poisoned a lot.

snakes, ghosts, waning moon in the shadows—
breathing slow, i gasp for more.
someone plays on the drums; the night feels alive.
my skin thrums—there's something under it tonight.

i've traced paths, points on a corkboard,
placed tags along as i go,
walking in the direction that leads back to the very center.
traps—traps—oh, so many.
they’ve set me up too many times—
i wonder if even they found it uncanny.

like a spider's web—intricate, yet messy—
it knows what it’s doing,
yet sometimes makes unsolicited errors
in the repeated counting,
as does the world around me.

long in motion, trapped, all of it a lie—
a plot, so humongously tried.
something about the way they speak,
how the smile almost always means the same thing,
how it reaches the eyes that carry a darkness so queer.

truth has always been one breath away—
i took that one—gasped, coughed, choked it out,
watched the mask slip.
they didn’t fall—i did.

viewers from the third eye, melancholic stillness in their sight,
piece by piece, watched me crash.
saw me bury the upturned corpses of all that i’d had,
crestfallen under the weight of secrets—
too many, too layered, too loud to ignore.
never meant to carry, never meant to become
merely the pawn, the bug stuck in the web—
yet desolated, they stained it mad.

there’s blood on me—
not theirs, but my own.
as i rasp out to repeat:
withered flowers still had the same old thorns,
as if sharpened by hand—like a dagger against stone.

you don’t realize how much it *****
when you have to pretend the lie doesn’t hurt.
and when the lie is you—all of you—
it’s like smiling a wisp away from the hug of death.
perchance, if anything’s left,
add it here. leave it be.
the texts, the calls, the hidden clues play on—
you dare cheat?

leering through the red trees,
the sparks of the stars that once whispered memories—
it’s so cold in this place, like being stuck in a maze.
every turn, a version of you exists,
one that i didn’t know how to name.
i’ve met enough to barely remember how to count—
or which number i’d reached.

no escape clauses here, just sounds of glass shattering.
trust is what lies on the ground beneath your feet.
i’ve seen the graveyard where all my hope lies,
sleeping since forever—
it’s been quite a while.
maybe the betrayal isn’t always the worst part—
maybe it’s the quiet.
the silence of watching the lies be watered,
brought up into flowers.
ones with thorns—
the thorns that ***** the same hand which had sown
the seeds—
it always comes back in a loop.
and i promise it’ll come back to hit you.

i’ve been poisoned enough to know
when it’s mere liquor,
or when it’s laced with sweeter wine—
the one that carries all the enzymes
needed to make me curl up,
squeeze the inside of my guts,
choke out my heart,
watch it be torn through
by hands that resemble claws.

you’re like an eagle—
beady-eyed and grinning.

they’ve said love comes with a price,
that bonds need no ice.
this setup, alas, was stitched with rot.
i walked into it willingly.
though i wasn’t the only pawn—
unknowingly so.

check the board again, my love—
who all stand? who made the rules?
i store it in a vessel—
the tragedy i have become.
you didn’t follow all the runes.
all you need to know,
even as you watch my corpse fall:
poison has come to know its own.
and despite all—you were all that i needed as an antidote,
to stop the black that visibly spreads through my veins.
you and i watch it reach up to my eyes—
one last glance.
the board shall remember:
i'll take your name.
you.

When a noble heart is betrayed,
He runs not home, but feeds the flame.

Toward the low, he throws his grace,
A furious fall from a higher place.

As if to curse what once was pure,
To make his past no longer endure.

Not for pleasure, not for thrill
But to punish the light it once stood still.