For many years
I have felt broken
And empty inside
My depression grew
To the point where I
Felt nothing inside
My life change
When I met you
For the fist time
I am whole again
All because
You challenge me
To be a better person
Care for me
Even when I don’t think
I deserve it
You silence my fears
That has been
Building for years
I feel so close to you
Even from the distance
That we must endure
Every day that I am with you
You make my life better
Because I don’t have to
Wonder, Cry
Or have heartache
Over someone
That isn’t you

Body aching
Eyes dark and drooping
So much writing, thinking
To do.
The sky grows darker out my window
You say you worry, because you still obviously care.

The truth of it all
Is that despite my convincing, my deep loving
Because when I invest, I invest my hardest
I like me better
Without you underneath me.

But we acknowledge there is tension
We text drunkenly at times
We miss and wish we could kiss
Away the marks we left behind.

But a new moment here
A new experience there
I should really drag myself out for that run.

Chicago moves and booms
With everything happening so fast
So intensely
I keep up, sleeping so little so little
But you wanna lecture me and say
That you still care baby.

Lets do indeed,
Toast to us and all the things
We could never be
Thank you for teaching me
And making me a better me
In the end,
With your romantic exit.

But I love you, I do
And my heart has a slight cut
On the right tip
From where you supported
Listened
Held me when I was lost
But in the end
I'm the only one who can free me
From this beautiful, white picket fenced
Bird cage.

I used to grip your hair in my hands
you choked me sometimes
it wasn't all in lust
I scratched your back so hard
I left marks
and I'm sure there was dead skin underneath my finger nails
You didn't like to kiss when you expressed love physically
I didn't mind because kissing preoccupied me
We met on the same wave length of dysfunction
and our vibrations created a dimension in which we could disappear in
You would stare so deep into my eyes
that you would see past them
Sometimes we cried
but we never stopped
you were so gentle

But you hurt me and I don't mean when we did things sexually
I mean intellectually
out of all of our destruction in the act of reproduction
I only ever felt hurt through your words

What I would do to lose myself to you again

You looked more like a man today
Than you ever did before.
But I had to leave you, on a Thursday.

So many things I planned to say
Your eyes immediately welling with tears
Jaw so tight,
I thought of all the times we would fight
Enough is enough, I tell all my friends.

I had to change the music that escorted the scene
To something that would better match the melody
Of your welling tears, in the room.
You saved me, at a time when I needed it the most
I will remember you for that always,
I whispered amidst your: "I am so sorries"
And your: "Please just don't leave my life."
I meant what I said.

I worried you would never walk out of my apartment
Talking to me in circles, I felt responsible
But knowing.
Maybe I am a freak, maybe I am just a romantic
But you looked more like a man to me today
Than you ever did before.
But I let myself leave
And dance ******* free.

Your legs seemed longer, stronger
Your forehead more wrinkled
Scruff on your face
Where was this guy?
The look in your eyes, you knew your heart had been taken away
I had to do it.
Long Eyelashes, you said to me:
"I was filled with such hate and bitterness, before I met you. You taught me to love again."
Choking and stumbling, salivating
Smiling a smile that broke your heart,
"What a beautiful thing that is. I'm glad I could do that for you."
I meant what I said.
Wishing it was possible to dive into the nearest pool
And sink to the bottom, I darkly thought.
But I had to let myself leave.

Your mouth opened
Before you left, that you would probably drink
A lot tonight
Please do no harm.
But I know you would come after me any time
At 3am, but I'll do my best
Not to call.
Because I had to let myself leave.
I wept after you left.


Just like one big weary worn out sigh
That little table of mine
Has seen it all.
Drowning, singing to you all
When will my tail and I surrender?

I heard the door jingle and jangle
Let you exit
Wanted you to exit
Wanted the clutter to exit
Too much avocado, for me
Thank you for the extra
But I had to let myself leave
For the last time.
But always remember me
I think in some way,
I taught you the pirouettes of love.