i get through times
that i honestly
don’t want to
i dream of days
that are far away
hoping
i’ll eventually
get
to you
but my efforts
are worthless
completely pointless,
really
i know
how
and when
and why
people love me
it never lasts
i’m a fleeting feeling
used
and abused
and only out here
to soften the numbness
to create the false illusion
of something
that will
never
truly
exist
i’m so often
and easily
missed
for things i can never
actually be
sorry.
i’m just me
words are nice
they can create
a facade,
a cozy home
for false feelings
to fester
and mess up
our heads
my life isn’t real
where the ****
are my meds?
i am trying
to exist
but to exit
sounds much cooler
which way is out?
i see the emergency exit
but i’m trying so hard
not to sound the alarm
in my poor attempt
not to take it
oh, my smile?
it’s fine
i mostly fake it
no one seems to know
even though
i’m not
a great liar
but i’m a decent actress
and i can pretend my way
through this mess
in a way
that
only those
who pay attention
will notice
which way is up?
i could try to tell you
but it would only be a guess
you are too good
and too bad
to be true
wouldn’t life just be
a lovely fantasy
with you?