I’m wondering about the state of my life
It seems as dull as an old pocket knife
No satisfaction in the work I do
No colors but grey and blue

I’m older now and maybe wiser somehow
Seen a lot of time go by up to now
Looking back, it was all so quick
Got a few memories that seem to stick

I remember love, I remember pain
I remember playing out in the rain
I remember people, time and places
I don’t remember names when I see their faces

How much older does one have to be
To understand the things, you need to see
Does age give you rights to win in a fight
Does it let you be the one to see the light

Now it seems that time goes by slow
And it moves based on what you know
Experience can teach you later on
It comes after the lesson is known

I don’t get too excited any more
There’s no mystery behind every door
Been there, done that and moved on
Seen everything I’ve been shown

Looks like old age is for looking back
Wishing for another crack
Wouldn’t do it all over again
Unless it came out the same in the end

So, I’m growing old just for fun
I got wrinkles from too much sun
Can’t say that it’s said and done
Any day just might be the one

She would have been
101 today.

She
must have
thought about it —
we all do

picturing herself
in a future body —
in a future year.

In 2025, I’ll be 101 —
she must have figured,
along the way,
wondering
where should would be-
what it would be like

Or if she would
be gone.

~
Refraction
Love passes through
And changes
Direction
Let it hold sway
The heart leans toward catastrophe
In the blue headlights
Of parenthood
Mom and dad
Suspended from a pivot
Their offspring
Asleep on a sunbeam
~

I died in my 20s
I had hope, energy
I had dreams that I was sure I was gonna make it happen
I had youth

Oh my youth
The belief in rocking the world
The belief in a better future
The belief that I was the main character of the story

I died in my 20s
What happened with that bright morning?
Why is it so gray and dark now?
Is it because the hope is gone?

The whole beauty and beliefs are now a pile of ashes and pain
The entire dream went to trash, buried with my young soul.
The hope was supposed to be the last one to die, it was the first.
And the youth melts every time I look at myself in the mirror.

I died in my 20s
And I traveled from hope and smile to pain and a cold tea on the desk
All that in the blink of an eye, as fast as the light
Faster than I thought it would be.

Our civilization created a bunch of Gods
Gods to explain everything
Gods that are good and bad.
But the most merciless God is named Time.

I died in my 20s
And this God doesn’t listen to your clemency
To all your prays of “please, give me one more chance”
“Please let me tell  I love them”

Your please is basically nothing for it
And then the chance passes
The wind blows, and with the wind, our life passes
And I didn’t even notice

Because I died in my 20s

Like soldiers of comically varying heights
I line up my pill bottles along the border
  of my place mat for morning roll call
Some plastic, some glass—
  Green, white, purple, yellow, gold
Each with their own earnest promise—
Energy, metabolism, muscle function,
  allergy relief
And I earnestly swallow each down
Willing each to complete their mission
To find success in the battle against time
Willing them to bring new life
  to this tired body of mine

© 2025 SincerelyJoanWrites. All rights reserved.

When I was young
Before I felt foreign lips on mine
Cracked the spine of the good book
Saw myself in the mirror
I sat at the window and wished on stars
I wanted fairy wings
a big white horse
a new pair of shoes
Now I am older
Not old enough to whither in wet soil
Old enough to sign my name
To run from large men
To billow smoke
Older still every day
Until there is no older left to be
Until there are no stars left
And shoes don’t run
And horses are too high to reach