If I were not old
I would paint the house
and shore up the insulation.
I would go out and **** the garden
and cut down brush and vines
that have taken over the yard
and suffocated my flowers.
I would put in a metal fence
and plant roses around it.
But I am too old for that
and I may die here one day,
in a darkened room, caught
inside the crumbling plaster,
whose windows are covered by ivy,
which reaches its fingers across the walls.
It is almost as if the errant plants
strive to imitate the flowers
I used to bring inside and
place in bouquets to brighten
my world, no matter how small.
I shudder to think what will be,
now that the flowers are gone.

They never said
Growing old would mean
The loss of everything
That made you, you
When the past haunts
And the mirror steals youth
It’s all encompassing.

And I remember when
But I’m so far from then
And the laughs and cries
Echo to a silent goodbye
When all has given way

Well I guess there’s still today…

And I remember when,
The rain didn’t pierce the skin
And nothing could harm,
No, nothing could enter in
These parapets built so high
That none could vault to breach
But now the walls tumble over
And I’m disposed to the siege

And I remember when,
But I’m so far from then
Oh bring me back to yesterday
So I can face today.

Take me home one more time,
To the days locked away in a haze
Listening to my favorite bands
Louder than concert speakers
Pounding my chest with bass drum tweakers
I’m hopelessly lost in this modern world
Where autonomy is monotonous
And I can’t see the vision I once had
When did I go blind?

One more ride into the past,
I’ll promise to make it last
If only you’d take me back,
And let me lie here awhile

Oh well, I guess there’s still today…

But I remember when.

they say that this is the best time of your life
to explore
but I have been there and been dissatisfied
rolling hills
misty mornings beneath the dew of trees
paved roads
a highway hitch and a stranger to talk to
time passes
I am home now but remember
only pieces
existing and fading in memory