5 am and my mind is running wild
Since a youth I've felt like a demon child
Never really understood how life worked
But I know pain and how bad it can hurt
11 hour days at my job
She mad at me because I get no days off
She's feels neglected
This is unexpected
I'm working to fix myself
But I keep her out when she wants to help
I remember 15 years old selling drugs
My past memories beginning to bug
But I can't seem to let them go
Where I'm going in life I just don't know
But I do know I'm not where I once was
Miles away but people I still don't trust
If I could I'd give you the world
Please just wait, I'll let you in, be my girl
I put up a front at the start
Because I was afraid to let you see my heart
I'm just trying to figure out who I am
I'm just trying to figure out where I stand
Because in this life you'll get lost
And people will forget you and you'll get tossed
I never had someone to believe in me
So I was blind to the different opportunities
But girl believe me you're the only one I see
**** these other girls, you're the one I want it to be
But tell me am I just convenient to you?
Am I just a toy for you?
What do you feel for me? I want to hear what's true
I feel like your just playing
But what you really feel you're not saying
And if you don't talk I'm not staying
Don't worry you won't see me crying
I'm losing my mind
I need some kind of sign
I know you're worth it
But I feel like we ain't workin

Five in the morning
feels fresh
and new,
as if
the world has
renewed itself
overnight,
and left
the early morning air
feeling
pure and untouched
against my skin,
within my lungs.

This is air
that the events of the day
have yet to fill;
it is a blank canvas,
whispering its request
to my soul:
for art to be
designed, created,
born, and painted
across its timespan.

5:07 am: a man on a bike was riding exceptionally fast along a dead street. I smiled to myself. Where had he been? where was he going? was he leaving someone? or was he returning? The beauty in the moment is that i'll never know.

5 am
The feeling of knowing that you will never be more awake or alive in yourself in this moment. That you can say to yourself, "I am enough, I can be enough, I will always be enough" and believe it with your entire body. That you can stand alone on an empty beach after a thunderstorm and know that at any other moment you'd be wishing that you'd have someone to share it with. But in the time where the air is crisp and the waves are so gentle they seem as if they're caressing the sand it washes upon, you know that all you really need is yourself. Your own soul. Your own peace. Your own love.


5 pm**
The feeling of knowing that you will never be more adventure-filled and spontaneous in yourself in this moment.  That you will say to yourself, "why do I have to be so ******* lonely" and feel it in the pit of stomach, in the ache of your heart and in the rambles of your head. But when the horizon is pink over the water it makes the not knowing seems less scary, like maybe you're never really meant to know - even if you think you do. *The world is yours and you are the worlds.

All I've ever wanted was that person I could always call when I felt alone.
Searching endlessly 4 city's.
Darling do you even exist?
Lost blood like vanishing hope.
I close my eyes every night and I'm ready to breath!
I'm ready to believe!
I'm ready to be alive!
Just show me what love looks like...

Terrors chase me out of sleep in disguise
I sit in darkness fiddling with my thumbs
All the while hoping that the sun won't rise
And that morning will never come

Soon the sky starts to bleed
And the horizon is covered in slaughter
But as soon as these tears have the strength to fall
The blood melts into water

And I realize the sky had turned blue
As I was sitting there in fright
And I realize I can either embrace the day
Or I can spend the rest of my life
Chasing the night

But I haven't made up my mind
Because night is the only place I'll ever belong
I'm a stranger to the light
I live through the day in a montage
of a sad song

Even though daytime reigns
There is still darkness in my mind
Maybe that's why I love night so much
Even though every morning
it leaves me behind

I spend the day clutching pictures of the stars and moon
Just waiting for them to come
And I know they'll leave much too soon
But maybe this time I'll go
where they come from

And I wish I would never sleep again
So I could spend every second enjoying the dark
I convince myself that it's good for me
But even the darkness leaves its marks

I always loved it when you smiled.
You're a golden child.
Sit down, For this here might take a while..

Music is your muse but for me it's you.
I'd pull down the Moon for you & all you have to do is just ask me too.

I miss my making love under the covers to my little hippie lover.

The stars shining above us.

Never would've thought you end up with another.

My heart hurts as it struggles to cope with its fault.

Now I'm lost..