Humanity is your ability to feel,
It's you're ability to think.
To experience love,
To live for someone else.

It's one's ability to feel empathy,
To experience a myriad of emotions.
That it what it is to be Human.
But what about me?

I don't feel happy,
I don't feel empathy.
I've forgotten the warmth of love.
I survive for myself.

My happiness left with my family.
My love left with a divorce.
My empathy left with the first shot.
Am I still Human?

Can i still be Human
If all I can feel is hatred.
Can I still be Human
If all I have is anger.

Can I still be Human
if I only experience is pain.
With all that I have become,
Am I still considered Human?

They say it isn't my fault.
They say I'm not to blame.
They say I did all I could.
They say I'm...
                            A hero...

They say I fought for freedom.
They say I fought for what was right.
They say I gave more than enough,
They say I DID more than enough.

How do they know?
What could they know?
How dare they say I gave ENOUGH!
HOW DARE THEY SAY I DID ENOUGH!

I'M STILL ALIVE!
I'M STILL BREATHING!
I'M NOT A HERO!
I'm... not...

I could have saved someone...
I could've taken that shot...
I SHOULD HAVE saved someone.
I SHOULD HAVE taken that shot.

It should've been me...
Why couldn't it be me...
I failed them...
I failed everyone.

I didn't see enough.
I didn't do enough.
I didn't **** enough.
No... I wasn't enough...

I wasn't enough of a Marine.
I wasn't enough of a husband.
I'm not enough of a father.
I'm no longer human enough.

Can I be enough for once?
Can I be strong enough?
Happy enough?
Loved enough...

Someone...
                         Anyone...

I don't want to be abandoned again...
Ah... thats right...
There's not enough of me left.
No... there wasn't enough to start.

There could never be enough,
Because I started with nothing.
I could never be strong enough,
Since the foundation wasn't enough.

I thought I was enough...
But there isn't even enough
For me to dream...
I was never...
                           enough...

I left to defend our home,
I left to defend what was right,
But when I came back,
I was broken
                         and you knew.

You saw the fires of passion,
The light of my desires,
The warmth of my smile.
Yet when I came back they were gone.

You knew that what I'd seen,
What I had done
In those rolling hills of sand and rock
Broke me, and yet you did nothing.

I gave my heart and soul to you,
You gave me a child with it.
But now I don't know.
Whether it was mine or not.

You were my home,
Yet when I came back
You turned around and closed the door.
Now I look through a window.

And watch as my daughter
Doesn't even recognize me.
She's afraid of me
And I don't know why.

And that.
That is what leaves me shattered.
It makes all those horrors come alive.
Everything I thought I had left behind.

I don't see myself in the mirror,
I see what I was,
I see all the people whose lives
Ended with the reflection in my eyes.

I see my brother's and my sisters,
Not by blood but by Creed,
I see the innocents that caught
Between us and those against us.

And I can see the pity in their eyes.
Now I know who really got lucky,
It wasn't me but them.
For they don't have any worries.

They left those for the ones who survived,
They cried as they left us,
I cried because I couldn't save them,
And now I cry because no one can save me.

My resolve becomes thinner each day,
I stopped myself once,
But my time is near.
I will join you soon.

For there is nothing left for me here.
No loved ones left.
No one who would chase away my demons.
No one to anchor me.

This is no longer my home.
But I'll be there soon...
I loved you more than you know.
This will be my goodbye...
                                                 One day.

Wind howling in my ears,
Sand slicing, biting, through my skin,
The faces plaguing my dreams of fear.
Their mouths all in a maniacal grin.

Pain flashing; arm burning;
Tumbling through the air.
An arm falling in my lap,
It's not mine but his.

My friend.
My driver.
The back I promised to watch.
The family man I know him to be.

No dont look at me that way!
Stop... please...
It's not my fault I survived.
It's not my fault you died.

No dont leave... please...
You're all I have left,
You're my last memory of him.
Stay... please...

The cracking of barrels,
Whizzing of bullets,
I'm sorry I have to go.
My other brothers need me.

You're eyes are already dead,
You're blood has run cold.
But they aren't gone yet,
Their blood is still warm.

A shot runs through my shoulder,
Strange voices coming from everywhere,
One saying to get back,
Another saying it's happening again...

What's happening?
What do you mean again?
Head hurting, splitting, painful.
Everything around me is fading...

No dont leave... please...
This is all I have left of them...
My friends who fell,
My brothers by creed not blood.

White lights, white clothe.
Strange voices speaking strange words.
A man in blue and white,
Red spatters of blood on his shirt.

It makes sense,
For now I see,
I was rescued.
One out of four.

I'm alive...
I survived...
It should've been them.
Why couldn't it have been them.

Voices
            Voices
                         Voices
Constantly speaking,
Raging
              Whispering
Talking?

Why won't they be QUIET,
silence...
Speaking; chatting; voices
                  Voices
   Voices

I can hear them in my head.
They speak louder at night,
All I want is sleep in my bed.
The sound in my head is like a bite.

No not sound.
Voices
               Voices
                                 Voices.

No sleep for me,
No sleep for them.
So why do they speak faster,
While my mind slinks slower.

Wait...
            silence...
                             At last...

The voices begin to sleep
Yet my mind is awake.
Thinking, guessing, hurting.
My eyes are heavy while my head is light.

The voices.
They talk again.
Simple, easing, slow.
Their words flow like honey.

Sweet and savory,
Whispering truths of the past...
Or are they my living lies.
My eyes do not know.

For they drop to darkness,
Ending the voices noise
From the fore and bringing
The sweet darkness of dark sleep.

Sleep...
How wonderful your call,
Yet for me you do not ring,
For what reason do you stall?
Why can't I hear you sing?

My eyes are heavy yet not,
My body cold and numb,
My bed is soft unlike that cot,
Why dou you not come...

Sleep...
              Sleep....
                             Sleep....

Not for me....
Why cant I just dream
Of the worlds I cannot see,
The ones just beyond the seam.

My body fight beyond it's brink,
Pushing against what it needs,
The sleep I wish to sink,
The relief that only sleep breeds.

Then why must my thoughts slip
Back towards the words i said,
Words said as a quip,
Words that anger did wed.

Why must I think always think...
Think think think...
What good comes from the brink?
What thoughts are drowned in a sink?

I do not now....

But for now...

Sleep has finally called me,
But the only button I have
Is the red button of tonight,
And now the dark consumes all...

To those who look in the mirror
And see a beautiful person
And those that look in the mirror
But see nothing.

It matters not what cold gray world
We all may live on
Or a world of vibrant green and gold
It is our world.

Soak what gray you most in blood.
Whether it be black blood of hate
                       Blue blood of envy
             Green blood of greed
         Purple blood of lust
Or the crimson of life.

Take this world in your hands
And cradle whats here.
There is someone who understands.
Someone with your taste.

Take the leg broken amd trode upon
And pick yourself up.
Prove that the strongest people
See nothing in the mirror.

Show that the empty mirror
Only shows whats important to you.
Those that see a beautiful person...
Show them that hate
                        Hate is the best motivator

The best for success.

The best for a great life.

For hate is a driving force
Behind the bullet that is you.
Fired feom the mouth of that
Beauty seeking mirror looker.

Take beauty from your surroundings
As well as within yourself.
Only then will you finally see
Something in your mirror.

And what you'll see wont be beauty
But success.

Seen or unseen,
It matters not to the strong.
Because the mirror isn't real.
You made it because they did.

Destroy ot like you did their words.
Use that broken leg to stand tall.
Taller than anyone.

But always remember where you come from.
Stay humble no matter where life leads.

For if you don't
Your reflection will change.
And so will your leg.