The river told tales in an indecipherable tongue
Consisting of broken sticks and faulty logs
The ability to perceive and interpret hides in the ominous jungles outlining the river
Clangorous sounds fill the night with despondency
Though the current drags on
Keeping it's promise
A dense heat swells over the atmosphere as you struggle to find a clear breath
And the key to happiness?
It wasn't discovered underneath the doormat  nor was it found at the depths of the river
It flows consistently to the beat of your heart
Encompassing every thought you ever wished to withhold
But a secret lingers in the undulations of the current-
Dragging and taunting, the fear of the unknown
Shelter and boats are out of sight and mind
But the struggle to hold on is never as arduous as it is now
Branch by branch the crackling disrupts the birds rest
And the fish swim along knowingly accepting the ambiguity of life's greatest question
Frustration piles with the rocks in the sand nearby
Alluding Him to believe you're unworthy of whatever the river carries
But it takes time to learn a language
And it takes time to forget one
For so long you've spoken through negative imagery like the
Sullen stars begging for love
And the morose journey to the fatal waterfall
How can one possibly switch to the language of the river!
Soft and slow, serene and tranquil
Yet as loud and bursting with vivacity as ever
Kaleidoscope visions summoned it here, through the power of hope
The kind of substance that lifts the heavy burdens away from aching shoulders
The river never laughs nor does it cry
Respect is mutual and the blossoming flowers agree
That an indifferent tone is all that's needed to put faith inside a belief
The incoherent sentence fragments the current whispers regarding the key to happiness
Can only be interpreted through an individual's own mind
Energetic yellow suns consume the vacant blackness of the night sky
Optic white clouds devour the essence of cobalt blue skies in the frigid environment
Indifference and a sense of direction is all it takes
To decipher the rivers message-
And it always keeps it's promises

Risen sensibility when it came to living life
Wiry tendencies to fall before a savior appears in the split second of your head coinciding with the concrete to catch you
You live too fast, you cannot die

A case of immortality floating through the blue and black veins pumping blood to your weary heart
Turbulent tremors beat the pallor right out of your personality
Trying to turn back time and see who's fault lies within the deficiencies of your relationship

Could it have been the haughty reactions to every novel he wept at?
Though inside he was deeply troubled by death and it's casualties in his life?
Could it have been the musk that owned his scent, one you used to crave but now repulsed?

Pine needles spiked within your perfume drove him off the cliff
And mood-congruent memory proves it's theories
You are gravely broken inside your chest
All you feel is anger for the boy that clipped the wings off of the butterflies that carried you
And replaced them with ****** tears sewn together with cheating and dishonesty

Irritable noises clamor inside your ears
Reverberating throughout your whole body
Shaking, like an earthquake, involuntary
Clangorous echoing of negativity  is constant
Unshakable, ineffable, suffocating

Your disheartened recollections resonating with your adverse quality of letting go
Could it be, a silly girl like you fell for a manic depressive like him?
Or did the silly boy fall for the manic depressive girl?

Mood-congruent memory, flowing back in streams of discontent and remorse
Ambiguous reasonings and faulty evidence collide with your incoming tears
He was not, the problem
(You were)

The sun cheerfully rises every morning
As does my hope
Coffee flavored with a hint of ambition spiked in the liquid caramel drizzle
The curtains are drawn back
Just like my despair
Hidden beneath all of my "to-do's" and "do-later's"
A cluttered mess I hope to never sift through
Three missed called from an old enemy Depression and I'm too busy to ever call back
I crave my quotidian omelet like I crave a fulfilled life
Inside, surprises delight my enchanted taste buds
And my appetite for being alive is heightened with the spices electrifying their energetic flavors
Caffeine sparking my newfound devotion to activity and business to leave no room in my schedule for sadness

But as the sun sets every evening
My hope and beliefs are suddenly invisible in the vacantly somber sky
The stars shine like my thoughts
Ricocheting ideas in the back of my mind
Inching their way forward like the caterpillar in the cage
As the darkness sets in, my eyes adjust in a timely matter
A form of classical conditioning I picked up on early in my life
My irises only responding to the anchors holding me down
I vent to the moon all night about my confusion and unhappiness
And it laughs at my tears, begging for me to "wait and see" when the sun comes up
But I hone in on the negativity surrounding me like the pictures of him and the music of the crooks in the night
We aren't all bad people for feeling this way
To choose a side is to choose night or day
To choose a connotation for my life
My autonomic response is negative

Night and day are merely metaphors for life
And every aspect I experience on a daily basis
It's enough insanity to drive my car off the cliff at night
Only to rise to the top and reverse it all in the morning
Waiting around to make your own sunshine in the world of darkness is complex and seemingly impossible
To fall to an impasse or to rise against?
Ask me in the afternoon how I feel
And I may end up letting you know
I am a night owl
No matter how hard it hurts me

At 4 in the morning you hear nothing but the soothing music playing softly from your speakers
At 4 in the morning you see nothing but the calm undulations of your brain waves running over your eyelids
At 4 in the morning you taste nothing but the lingering mint essence of your toothpaste in the back of your mouth
At 4 in the morning you smell nothing but the    soft linen detergent from your favorite purple pillowcase
At 4 in the morning you touch nothing but the fuzzy brown teddy bear you got on your 4th birthday
At 4 in the morning he snuck in while your consciousness was altered by your sleep
He crept up the stairs and peaked into your room
Your face morphed into a pale shade of blue and a worrisome look crossed his face
He stroked your cheek as you regained your breath
He took it from you
He politely sifted through your things and turned to glance at you with those icy blue eyes
You clutched your heart and a crestfallen look usurped his smile
He rested his hand upon yours as you calmed down, right on top of your heart
He stole it from you
He sat down beside you and closed his eyes
You started to toss and turn, grabbing at your hair and a perplexed look furrowed his brow
He leaned towards you and kissed your forehead as you finally lay still with peaceful thoughts
He invaded every single one
At 7 in the morning you hear nothing but his voice whispering inside your ear "I love you"
At 7 in the morning you see nothing but the elated smile and exaggerated dimples resting on his face
At 7 in the morning you taste nothing but the flavor of his lips locked inside yours
At 7 in the morning you smell nothing but the       lingering scent of the cologne he fell asleep in
At 7 in the morning you touch nothing but the warmth of his skin as he wraps his arms around you
He may be a thief when you aren't paying attention
But he is the love of your life, at all hours of the day

the rain sank the goodness into the ground,
an attempt to better the world with aesthetics replacing the dangerous cracks in the sidewalk
the mud encapsulates my deepest fear
my feet, cemented inside, like quicksand I'm sinking
Chances of surviving are a million to one
as i scan my brain for a trace of impending chances
but i will never see the sun set on the east side
and the birds won't sing when the frigid rain is biting their tongues and feeding on their despair
to live a life in despondancy, or to rise above the rut i am sinking in
the mud never lets it's victims leave, no redemption, no second chances
the clock strikes "over" and a thought about the future is not allowed to cross my mind, for the bridge has closed
and the boats sank under the water
i would run down the sidewalk forever, searching for a purpose
but im stuck
i am motionless while the rest of the city passes by me
invisibility brushes my hair and clothes my skin
ever since i fell victim to Despair and it's awful side effects
I held the future on a string, but as i dangled it above the balcony 10 stories high
what more could i expect than to lose it within the countless busy footprints of those who walk with both feet on the ground
Mine will be irrevocably stuck onto the pavement while i watch everyone else take off with their wings attached
and their smiles plastered on their faces

The air is as thick as the curls of your hair
The drink is as stale as the mid-winter air
The mistress and the man ascend up the stairs
The rest of them, so lifeless, so full of despair

Cluttered inside the corners of your mind
Trails of your self-medication are all you could find
Alcohol poisoning the natural opiates left behind
The rest of it, so scarce, so blurred, so blind

You tap your fingers to the tune of the song
You lift your drink up and back down where it belongs
Not another sip, the inevitable you mustn't prolong  
Drinking away your problems only works for so long

Another sad stare from the bartender that tends to wink
Another empty glass to clatter on the table when you finally drink
Six more years of crawling into debt with the inability to think
Drowsy eyes, bloodshot, still dry when you blink

Stagnant dreams rest under your pillow at night
While dizzy spells depress your enthusiasm as it ignites
The life you live is a life lived in spite
Regrets hanging on the curtain of your shower, revenge leaking from every reaction site

Three more weeks and it'll be over soon enough
Take the pills with a glass of whiskey and call your own bluff
You'll rest beside him and all of his stuff
Douse it in alcohol, light a match, you are tough