What's wrong
My love
Why do your eyes
Avert mine
Your hands crawl away from my fingertips
Your torso turns and leaves me behind
Your words
They drip between us
But I can't find the puddle
It feels like I am alone underwater
Ears filled with white noise
Your body lays next to me like an animal
Like I am wearing a dying loves dress
Like you're already living in the imagination
Of a dead loves future
Except it's not you in distress
My ache for you hits me
Like lightening striking a stream
Like bars
Wounding the water creating
Deep glugs as it drains cold inside of me
I'm the one who whines like an animal
Pines after you
Going crazy whilst I hide
Terrified to face the truth
Buried under the tide

I have robbed myself
And cried at your result
Oh how I feel like sobbing at your name
They told me you were sweet
They told it was like drowning in honey
But your cruelty has become a taunt for generations
Love
For me you were a false allegation
Where secrets impaled every word between us
Everything has fallen to a grinding halt
And I feel n o t h i n g -
Like a forgotten lamppost
An old rug soaked in canine ****;
An amputees stump: hollow.
My calendar still has marks for our hours to spend together
My mouth cannot bear the taste of someone else
I stare at my mugshot in the mirror
And tell myself I am the victim
But my veins hold me to account
I was a willing accomplice
I let him take all the empty spaces in my heart
And left me no room to grow
I let it feel strong and terrifying
I felt he'd loved me harder than anything I've ever known
And I swallowed it whole
Thoroughly, completely
I wanted him all
Little did I know
I'd entered a civil war
Where my thighs would bear the marks of collateral damage
My mind would spill the spoils

Johan you are my favourite poem
Of illusion
Memory and dreams
Of victory and in it defeat
Johan you are the poem
That's bigger than my heart
That's at the mercy of God
The power of prayer
You are my honour and bravery
My sickness and disease
You are the poem
Between twilight and dusk
With sleepy eyes
The one I wake to
My day and night
Johan
You are my favourite poem
Of art and music
With almond honey eyes
And dark curls
The poem about
The thrum of a pulse
The one I'm closest to
Like the moon drowning in the sea

Even if I don't say it anymore
By God I love you
And your arms are my home
I can't look at your dark eyes
Without being mesmerised
My favourite almonds
Forever I wish to be reflected in them
By God I love you
And he bears witness to my soul
I think back to when I met you
And the honey of your eyes
It is inevitable to fall for you
Every single time
For they are my favourite poem
By God I love you

Love me
Like a sudden death
Like a first breath
With sulphur and sparks
Attack me with your love
Bite me, maul me, smother me
Like a dangerous starving bear
Leave your love on my skin
Like the rain does to island cliffs
I am a woman lost to the world
Lonely and tired
So be one with me
And let me posess your heart
Like carvings on a stone