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jeremy wyatt Jan 2011
Haggis the cat is quiet and gentle
hang on! No he is ****** mental
if you speak or touch he strikes,
and that's just people Haggis likes.
Fights with Vincent all day long
even when he's done no wrong.
Lets me stroke him when he's mellow
made a streak in me thats yellow
the other day he pinched my dinner
boxed my face like I'm a sinner.
Fought over my piece of lamb
one each end then Haggis WHAM!
Let me kiss him the other day
but I know soon he'll make me pay.
Yes, now I've crossed the Scottish border
I've found my place in the pecking order..
BOTTOM......
MUM
                                    DAD------HAGGIS
                                           VINCENT
                                                   ME
Rosie Dee Jan 2015
Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin *** help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that *** staw a sow,
Or fricassee *** mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro ****** flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis
(As stated in the title) This is not one of my poems-all credit to Robert Burns. Being half scottish, we celebrate 'Burns' Night' in my house. A night to celebrate this wonderful scottish writer. I thought i'd put this as a tribute the great writer and let you all have a wee bit o' Scottish culture haha
soul in torment Sep 2013
in Scotland fair you must beware
the weathered moor at night
For it is said a thing of dread
hunts neath it's pale moon light

It's small and stout and loves to shout
and scare the tiny mice
It kicks the trees to wake the bees
because it is not nice

it runs amok through herd and flock
and makes the chickens fly
Then opens gates and shakes lose slates
and takes pigs from the sty

It up roots crops and spills the hops
and dances in the flour
Though rarely seen its really mean
and turns the fresh milk sour

It squashes flat each butter pat
and mixers wheat with grain
then ups and screams to spoil your dreams
and runs away again

The Haggis see is wild and free
and likes to cause such fun
Breaks traps and snares and frees the hares
and helps them to their run

The hunting hound that sniffs the ground
Will never find his scent
because he sweats sweet Vi-o-lets
to cover where he went

The Heathered moor and rains that pour
wash away his tracks
and he's not scared he is prepared
for haggis run in packs

With teeth and claws and snapping jaws
they are a sight to see
So think before you seek that moor
where they run wild and free

— The End —