Age, couldn't ever wither her, her flamboyance
baffled and attracted, alternatively, a poetic thunder,
this phenomenal woman engaged life and death alike
so see her at this age, was a wonder, what a presence!
her lips proclaimed through red glow of lipstick, aloud
"Kiss me death, I'll give myself at the last breath"

Why do we hold life close to our chest, seeing her zest
if one asks her, her laughter would answer well to that puzzle,
all this passionate living is for the experience to share,
to surrender, before death that will take her through the dark hole
that connect the eons to the white hole at the other end.
Birth and death, doors to and from a stage, living an intoxicated dance.

They take her coffin, along the street, grief stricken , gone mute
dance, dance her voice instigates in silence, wildly they dance.

I hear you calling.
Your beckoning to me.
You don't want me to leave.
Your want me to stay.

You tell me how you'll miss me,
Then question my loyalty,
Ask what you could say
To convence me to remain.

I can't turn away
From my destiny.
I'm following the light
That comes to me in dreams
In the hours of the night.

It's rare to see beyond
The scope of one's existence.
I want to live
A life that is enriched
With wide-splayed experience.

There are oceans I want to see,
And parades that honor life.
I want to beat on drums
And stroll along the boulevard.

You grab on to my arm,
As you say you won't let me go.
I sat up last night
And thought of how you wield control.

Now see the blood in my eyes
With the lack of your faith.
Baby, I know it,
Your love is a wraith.

Blood in my eyes,
Slack in my faith,
Baby, I honor,
I commemorate
Those who follow
Their dreams evermore.
Live the dream,
That's what it's for.

The day has come to reconcile
Yourself to what is to come.
The power that you had
Over my life now is gone.

I won't wish you sadness,
And I know I won't reflect.
I put the past behind me,
We never could connect.

I hope your dreams come true.
And your life won't make you blue.
Accept that I am leaving,
And there is nothing to say or do.

Watch, if you want, I'll glisten.
While I'm dancing down the lane.
I'll be a speck of light.
There will be no refrain.

Here I am, back on the ground and beaten down. Filled wit love but wear the mask of a clown.. I'll tell you honestly, I was at the top I flew among kings and for a moment I had thought. These angel's with wings, who's soft lips did comfort lonely soul.. Why would it stop?.. Now to go on, supposed to find our roads, to search for my own "beautiful life", a brand new rose? "This clown, this joker, this suffering artist", call me what you will, but kindly I leave with a parting gift- This is not a shout for "help!", I'm not trying to connect, jus that I am like all of you, another clown in respects. It is easy to stumble, it is easy to fall, but we are here for each other, Heart, Mind, Body, Soul and All..

The sky was so clear this morning I could have connected the dots from the Little Dipper to the Big Dipper.

As I drove home from the cafe on the corner... I remembered something I couldn't quite believe I forgot.

I remember the way the morning air felt when we walked across the lawn. After the rain had fallen so hard we could smell the freshness the next day.

I remember the brightness in your eyes when you looked at the map and pointed at this random dot with some strange name and said this was to be our next big adventure.

I remember the smell of your hair as we cuddled under the stars on a clear night just like this morning...

I remembered this because you were there... You were the reason I could connect the dots of constellations so far away.
You were the reason I wasn't afraid of random dots on a map.
You were the reason the rain made me smile...

I just smiled and drove home to think about you... And I hope you're doing okay.

She believes in benevolent strangers.
She believes in seclusion,
She believes in chaos and confusion.
She can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Knowing that it's a mirage,
She happily believes in the disillusion.

She believes in dreams, she believes in hope.
Even when the situations are too difficult to cope.

She is bubbly. She talks a lot.
Of random things, Of vague thoughts.

She asks - "Who art thou?"
Can you connect to your darkest, blackest fantasies & thoughts?
Have you made a life for yourself where you can feel them, experience them?
I have . . .

I believe
and
I am crazy.
I see a picture to what seems hazy.
Yes, I am odd.
But, I am free . . .

Welcome to this empty house
Looks like it might sell any day
Only it’s not up for sale
The fridge is full of beer
And the doors are always open

In the back there is a room
Full of things you can break with your bare hands
Your bear hands
There are metal baseball bats
And hockey sticks if you need help

Take everything apart
Till you find replacements
For your missing parts
If you have to
We are so much duct tape and makeshift courage by now

There are days where it’s the only way to feel better
Don’t tell me
The ring in your arms as you connect
Doesn’t travel down your spine
And make you shiver like a good memory

Maybe this isn’t you
But some of us were born to break things
Some of us were born
To find our missing pieces
Inside piles and piles of missing pieces
We are so many badly sewn glassy eyes and awkward hinges by now

On the days
Where the murmur in your heart
Has you searching for some new tubing
Or when you need new wires
To reconnect your nerves
Or if you want to tighten your heartstrings
To play a calmer tune
Because there is too much distortion
In your song by now

Know there is an empty house
Stocked with beer
And in the back there is a room that I call a church
And the doors are always open

you say my eyebrows could use a plucking
you say my lips are colorless and dull
you say my eyes could use defining
you say my cheeks are much too full
criticize my face all you want
it won't have any effect
but tell me that i am unpleasant
and inside it will leave me a wreck

you say my ******* could stand to be bigger
you say my waist is much too wide
you say my thighs could stand be thinner
you say there is too much fat on my side
ridicule my body all you want
it won't cause me to cry
but tell me you hate my existence
and i will find it hard to get by

you say my grades aren't quite up to *****
you say my face often looks very dim
you say i should do more pushups
you say i should connect with a him
laugh at my lifestyle all you want
it won't cause me distress
but tell me you've told all my secrets
and it will leave me very depressed

We collide like thunder.
Wrapped in your indigo skin,
Wrapped in your warmth,
Fingers dig through the ache
Of wanting more.
Coiled tight,
Clinching,
An reaction of skin
pressed against skin.
I wear your shadow.
Thick in your sweat.
Like lightening you stretch.
Your breath rises,
In search of something to devour.
Again we collide.
Striking the gap
of emptiness between us.
Your eyes searching me.
The primal urge
to connect.
Still searching.
Still craving.
Marking where we lay,
Until the next storm

My spirit doesnt fit for long
It needs room to wander
For all of my many lifetimes
I meander and merge
Migrate and congregate
Relate and perpetuate

i breath
And i shift
My soul doesn't settle
Feathers frantic, curving rains
Tops of mountains, secret caves

It doesn't understand weight,
Light and free forever wandering
Forever lonesome, but relishing the clean stinging pain,
The solo sunrise
Boots on the ground.
New smiles to see
Best friendships lasts 5 minutes
Get a bright flash of me.
Thats all you need.
A streak, a shooting star
to pierce and uplift and connect and remember
Then off and out and alone

Sometimes my soul thinks it belongs
It holds on
It exhales
Breathing out all the air and tries to sink
To touch the bottom.
To remain, to be heavy and constant
A stone not a leaf,
But then no air. The drowning feeling. Panic and pressure and then the numbness creeps in. Conform, accept. Belong, work, remain, stop flowing, stay the knowing.
The weight of the water is warm and dull, crushing, aching,
Forgetting the joy of breath,
And lightness.
Forgetting my nature
Only taking comfort in the constance of depression
The hopeless relief of daily dying

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