Look what I’ve done.
World, look at me. I am pretty. Accept me.
Facebook like, love or whatever reaction cradle
Me in your arms like my mother never did
Tell me I matter.
Kiss me under the stars just
To prove to me that my dark past does not need
To overshadow my flickering happiness.
Let me breath you in just to prove that
This yin and yang mystery can be real.
Two hearts can synchronize.


Look what I’ve done.
Mommy look at me past my disappointments
Lover, look at me like I am the definition of perfection.
Toy with my bleeding heart like a **** in a chess game.
Dangle me. Make me feel whole and leave me empty.
Make me realize that I keep loving “deep” statuses
Because I find pieces of myself in them.
I keep trying to find my voice because
She ran away for me.


Look what I’ve done.
Look at what I am. I am alive.
I didn’t tap out. I survived.
I faced my demons and won some battles.
Lost more but I am here.
Look at me burying those I love.
I went out to hunt grief and before I left
I dug two graves.
One for my happiness and the other for my pain.


Look at what I have done.
God look at me!
Tell me why you never left
A suicide note to explain why I became a monster
The reason why you sent guardian angels
to protect us because we break everything we touch.
We hate happiness because it reminds us of something
we can hold onto for a lifetime.
Look at me. I hate death because
She reminds me of regret and the I love you
That I could have and should have said.
The I am sorry and the tight hugs.
A constant reminder that a beating heart
Is sometimes life distilled to its purest form.


Look at what I’ve done.
I became the human I promised to never become.
The alcoholic my mother is. The abuser that was my father.
My emotionless grandfather.
My voiceless grandmother.
The friend who ignores friends when
They need me most because I am afraid they
Wont reply to my 2am rants when I am confessing my dark secrets
How will I ever forgive myself for the things I did not become?
Look at me!
Look at what I’ve done.

behind dark humour
behind a confident fake smile
behind a humble demeanour
behind growls and random sighs

behind seemingly a character's eager
behind lonely quick responses to one you like
behind oversized clothes over scars on your figure
behind acting like you can walk on a thin wire

behind jokes of saying you're much bigger
behind pretending you're not waking up tired
behind thoughts of shooting shots on a tiny trigger
behind explaining dreams of burning passion—fired

behind a simping hero, playing self villain's vigor
behind seasonal seasoning of a season to cry
behind truthful scripture, and thoughts of a sinner
                                  suicide lurks behind a mind

Words are meaningless
Love is beautiful before it breaks you.
Tears change nothing.
Real is rare and unacceptable.
Hope dies swiftly
Sharing yourself leaves you empty
Exposing your soul is suicide.
And I am no one special.