I know I’ve grown
But its not perfect
Im certain
I’m used to hiding behind curtains
Is this all worth it?
Can I maintain a positive mind?
Can I shy away from what's beneath?
What I hide behind my reddened cheeks
The ice is cold beneath my feet
What if I fall, the sun out of my reach?
The weather is warming
I'm about to go back
I’ll be happy to go,
But what if it's a trap?
I’m scared I’ll relapse
Can I shield myself,
Or will the knife pierce my back?
I keep writing and writing
Hoping I’ll express how I’m feeling
But my words fall short
This fear is stealing
my heart from whats healing
What happens if I slip?
Will I get up after I trip?
Can I take what I’ve learned
To grow from mistakes
Can I hold myself together
Will I be able to stay safe?

Ink runs down my chin
Once its left my lips
It drips and drips
To my fingertips
So I write on a slab
The story of my past
Letters in black
What I’ve been holding back
Once I’m finished
And I’ve used up all language
I take a step back
To see what I did
But it's illiterate
Blobs of nonsense
Is this all that I am
Something no one will understand?
In anger and frustration
I try smearing what makes me a person
But the ink is dry
I cant hide
From who I am
All that I can do
Is add more and more
Till my hands are shaking
And there is new ink in the making
So that instead of black blobs of nothing
I can create colors of wonder and lightning
So that on this slab
I mirrored myself and my past
So that I can come back
To the moment I found who I am

You'll pick me up at seven to our perfect garden house
Butterflies and ladybugs will scurry in and out
We dance about the mossy cracks to plant our seedless love
We roll around our ***** floor covered in pixie dust
We know the neighbors will complain of nightly locust sounds
But we just keep on grinning in our perfect garden house
We hang our flowered frames on textured tree trunk walls
Staring at our portraits we are not invisible
We snuggle under lily pads and kiss beneath the sun
A smile on your lips because we don’t have to run
We fall away together because we cannot do without
We live and sing and shine inside our perfect garden house

You rule this kingdom, releasing the blight
Calling on death and destruction of life
You send your demons while we sleep
Ignorance blinding you to our schemes
Lazy, you call your dogs for ***** work
Not knowing where your allies will soon turn
For while you're sprawled upon your throne
Death is just outside your door
So let me just ask, before I slit your throat
Was your empty power worth being alone?

Beneath my laughs
She saw my tears
Then I look back
And she disappears
She had chiseled her name
Into my bones
Then left me astray

I am alone

How do I know
Where I’m going
If I can only see
So far ahead of me
I’m just riding this train
Into life, and as I go
I’m wondering what’s
The point in it all
I’m stuck, confused
These faces blur past me
And I try to decipher
Which ones will save me
The past the present,
The unacquainted future
In life there really is
Nothing for certain
We will never know,
The reasons why
Our answers
Seem tongue tied
Our curiosity
Never dissolved
This puzzle
Forever unsolved
But when I close my eyes
I can almost see
That flurry of hope
You’ve planted in me
That things will get better
That one of these days
My head will clear
I’ll escape this haze
And for that, my dear
I have to thank you
For giving me the lenses
I’d never quite looked through

Her eyes wonder and fade
Hands clenching at her shirt, her legs, her arms
She feels his gaze bore into her heart
Her skin crawls
She tries to hide within herself
Shrinking down into her chair
But his stare creeps through her eyelids
And stabs at her brain
Her stability stumbles and wavers on the ledge
Then comes the ear piercing sound of his step forward
Her sanity cracks and crumbles in the wake