"I've been searching for an exit, but I'm lost inside my head;
Where I spend every waking moment wishing I was dead."
The torturous feeling,
Of the loss and regret.
Shooting down all but, the feeling of dread.

"For a few minutes get me away from here,
For a few minutes wipe away my tears."
For the longest time I've had to dry my own eyes,
Holding back sighns of pain,
Not letting anyone know I was weak.

"For I am lost right now as the ocean deep;
I am low my friend and how my heart does sink.
Yeah I am lost right now as the ocean deep;
I am low my friend and how my heart does sink."
So please just,
Drop me off at the nearest gas station,
Rid me of your face,
I know that you don't care,
I was just trying to find someplace,
To be free of pain,
And free of sin,
Waiting for my life to end,
So the new world can begin.

"It's like there's cancer in my blood,
It's like there's water in my lungs,
And I can't take another step,
Please tell me I am not undone."
No air left,
My lungs burn like acid has filled them,
Pulling me deep under water,
I can't even walk I'm in so much pain,
I try to fight back as hard as I can,
But my mind is unraveling in front of my eyes,
Every memory fading away.

"It's like there's fire in my skin
And I'm drowning from within -
I can't take another breath,
Please tell me I am not undone."
A cancer consuming me from within,
Just trying to escape,
This world that I'm in,
I cough up blood as I try to hold on,
Feeling a need to just end it all,
Right here,
Right now.

"I've been searching for an exit but I'm lost inside my head;"
Pulling a string to make me talk, I've got no emotion left inside me;
"Where I spend every waking moment wishing this would end."
The walls close in, I'm cold and I'm afraid;
"I can't take another step, I cannot live inside my mind,"
The demon's just won't quit, wish I could run away and hide;
"I can't face another day, I am so ******* tired."
The sunlight burns my skin, highlighting the giant flaw that I am.

"I'll take another step for you -
I'll shed my tears until I drown, or until I am underground."
Trying hard to stay free,
Keeping life inside of me.
"I'll take another breath for you...
Will you still be there when I'm home, out from the great unknown?"
You're pushing air into my lungs,
But still I feel like I've undone.

No one knows the way you make me smile,
Curled up at home listening to that one song,
That always makes me think of you.

The way the melody brings back the light of your eyes,
The smile on your face,
Your weird personality that could bring me back from miles away.

Each note making my breath catch in my throat,
Like what happened the first time I saw you,
In that football jersey you wear so well.

I don't really know,
The reason this song brings back pictures of you in my head,
Making me feel the way I do about you now.

And all the roads I have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead me there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you

But I don't know how,
This song just seems to get the words out,
Like sharing thoughts in my head

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonder wall

And that song's my first step,
To get me walking in the right direction,
To tell you.

You know those feelings,
You get them deep down in your bones,
You know you just shouldn't be feeling them,
But you can't help it when you're all alone,
I feel them every day,
Or at least that's the story so far,
About one certain football player,
An athletic star.

Number twenty on the field,
But number one in my thoughts,
He's got my mind reeling,
And I know it's never going to stop,
Images of brown hair and blue eyes,
Playing in my head like a movie,
The reels just rewinding and playing,
Again and again,
Never letting me stop,
Thinking about that boy in the jersey.

I thought he'd be like every other boy I've ever thought of at night,
Denying my existence,
Causing my heart and head to fight,
In an endless battle of,
He doesn't need your time,
And,
But he could still be all mine,
Every day I see him,
He faces me with a smile,
Starting a conversation,
I haven't had in a while.

That **** of a boy who looks at me,
With eyes of the deepest blue,
Just a little punk like this kid,
Shouldn't end up with a boy like that,
But hey,
Maybe I might,
Just give breaking some boundaries,
A shot.

Leaving for the summer,
Leaving everyone behind,
Going to a different country,
Where I feel like I'm blind,
Susceptible

All they say,
Is that I’m useless,
Nothing more,
Than another grain of sand in the bucket.

Beaten and tortured,
By my own mind,
Ripping and clawing at the chains that bind me,
Tracing every scar.

I know I’ve had it rough,
There’s people who’ve just had it so much worse,
Unable to break the bonds,
That their own heads created.

I know that I’m stronger,
Even sometimes I feel I might break through,
I just have to keep reminding myself that,
“This is not what it is,
Only baby scars.
I need your love,
Like a boy needs his mother's side.”

I know what you told me,
That life gets better,
It always gets better,
Because it can never,
Put me through more than,
I could handle,
“This time I'll make you,
Proud to see me over,
Come on daylight”

As the struggle continues,
The future getting clearer,
Each and every day,
“I believe it's time for me to be famous,
And out of place.
I believe it's time for me to move forward,
When I break through.”
And it’s all thanks to you.

Nearly twice as tall,
And just as thin,
You hold me in your arms,
And the whole thing begins.

"Today was just awful!" I cried into your shoulder,
You kept me sane the entire time,
My eternal holder ,
You helped me through my darkest days.

You move me to the couch,
And pull me farther in,
I tried to resist your help,
But I knew you'd always win.

You wrapped your knee around me,
Locking me in place,
I never wanted to be free,
From your loving embrace.

Kissing the top of my head,
You whispered comforting words in my ear,
Saying they weren't worth getting this worked up over,
Killing my fear.

I wrapped my arms around your shoulders,
Burying my face into your chest,
I never knew a guy that would be any bolder,
Then to hold me close and make the whole world disappear.

A soft kiss on my lips,
Wiping the stray tears from my cheeks,
The warmth from the fire spreading over us,
I hadn't felt this safe in weeks.

Until you took me into those arms I felt as if I was hanging by a thread,
But I know from your soft kisses and deep embraces this will never end.

It's staying up until four in the morning,
When you finally pass out next to your best friend.
It's the sand between your toes,
And making some tan lines at the beach.

It's going outside during a rain storm,
And running around,
Screaming and hollering,
As the warm water hits your body.

It's bare feet hanging out the car window,
And silly sunglasses selfies with your crew.
It's movies and bands all night,
Getting so tired that you cry over your celebrity crush's,
With no real control over your emotions.

It's waking up in the after noon,
And falling asleep in the morning.
It's the feeling of just being free.

It's long boards,
And flip flops.
It's bikini's,
And Ray Band's.
It's Warped Tour,
And shopping.

The rush you get,
When you jump into his arms,
After not seeing him for a few days,
Breathing in the scent of his,
Old over worn t-shirt.

It's being able to hang with my girls,
Not caring what other people think.
Dancing like idiots,
Singing at the top our lungs,
Running around 'til we fall to our knees,
Breathless.

It's what summer is to me.

If my summer was perfect.

Which it will be,
From here on out.

Me and my crew,
And our perfect summer.

It's what I want.