there is a lot i know i could give if i allowed myself to want to live
but i tend to be much more of a teaser than a pleaser i want to be loved but am too afraid to let anyone in
my body is a nightmare it scares me more than anything i have hated it for as long as i can remember dating back to when i was just a child with self harm being contemplated
my biggest fear is being seen i am so ashamed of me that i always compare myself to everyone else i could possibly be raised on self loathing and insecurity never learning how to find my own body positivity
i often feel ugly unwanted and unworthy of anything but the pathetic little existence that i’ve enclosed myself within i wish i could cut off all my skin take out my innards and build myself again
but a needle and thread couldn’t reconstruct my head yards of yarn couldn’t crochet my crooked mind and smile away
it would take more than shiny buttons to spruce me up because i’m ****** and i forgot what i was saying before my honesty got lost along the thought process of the things i try to confess before the drinks wear off and i’m back to square one trying to find my way to the top of the bottom which is where i’ll likely stay