i am often filled
with dread
when the words
begin to stir
like
there’s
a blender
in my head

i feel paralyzed
like everything else
is just getting in my way
and feeling like
nothing in that moment
is more important
than what i’m
desperately
trying to say

and when the lights
flicker
and dim
until they finally go out
my brain
keeps getting zapped
by what i’m
stuck
thinking about

there are little monsters
with pitchforks
jabbing and jamming
into my skull
until they reach
that meat inside
and they fuel
me up
to full
as i’m
feeling
each direction
my mind
is being
pulled

communicating
in a real
and
honest way
is too hard

trying to
*****
and find those
words
i want to say
is like
attempting
to
find
a tiny needle
in the hay

time is a
tricky
little ****

it sneaks up
so fast
and then
stalls
and makes
the most
brutal moments
last

days just disappear
and they are never seen
or lived in again
and sometimes
it’s that fact
that causes
me to envy them