Fall can be hard for me,
I remember school years at this time.
Back when things were hard yet simple
and my mind was more kind.

I remember a swinging boat
and colorful flashing lights,
A space ship spinning us round and round,
and feeling so happy inside.

I also have silly memories, but
the one I made them with is gone.
When I remember the hallway giggles
I run. I hide. I sob.

Things at home back then were hard,
My dad was rarely around.
My sisters would bring home friends to keep-
My mom never handled this well.

Our house would be full and I, alone
I'd find my peace in forums and games,
Chatting with men who I thought liked me,
My heart back then was full of hope.

As I grew and moved around,
I found I never really understood myself.
Why do tears bubble up so often?
I freeze, I fawn and forget but don't move on.

Autumn is beautiful but brings up so much.
I miss people I don't know anymore
or have the privilege of seeing
and I'm left to wonder if I ever knew them truly.

I watch the array of leaves change and fall
And wish to be one of them.
I could fall from a branch,
But be picked up in the wind, only to live again.